update on my difficult child Sister...

[buddy]

I posted a while ago that my difficult child sister (severe anxiety, depression, adult adhd, two kids, single mom) was pregnant, she ended up deciding to not keep the pregnancy but when she got there she had a "blighted ovum" I think that was the term, anyway the baby never developed anyway so they did a D&C.

Her work said they were not happy she was going to take off. She didn't have any leave left for the year and they already had made accomodations for her to work from home when she had severe anxiety issues.

Now she sent a text that she is being evicted. She has two kids and one has a dad involved that could easily try to take her for full custody. They have a strict policy if there is no rent by 11th of the month you get an eviction notice. It is a section 11 housing program but she doen't have reduced rent right now because she worked her way up and pays full for the apartment. But with the medical procedure she didn't have the money.

It doesn't add up to me....seems like she could have made payments on the medical procedure. I just have to think there is more to the story.

I worry for her losing her job, worry she will have custody issues, worry she will lose her home, etc. I have worked hard to not get enmeshed in my sister's lives, just care and not let it affect my life. But this is the first time in years I feel awful for her to the point of worry. It is not for me to worry about but her kids will be so hurt if they dont have a home. Luckily my other sister lives close and they could stay there(small town home with 3 kids already but...they are there every single day anyway and go to the same school). So she wont be on the streets but I just wish she didn't have to go thru so much.

Can people get apartments easily if they are evicted? How do you get a recommendation from a landlord if that happens...she is not routinely late on payments, just this time and a few days late in a couple of other months. Never has missed a month.

 

[Hound dog]

Actually, I've never known someone to have trouble renting again after being evicted. I'm going to guess it depends on the circumstances.

And her circumstances are pretty understandable. I mean if you've been sick and unable to work, of course the money is not necessarily going to be there. Illness is a valid "excuse". As long as it doesn't become a pattern she should be ok.

 

[BusynMember]

Renters often have troubled credit histories. I think landlords know this. Some don't even bother checking credit or references (we've been renting for a while now). I don't think she'll have a problem getting another place.

 

[TeDo]

Could you maybe go with her to talk to the super/owner to see what can be done? It sounds like she just might need an advocate to help her talk to them about what she can do. I know when my anxiety was at its peak, this would have pushed me over the edge and I would shut down waiting for someone else to fix it because I just couldn't. This added stress might also make it harder for her to work and I hope that she doesn't lose her job because she can't perform her duties. My job was the first thing I lost when my anxiety got bad, but then again, I didn't have anyone to help me deal with the stress either. When I was in full panic mode, I COULDN'T think so I tended to just totally shut down and give up. I avoided conflict like the plague because that made the anxiety worse so I did the "flight" thing.

I would askher why she had to pay for the procedure all at one time. If she's a typical difficult child, she probably never even thought about asking to make payments. Or maybe that's required for procedures like hers. There could be a very logical explanation that she can give you. Who knows.

 

[buddy]

I will let her know I am happy to come and see what can be done. She is still with boyfriend, and he seemed to care so why in heck he didn't pay for the procedure? He is a contractor and working a lot so has money. I would think at the very least he could lend her the rent money but as you say she gets so locked into there is nothing that can be done (I think it IS a defense, just can't deal with looking for options). We have had a lot of family therapy so I have to be careful not to try to fix the problem. But I for sure will let her know I am happy to come and help. My dad comes home from a vacation today, I hope she calls him, she usually does. Just, I dont know if she even told him she was pregnant. But he always comes around and is supportive, especially to his baby (she was the only one really young when they divorced) which is a good thing. Thanks so much, I will call her this morning.

 

[Liahona]

When we were in public housing it was very political. They use things like ridiculous cleaning inspections and stringent policy to weed out tenants they don't like. There probably is something else going on. They might not like her boyfriend or that she got pregnant. It could be anything. For us it was the number of kids we had.