Update on my difficult child

[Critter Lover]

We got a call on our cellphone when we were shopping Saturday and it was difficult child talking on one of the other guy's cellphone. husband answered the phone and was talking to difficult child. husband asked if support coach was there and he wanted me to talk to the support coach to find out how things were going. I asked the support coach why difficult child's cellphone was taken away from him and he proceeded to tell me that difficult child smashed it on the floor in to pieces because the Bucs lost their game on Dec 7th. I told him we were not replacing the phone and difficult child would have to pay contract till it ended in March. He then told me that they bought a pound of ham for lunchmeat and difficult child ate it ALL! Support coach bought three boxes of cupcakes and difficult child ate them ALL! Support coach bought a case of soda and difficult child drank all but four. difficult child has threatened to stab them and to stab himself. So I guess support coordinator and behaviorist were wrong thinking that he was just acting that way with us. They can not do anything with his medications until Jan 3rd when the temp placement runs out and he is placed on a permenant tier. They were allowing him to take his own medications but then they found out he was not taking them and now they watch him take it with water and have him open his mouth to check.

We plan on picking difficult child up on Dec 24th and take him back later on Dec 25th and the same for Dec 31st and take him back on Jan 1st.
We will let him know that when he comes home the first time he steps out of line .....we will be taking him back to the apartment.

I just have this mother's intuition that my difficult child will be placed in a
group home since he is having to be watched so closely for his behaviors. I know he will not like the stricter rules that they have but they have to do what they have to do.

 

[smallworld]

Doesn't it feel somewhat validiating to know that it's not just you?

I hope your difficult child is able to maintain for the holidays so you can all enjoy them. Hang in there.

 

[Critter Lover]

Validating is good but scares the poop out of me that he is pulling this on anyone. The support coordinator and behaviorist was thinking he was just pulling this stuff on us because he wanted his
independence from us. Surprise! Surprise! I think difficult child has some
major problems that need to be addressed to live safely with anyone.

 

[Star*]

Well .............ya know....I just want to scream DUH.

They let him take his own medications.....DUH
He then ate lunchmeat, cupcakes and soda.....DUH
He at almost all of everything......DUH
He smashed his phone because he was angry.....DUH
He threated physical harm.........DUH

And again to repeat the first sentence - THEY LET HIM TAKE HIS OWN medications AND HE DID NOT.........HUGE DUH

It amazes me to NO end.....when you take a child to a placement and say "He's been doing this and that." and they think he won't with them. DUH.

Now that they know where the source of the problems came from and will be making sure he is given his medications - I see less DUH moments ahead for you all.

And yes - one year we had dude home from Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - it was a 5 hour drive round trip. We got home, opened a few presents....and he went off the reservation.....and we piled INTO the car......drove back in tears and silence, and he finished opening his gifts at his next home visit on valentines day (I even left the tree up).

But I did it. And he DID learn......although I don't know what other than I mean what I say.

Hugs
Star

 

[bran155]

Ditto to everything Star said DUH!!! What is wrong with these people?? How on earth did he have access to eat and drink all of that???? Where was the staff??? And give him is medications to take on his own - they can't be surprised that he didn't take them!!! Common sense might have played a good role here!!

 

[Critter Lover]

I had already prewarned them about him getting in to the food at night or while they are gone. They let him buy G2s for himself and left them on the counter. They told him if he goes through all of those then he is done for the week and will have to drink water.

I told them that I knew that difficult child would give them trouble about taking his Remeron and they would have to watch him on that but now they are saying he is not taking any of his medications so they had to do this.....well I think I could see that coming because he is rebelling to the newness of the situation.

I guess they want to learn the hardway but how do you lock a refridgerator when staff is not there? That is the big dilemma and that is not fair to the other roommates too. They now put the unrefridgerated items in a hallcloset with it padlocked.

 

[Star*]

Well if you go to the group home from hades the agency sent Dude to? You put a logging chain around the fridge. (yes they did) and a padlock complete with hasp.

These are easy fixes to this situation AND you are right - there is BOUND to be some rebelling about the newness of this all - as Mom's when we hear this it's like "OMG I cant' belive this - I'm so upset." and when the staff calls you it's like "Okay I HAVE to report this or else it's my job." and that's the jist of it.

We take it personally - because we would be okay really - if they would just go live somewhere else and the staff call and say "Well he's here, and he's doing fine, have no idea what went on at your house, must be you guys." and even though that would be a bitter pill to swallow? It doesn't happen hardly at all. If ever. I didn't care who Dude lived with as long as he was happy - I'd gladly butt out totally. Never the case. Yes, I'd tell staff the "things" about Dude and I could have told the toaster in the breakroom the same dang things and the toaster would have at least listenened."

You can ALSO tell staff - "We are trying to detach and heal from the emotional turmoil our son being her and now not being here has caused, so unless it's something like a 911 call - please just handle it, do your job and we'll visit as scheduled."

THAT was the biggest lifesaver for us. DETACHMENT.

 

[Critter Lover]

New phone call came through this morning since I wrote this.....
support coach said that difficult child took his medications and slept through the night and was surprised that he was up at 7am. When one of the staff members went in to another guy's bedroom. difficult child snuck in the kitchen took two eggs and egged their vehicle. When they asked him why he did it....he said because it was funny. Then when they had him clean it off ....he locked himself in his room.....took his razor blades and slashed his wrist several times to where they were bleeding....not life threatening but bleeding. So support coach is working on getting him Baker Acted. difficult child said ....just call my parents they will come get me....support coach said NO THEY WILL NOT COME GET YOU! I agreed and said NO WAY am I coming to get him. They are waiting on Support Coordinator to say okay to take him to hospital. Support coach is suppose to call me when everything is done and what is going to happen.