Update on my difficult child

[AmericanGirl]

Thanks to all of you for your replies and prayers.

difficult child is much better after being on his Wellbutrin for almost two straight weeks. He is due to return to college next week.

I still cannot seem to get him out of bed before 1pm. According to him, he is 'on break'. I thought that was what he did all fall term, based on results. Next week should be interesting.

His cell phone is broken. Won't text, Facebook or call anyone who he doesn't know the number for. Not my problem.
Some kid broke his new laptop. Needs $200 repair. Not my problem.
His smoking habit costs about $75 a month. Not my problem.
His license is suspended through mid-Feb so he will return to school without a vehicle. Not my problem.
It will cost him $275 to get his license back. Not my problem.
He has upcoming court costs and fines. They will require him to go on probation until the amount is paid. He will have to get a part time job. Not my problem.
If he doesn't do well in school this term, I refuse to send him back. He cannot live here unless he is employed full-time. Again, not my problem.

That may seem harsh but he is 18. Time to clean up your own messes and not rely on Mommy.

I need a break. My health has suffered greatly in the last month. Just going to need to watch my boundaries carefully as the consequences come due for him.

 

[Kathy813]

Hi alabama girl from your southern neighbor!

I'm sorry but I am not familiar with your story. Is your difficult child a substance abuser? It would help if you would add a signature at the bottom of your posts like mine below. You can do that by going to the settings icon on the top right hand corner of the page and then click on edit signature on the left side of the page.

I don't think you sound harsh at all. I wish I had been stronger when my difficult child was younger. Maybe we could have saved us years of anguish.

You are right that none of those things are your problem. Let him learn from the consequences of his actions. I know that seems easier said than done but I think you are already on the right track!

~Kathy

 

[AmericanGirl]

Thanks Kathy....I looked for how to set up a signature earlier today. You read my mind!

 

[AmericanGirl]

Just testing the signature.

 

[Kathy813]

You did great! It's always great to have another teacher (or retired teacher) on board!

~Kathy

 

[pinevalley]

It sounds like you are taking a firm stand with your son, so that he can grow up and take responsibility for his life. If your difficult child is like my 18 year old, he is extremely skilled at whining, negotiating, begging, and generally pestering me in order to get what he wants. I hope that you can stay firm about not helping your son, because I know how many of these kids try to wear their parents down so that we will give in to their demands. I'm glad that your difficult child has remained sober while he has been at home with you. Is there a way that your son can receive additional therapy to help him stay sober while he is in college? Will he agree to go to AA meetings at school? If he goes back to school with the same drinking friends and the same partying it will be very hard for him to stay sober. Anyway, hang in there... You just have a few more days until he is back at school and on his own again.

 

[AmericanGirl]

Yep, mine can beg and plead with the best of them. When that doesn't work, he gets testy which is what tonight brought.

LOL....he actually asked me to move him to some another school out of town. So, in a week, with his subpar ACT, two pending court cases and a suspended license...I should find a school that will take him, enroll him, pay, settle his legal woes and move him there? What planet is he on anyhow?

He has agreed to attend Celebrate Recovery meetings while in school. He will be seen at the regional teaching hospital by an adolescent shrink in a few weeks. I know it will be hard on him but he has to do it...unless he wants to stay here with me. I'll get him any other help which he asks for...therapist. other meetings, transport, etc. He knows this but I'll remind him periodically.

It's just hard....you want so much better for them than they want for themselves.

 

[Nancy]

You are doing all the right things. You are making him responsible for his own actions and seem to have mastered the art of loving detachment, which I am still trying to do. I'm glad he has agreed to go to celebrate recovery meetings in college. It is so hard for our young people to stay away from alcohol in college, it's almost a recipe for disaster. My daughter lasted in college six weeks before she was arrested for drinking and smoking pot. We made her finish out the semester because we had paid for it and quite frankly we needed the break, but she ended up getting suspended at the end of the semester and started down a road of self destruction which ended in her finally going to a substance abuse treatment center and untimately living in a sober house for eight months. She is nowliving on her own, has a job and attends AA meetings daily. It is a difficult life for young people who all they see is other young people drinking and having fun around them.

I hope your difficult child can turn his life around, but in the meantime stay strong and firm in whatyou will and will not accept. You said it best, we want so much more for them than they want for themselves. Hopefully he will get into recovery and start wanting those things for himself. I have told my daughter many times that I cannot do it for her, she has to do it for herself.

Nancy