I went for my walk in appointment today with my lovely psychiatrist. I keep this man around because I think most others are just far worse from what I have experienced. He isnt ground-breaking but he does let me pretty much call my own shots and by this stage of the game I figure I probably know as much about psychiatry as the average bear. I walked in and told him we need to mark my folder in big red letters that I am a definate NO GO for AD's. He asked what happened and I told him I was spinning and cycling so fast I could hardly keep up. I told him there were several periods of time I wanted to kill someone and I wasnt choosey about who it was. He just chuckled at that one, after he asked me if I had actually killed anyone. I told him I really felt like I was on a ton of too many medications. That the seroquel was causing me massive weight gain. The klonopin wasnt doing a thing for me anymore. I didnt know if anything was really doing anything. Well....he wasnt willing to take me off much. He said that I have been way too sick for way too long and I am a very very anxiety ridden person. Seroquel is gone. If delusions come back we will deal with them some other way. I keep lamictal and topamax. He would allow me to get rid of topamax but he cant see why I would want to do so. I keep ambien because at some point I have to sleep. Hopefully. And we traded klonopin for xanaxER 2mg. I have stopped taking anything from my gp which means no more lorcet, neurontin or zanaflex until I see what the pain doctor says on thursday. I am in tremendous pain. I cant pick up plates, glasses or even steer the car without my hands killing me. I think my joints in my fingers are swollen. The blankets hurt.