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Update on my mother
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<blockquote data-quote="Suz" data-source="post: 330179" data-attributes="member: 29"><p>TM, I don't pretend to know your Mom but I did go through a terminal illness with mine. My Mom was a easy child and, from what you've told us, yours has always been a difficult child. What they seem to have in common though, is the desire to "go out" on their own terms.</p><p> </p><p>My Mom would not think that an extension of 8 months was enough to change her behaviors. She quit smoking when she was 51 and used to joke that she couldn't wait to turn 70 because she'd read somewhere that at 70 smoking didn't shorten your lifespan and she missed smoking every single day. </p><p> </p><p>I have to wonder if your Mom also doesn't think that an extension of 8 months is enough to change her behaviors...or, since she is still actively smoking and drinking, she might be powerless to alter those behaviors at this late date and under this kind of duress. I smoked for 38 years. If a doctor told me I only had a few months to live you can bet the farm that I'd get in my car and book it to the nearest convenience store and buy several cartons of cigarettes, even though I haven't smoked since 2002.</p><p> </p><p>I remember as a daughter that every single day with my Mom was blessed to me. By the time she was dying, my Mom was so tired of feeling sick that she was ready to die, even if I was not ready to let her go.</p><p> </p><p>From your posts, I know that you have had a dreadful relationship with your Mom. My heart aches for your pain because your loss will probably be twofold- one, for the loving relationship you never had through no fault of your own; and two, that you won't have a second chance to develop it.</p><p> </p><p>If there is any advice I can give you having been there done that it would be for you to *allow* your Mom to carry on her last days as she sees fit even if you don't agree with her choices. Forgive her weaknesses because denial is usually incredible fear.</p><p> </p><p>I am so sorry for both of you.</p><p> </p><p>Hugs,</p><p>Suz</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Suz, post: 330179, member: 29"] TM, I don't pretend to know your Mom but I did go through a terminal illness with mine. My Mom was a easy child and, from what you've told us, yours has always been a difficult child. What they seem to have in common though, is the desire to "go out" on their own terms. My Mom would not think that an extension of 8 months was enough to change her behaviors. She quit smoking when she was 51 and used to joke that she couldn't wait to turn 70 because she'd read somewhere that at 70 smoking didn't shorten your lifespan and she missed smoking every single day. I have to wonder if your Mom also doesn't think that an extension of 8 months is enough to change her behaviors...or, since she is still actively smoking and drinking, she might be powerless to alter those behaviors at this late date and under this kind of duress. I smoked for 38 years. If a doctor told me I only had a few months to live you can bet the farm that I'd get in my car and book it to the nearest convenience store and buy several cartons of cigarettes, even though I haven't smoked since 2002. I remember as a daughter that every single day with my Mom was blessed to me. By the time she was dying, my Mom was so tired of feeling sick that she was ready to die, even if I was not ready to let her go. From your posts, I know that you have had a dreadful relationship with your Mom. My heart aches for your pain because your loss will probably be twofold- one, for the loving relationship you never had through no fault of your own; and two, that you won't have a second chance to develop it. If there is any advice I can give you having been there done that it would be for you to *allow* your Mom to carry on her last days as she sees fit even if you don't agree with her choices. Forgive her weaknesses because denial is usually incredible fear. I am so sorry for both of you. Hugs, Suz [/QUOTE]
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