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Update on my note to dad...
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 205757" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>GG, I appreciate your thoughts, and it's not that I haven't heard them before. I disagree with them. It <em>was</em> more acceptable for men of their generation to be that way, and more acceptable for women of my mother's generation to tolerate it in everything that they did. But there are two problems I find with that playing into real life, though. (by the way, he's 80, and I am nearing 50. He's the oldest of four, I'm the youngest of 5.)</p><p></p><p>1) Not all men of his generation were like that. Many men worked hard and were able to show love to their families.</p><p></p><p>2) It's a shortcoming that was never addressed because 50 years ago society found it more acceptable. Forty five years ago it began to be less acceptable and everyone has to grow up sometime, even what was then a 35 year old man. </p><p></p><p>He told me the last time I talked (fell out) with him that my sister-in-law went to him and told him how messed up my brother T was because nothing T did ever made my dad proud of him. All five of us kids did very well in school, weren't in trouble with the law, had homes and families, but her depiction was totally accurate. T is the only of us to have any kind of degree, and is a "househusband" because his wife earns a ton of money and he can't keep a job. Dad puffed up his chest and told me "I told her that I never was and never will be proud of my kids because perfection is the <em>least</em> I expect of them." WTH! He was totally serious and it is totally accurate. We can be perfect, and he will never be proud of us because that's his low measuring point. Because his children must at least all be perfect. Mind you, everyone else's children and grandchildren get kudos for every little thing that they do because they are not "his". </p><p></p><p>Sad to say, with my dad, it's pure unadulterated ego. But you are right that it was more acceptable 50 years ago. But the man hasn't worked in 30 years and is living on my mother's siblings' inheritances. It was time for him to give 50 years ago up a long time ago. But I would have been happy with him having a clue when someone told him 15 years ago that we all were messed up because he has no pride in us. It didn't even dawn on him that he could do a small thing to make us happy, all he could do was justify our pain with his need to feed his ego.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 205757, member: 99"] GG, I appreciate your thoughts, and it's not that I haven't heard them before. I disagree with them. It [I]was[/I] more acceptable for men of their generation to be that way, and more acceptable for women of my mother's generation to tolerate it in everything that they did. But there are two problems I find with that playing into real life, though. (by the way, he's 80, and I am nearing 50. He's the oldest of four, I'm the youngest of 5.) 1) Not all men of his generation were like that. Many men worked hard and were able to show love to their families. 2) It's a shortcoming that was never addressed because 50 years ago society found it more acceptable. Forty five years ago it began to be less acceptable and everyone has to grow up sometime, even what was then a 35 year old man. He told me the last time I talked (fell out) with him that my sister-in-law went to him and told him how messed up my brother T was because nothing T did ever made my dad proud of him. All five of us kids did very well in school, weren't in trouble with the law, had homes and families, but her depiction was totally accurate. T is the only of us to have any kind of degree, and is a "househusband" because his wife earns a ton of money and he can't keep a job. Dad puffed up his chest and told me "I told her that I never was and never will be proud of my kids because perfection is the [I]least[/I] I expect of them." WTH! He was totally serious and it is totally accurate. We can be perfect, and he will never be proud of us because that's his low measuring point. Because his children must at least all be perfect. Mind you, everyone else's children and grandchildren get kudos for every little thing that they do because they are not "his". Sad to say, with my dad, it's pure unadulterated ego. But you are right that it was more acceptable 50 years ago. But the man hasn't worked in 30 years and is living on my mother's siblings' inheritances. It was time for him to give 50 years ago up a long time ago. But I would have been happy with him having a clue when someone told him 15 years ago that we all were messed up because he has no pride in us. It didn't even dawn on him that he could do a small thing to make us happy, all he could do was justify our pain with his need to feed his ego. [/QUOTE]
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