update on ODD and encopresis

[nlwright]

hi all,

sorry it's been so long but summer is a very busy time around here. so we made an appointment with my gp for my son and just like magic the soiling accidents stopped. how do you like that? the worst part we now deal with is proper bum-wiping. so i am beginning to think that his problem isn't as medical as we once thought. we are still going to follow through and are waiting to get an appointment with a pediatrician. in the mean time we have now made an appointment with a social worker, who works out of my gp's offices, to try and get a handle on the behavioural issues.

it's just maddening! i'm thrilled that we are no longer dealing with the horrible messes he made but now it just feels like he did all that on purpose! he was terrified when he found out about the doctor's appointment. i went out of my way to see to it that he went to a female gp (i know her and she is sweet and soft-spoken) as opposed to my older and stern-voiced male gp (who is getting ready to retire soon) so he would not feel intimidated. i had to give him lots of reassurance that nothing bad or painful was going to happen to him. i think his fears "inspired" him to get better control over his toilet habits.

i have also signed up for a local support group which begins in the fall so, i'm looking forward to that. right now we are taking things one day at a time, one argument at a time. when i have the patience i simply point out to him when he is behaving oppositional towards me (or others) and i ask him to think about why he is doing it and what he hopes to accomplish with his behaviour. when i am out of patience, sadly, there is a lot of yelling coming from me. i HATE that!!! i feel like the worst, most ineffective parent in the world. it is my dearest wish right now to get the yelling to stop. that was the one thing i thought i would never do as a mom because i grew up around a lot of yelling (my parents fought all the time) and here i am having shouting matches with my kid . he drives me nuts but i feel so sorry for him. like if he had a better mother things wouldn't be as bad as they are. poor kid.

anyway, things are looking up and i am hopeful. i want to thank you all for your support and advice getting me on the right track. will let y'all know how things go with the social worker. thanks again!!!

me - 33, social anxiety disorder
husband - 29, just moody
difficult child 1 - 8, ODD possible encopresis
difficult child 2 - 17 mos, happy little baby

 

[therese005us]

Well, there is good news and bad news among your post. But 3 cheers for the stopping of the soiling!
Do you think you can encourage the better wiping by suggesting, that since he's 8 years old, you shouldn't have to check/do for him; wouldn't he be embarrassed if his mates came over and you had to check? So, you might say something like, well, I have to check 1 out of 3 times, and when you can find that he is nice and clean all the time, you will stop checking? Of course, youwill have already had the talk about, leaving a soiled bottom unwiped will cause soreness, smelliness etc.
Just a little suggestion anyways.

Greetings from OZ

 

[TerryJ2]

Very interesting that he was able to control it that quickly.
I suspect he has allergies, and also sensory issues, and the encopresis and wiping aversion are symptoms of that. It's clear, though, that there is a psychological component and he is very stubborn, LOL! He thought he was taking the easy way out, until you came up with-something that was much more difficult for him to face.
Now, if you can only come up with-ideas like that on all the other issues ...

My son went through this for many yrs, and I ended up checking him repeatedly. Not fun for either of us. We finally bought a box of Baby Wipes and that seemed to do the trick. He kept thinking that the only way to get clean was to take a whole shower, and he knew that the TP alone wasn't good enough. Voila! Baby Wipes!

We also had him do his own laundry.

The rest of it was solved by getting rid of wheat and dairy, which firmed up his bowels and cleaned up his act, so to speak.

So I'd keep an eye on your son's diet, in the meantime.

What a relief that he has stopped for the time being. You have him doing his own laundry, right? If he's not tall enough, you can use a stepstool--maybe the same one he uses to brush his teeth.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

I was also going to suggest the wipes thing. Caution him to wipe until the wipe or the tp comes away clean. Make sure he understands that 10 wipes won't flush down the toilet at once!

Like Terry, I think there is a double component for your son's soiling. I'm glad you have found a local support group. The understanding that we are not alone really helps, and you can also share the wisdom!

Try your best to disengage when it comes to yelling. That will only make you stressed and he will just hear, "Waa, waa, waa" like the adults on the Charlie Brown shows. Either you or he needs to seperate from the other. If he will not leave your presence, then you leave his. Once he understands that you won't engage, his resistance may lessen - note I say "may". Not budging from your point by disengaging and ending the conversation shows more strength to him than standing there yelling and getting no where.

Hugs,
Sharon