Thank you to everyone who helped today with prayers and good wishes, this board Ju Ju is something to behold! difficult child was ordered to serve 60 days for violation of probation, which here in No. Ca. is 1/2 time so she will end up serving 30 days and she's already served 22 so she should be out in 8 days with time served.
difficult child signed herself into a program called Starting Point which has classes all day long 5 days a week, for communication, job support, meditation, group therapy groups, etc. I talked to difficult child last week and she was very interested in the classes. I think without all of her usual distractions to keep herself from feeling,........ smoking cigarettes, creating drama, shopping, really any distraction at all will do, she was stuck in jail with nothing to do but think and feel. So, along comes a therapist who talks to her about mental illnesses and PTSD. My difficult child began reading all the literature provided including a book on Buddhism and meditation.
I visited her on Saturday morning and she told me she believes she has PTSD and perhaps other mental illnesses as well. I almost fell off the chair! The week after my son-in-law killed himself I suggested to my daughter that PTSD was likely what was going on. I then spent the ensuing 12 years saying that.
We talked on Saturday about how by admitting this and seeking help, she could change her life. She admitted that her life had spun out of control and that she needed help. She promised me, again, as she had early on in her jail time, that she would go to a specialist and get diagnosed. She and I talked about how simple it would be to get her own place now, to begin getting ahead, having a real life. She sadly admitted how far she has strayed from life.
At the onset of this jail time, you may recall, I told her I was not going to help her anymore and I drew a line in the sand. I took the safety net away from my difficult child and now she knew she was on her own. It was then that it began to shift. Was it because I stopped? Was it the jail? Was it the class? A combination of all of it? Who knows. I had to free myself and perhaps she freed herself too. She called me today and the interesting shift was that she was worried that I was worrying about her in court, which of course, I was. She was psyched to be getting out and more poignant for me, she was excited to get back to her Starting Point class. I haven't heard her excited about anything since her husband died. Nothing. Nothing at all. She sounded like a kid calling from college embarking on a new life journey. My mothers heart is relieved that she is going to be released and the system didn't swallow her up. I am cautiously excited for both of us, me because whatever happens I let go, I didn't save her, I didn't get her an attorney, I let her suffer the natural consequences. And, I'm excited for her because she seems so different and she has a purpose, a plan and is willing to get the help she needs. For her to admit to having any kind of illness is a HUGE step for her, she has fought that tooth and nail for over a decade. When I saw her on Saturday she seemed 'broken' to me, broken in the sense that she had reached her bottom and had let go. She had to go to jail to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess she could get out and return to her old ways, however, I don't think that's going to happen. I've never heard her sound like this before. When we got off the phone today, she said, "Mom, I love you, I really love you so much and thank you for everything you've done for me, I appreciate it so much." It made me cry. My daughter is not prone to talking like that to me or anyone, something opened her heart, and it looks like that was an 8X5 jail cell.
This has been a tough time for me, I am tired. My difficult child sounds as if she will get on with her life now, as I will be doing as well. There are a lot of deep changes taking place for me, therapy helps so much to sort it all out and heal from it. My daughter will be in her own self discovery now, thank God. My difficult child is the last mentally ill person I have taken care of and I am finally done with all of this. I feel as if I've been at this my whole life and in some very profound ways, that's true. I knew in my heart that she would be the hardest one to let go of, my sister, my brother, my Dad and my Mom were hard, but nothing trumps this detachment process like having to let go of your own child. She was the one that took me to the edge of my own sanity and to the brink of my own ability to accept what felt like the most unacceptable thing imaginable.
God bless all of us who are put in this position of detaching from our children, accepting the unacceptable and letting go of what is most dear to us. As always, I send every parent out there going through this on any level, my very heartfelt and deepest empathy, my warmest wishes, my earnest prayers for guidance and grace and big giant hugs from my battered Mother's heart to yours.
difficult child signed herself into a program called Starting Point which has classes all day long 5 days a week, for communication, job support, meditation, group therapy groups, etc. I talked to difficult child last week and she was very interested in the classes. I think without all of her usual distractions to keep herself from feeling,........ smoking cigarettes, creating drama, shopping, really any distraction at all will do, she was stuck in jail with nothing to do but think and feel. So, along comes a therapist who talks to her about mental illnesses and PTSD. My difficult child began reading all the literature provided including a book on Buddhism and meditation.
I visited her on Saturday morning and she told me she believes she has PTSD and perhaps other mental illnesses as well. I almost fell off the chair! The week after my son-in-law killed himself I suggested to my daughter that PTSD was likely what was going on. I then spent the ensuing 12 years saying that.
We talked on Saturday about how by admitting this and seeking help, she could change her life. She admitted that her life had spun out of control and that she needed help. She promised me, again, as she had early on in her jail time, that she would go to a specialist and get diagnosed. She and I talked about how simple it would be to get her own place now, to begin getting ahead, having a real life. She sadly admitted how far she has strayed from life.
At the onset of this jail time, you may recall, I told her I was not going to help her anymore and I drew a line in the sand. I took the safety net away from my difficult child and now she knew she was on her own. It was then that it began to shift. Was it because I stopped? Was it the jail? Was it the class? A combination of all of it? Who knows. I had to free myself and perhaps she freed herself too. She called me today and the interesting shift was that she was worried that I was worrying about her in court, which of course, I was. She was psyched to be getting out and more poignant for me, she was excited to get back to her Starting Point class. I haven't heard her excited about anything since her husband died. Nothing. Nothing at all. She sounded like a kid calling from college embarking on a new life journey. My mothers heart is relieved that she is going to be released and the system didn't swallow her up. I am cautiously excited for both of us, me because whatever happens I let go, I didn't save her, I didn't get her an attorney, I let her suffer the natural consequences. And, I'm excited for her because she seems so different and she has a purpose, a plan and is willing to get the help she needs. For her to admit to having any kind of illness is a HUGE step for her, she has fought that tooth and nail for over a decade. When I saw her on Saturday she seemed 'broken' to me, broken in the sense that she had reached her bottom and had let go. She had to go to jail to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I guess she could get out and return to her old ways, however, I don't think that's going to happen. I've never heard her sound like this before. When we got off the phone today, she said, "Mom, I love you, I really love you so much and thank you for everything you've done for me, I appreciate it so much." It made me cry. My daughter is not prone to talking like that to me or anyone, something opened her heart, and it looks like that was an 8X5 jail cell.
This has been a tough time for me, I am tired. My difficult child sounds as if she will get on with her life now, as I will be doing as well. There are a lot of deep changes taking place for me, therapy helps so much to sort it all out and heal from it. My daughter will be in her own self discovery now, thank God. My difficult child is the last mentally ill person I have taken care of and I am finally done with all of this. I feel as if I've been at this my whole life and in some very profound ways, that's true. I knew in my heart that she would be the hardest one to let go of, my sister, my brother, my Dad and my Mom were hard, but nothing trumps this detachment process like having to let go of your own child. She was the one that took me to the edge of my own sanity and to the brink of my own ability to accept what felt like the most unacceptable thing imaginable.
God bless all of us who are put in this position of detaching from our children, accepting the unacceptable and letting go of what is most dear to us. As always, I send every parent out there going through this on any level, my very heartfelt and deepest empathy, my warmest wishes, my earnest prayers for guidance and grace and big giant hugs from my battered Mother's heart to yours.
