Update on pregnant difficult child and shameless bid for support

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by dashcat, Aug 23, 2013.

  1. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Backstory: Bipolar, non medication-compliant difficult child moved with, and became engaged to (moved in within a few days of having "met", and became engaged a week following moving in) to Craigslist dude.

    Eight weeks later, she learns she is pregnant. She is thrilled. So is he, despite the fact that he already has three sons under the age of five. He has joint custody. Also .. tiny detail .. he is yet divorced from the mom of said kids.

    A week and a half ago, difficult child learns she is carrying ..... twins.

    Yesterday, she decided that they fought too much and that he was insensitive (really? this has just dawned on you?) and she broke off the engagement.

    She is staying here ... temporarily.

    PLEASE - I am in a place where I do not want or need any advice right now.

    I need support, and I need the kind of understanding that only comes from the people who have dealt with the complexities of having an adult difficult child.

    I have no idea what I am going to do from here, and I promise to seek advice here, if advice is what I need. In the meantime, I ask for prayers for her, an invitation to a vacation home in Hawaii for me (or, in the absence of that possibility, a hug or two), and the fellowship of the fraternity of those who understand (or are willing to try to understand) how every complicated this is.

  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh hun, I am so sorry that all this is happening...to both of you. Im sure she is hurting right now and her hormones are probably playing hell. But TWINS...how lucky are the two of you going to be someday soon!!!! 2 little babies that most probably will be perfect angels. Look how lucky we got with Monkey! No one could have dreamed such an easy child came from those two parents...lol.

    I give you many hugs, and a good dose of patience, for the times that are happening now and what may or may not come. I really hope this brings you two closer together and that she grows up wonderfully to be a great mom. Just look at me...I didnt turn out too awful bad!
  3. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Sending many compassionate hugs your way.
  4. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Many, many, many hugs....
  5. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Lots of understanding hugs to you.
  6. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Oh dash- many many gentle hugs
  7. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh sweetie, there is never any right or wrong responses when difficult child's and difficult child babies are concerned. ............many, many gentle and loving prayers and big hugs for you.............I wish I was in Hawaii to offer you a serene and beautiful place to rest............many of us have been in those shoes of yours..............and we walked along and it all worked out in some manner...........it'll all be okay................just breathe and walk and keep your heart opened................
  8. ThreeShadows

    ThreeShadows Quid me anxia?

    Dear, dear Dash, I am also an adoptive mom and mine were difficult children. The only thing I can contribute is that mine were twins and the best thing that ever happened to my husband and me. They entertained themselves, and knew instinctively what the other was thinking ( I should say "planning", lol, you'll find out.) I don't remember the bad stuff because the good was SO good. Many hugs and hopes for things to become good for a change. Biomom was a major difficult child, maybe your daughter will come to her senses and it will change her. It's not at all unusual for adopted girls to get pregnant early. They seem to need that blood connection. Many hugs!
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    Sending lots of support and understanding. And whatever else you need that I can offer.
  10. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Thank you, everyone! Just what the doctor ordered! Both Ossy and I have twins in our families (one identical set of nephews on my side, one identical and one fraternal set of sibs on his and two fraternal sets of nephews on his ...crazy!!!) and I do know the joy that twins can bring. I am (most days successfully) trying to look at the positives.

    Today will be all about postiives. We are off to my great-nephews wedding in Dayton (driving down and back today, Step, so I won't get to meet with you. Maybe next time!) I very much enjoy car time with her, and I plan to celebrate the joy of this day completely.

    Hawaii, however, would've been nice....

    Thank you for your support and your positive words.

  11. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Tons of hugs and whatever elsr you need.
  12. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Dash the broken engagement is a good thing, so is the fact that she felt comfortable enough to come back home. Sounds like we need lunch. Have a fun trip to Dayton and enjoy the day.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    My grandson is due in a couple of weeks....I am.so.excited. I can't wait to meet him!!!! I hope you can focus on the positives. It is all we can do, right?? Surround those babies with love and pray...
  14. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Oh, sweetie... HUGS... I wish we could get together but you are busy! So, soon. And I wish I could offer more.
  16. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    No advice. Lots of hugs. Kinda been there done that and there are positives that may enrich your life. DDD
  17. scent of cedar

    scent of cedar New Member

    Gentle hugs, Dash.

    It's such a huge adjustment. You need and deserve time to take it all in.

  18. Tiredof33

    Tiredof33 Active Member

    Twins run in my family too. I'm glad the mother is doing well. in my opinion, it's a good sign that she felt comfortable enough to confide in you.
    (((hugs and blessings)))
  19. Rabbit

    Rabbit Member

    Sending hugs
  20. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    I wish I had a place in Hawaii I could offer you, but if NJ suits you...you are most welcome! In the meantime, I'm sending many, many prayers and hugs your way. You always manage to find the right way to handle every situation, and this is no exception. Sending support and assurances of confidence your way too...