After arriving late at the clinic due to difficult child's constant procrastination we then had to wait 3 1/2 hours to see the Psychiatrist. This is a clinic which was recommended by the Social Worker who I met at a group at an organization which is connected to NAMI. This organization helps connect mentally ill folks with all the programs that are available for them. The SW was there too and he joined us for the evaluation. My difficult child asked me to join in as well. I think the Dr. did a good job in the questions asked, the data taken and the protocols explained. He recommended that she work with the SW on housing, jobs, counseling at a holistic trauma center which has groups, yoga, meditation, therapy, etc. for people who have PTSD. The Dr. said she likely falls into a wide range of possible diagnosis encompassing many mental illness'. He is willing to offer medications but wants her to hook up in the system with the programs and then see her in August. She is armed with phone numbers and paperwork for housing, which has quite a number of pretty good opportunities, lots of help with job placement, going back to college help, the organization which helps women who have experienced trauma, smoking cessation classes, it's amazingly comprehensive. I was impressed with all the help she can get now. She is now hooked into that system, all she has to do is make the phone calls, fill out paperwork and start the process. I guess I was a tad disappointed that they didn't put her on medications immediately, but it was explained that he is reluctant to start that way, he wants her to get on more stable ground with less chaos first. But he did say, if she wanted medications all she had to do was call him and he would start her on something. He explained that the medications available, for what she is dealing with, are far from perfect, so this is the path he set up for her.
She was acting badly yesterday, in her 'other' self, the belligerent, righteous, entitled character whom I don't like and don't want to be around. I practiced saying "I can't listen to this" all day. Oddly as the hours ticked by, I felt lighter and lighter. I didn't anticipate feeling as if a boulder was lifted off of me and that I was liberated from this mess of her life. But I did. I had therapy the night before and the therapist and I went over how I was feeling and what I was expecting. It was very helpful to see that I was at another level of acceptance and letting go, that this is a process and I had mapped out distinct boundaries and told my daughter exactly what I was going to do and not going to do. That clarity and the plan I had to get her to level ground was how I got myself to this point of detachment. By doing everything I knew how to help her to get her to a place where she could now help herself allowed me to let go. I felt pretty good by the time we got home.
She is still in a precarious living situation and still insists on keeping those cats, so she may harm her chances of housing because of yet another choice that is foolish in the face of homelessness. But, something inside me has shifted and I told her in the car coming home that from that moment on, my focus is now off of her and on to my SO and I and our future. I said if you follow through on these programs and help yourself, I will be here for you, but if you don't and your life stays where it is, I can't/won't be a part of it anymore.
So, we'll see how she does. It's out of my hands. I feel okay. All that grief and uncertainty and pain is no longer present. I feel empathy for her but resolved that this is what is. And, I feel as if I have closed this chapter and I'm now onto another book altogether.
She was acting badly yesterday, in her 'other' self, the belligerent, righteous, entitled character whom I don't like and don't want to be around. I practiced saying "I can't listen to this" all day. Oddly as the hours ticked by, I felt lighter and lighter. I didn't anticipate feeling as if a boulder was lifted off of me and that I was liberated from this mess of her life. But I did. I had therapy the night before and the therapist and I went over how I was feeling and what I was expecting. It was very helpful to see that I was at another level of acceptance and letting go, that this is a process and I had mapped out distinct boundaries and told my daughter exactly what I was going to do and not going to do. That clarity and the plan I had to get her to level ground was how I got myself to this point of detachment. By doing everything I knew how to help her to get her to a place where she could now help herself allowed me to let go. I felt pretty good by the time we got home.
She is still in a precarious living situation and still insists on keeping those cats, so she may harm her chances of housing because of yet another choice that is foolish in the face of homelessness. But, something inside me has shifted and I told her in the car coming home that from that moment on, my focus is now off of her and on to my SO and I and our future. I said if you follow through on these programs and help yourself, I will be here for you, but if you don't and your life stays where it is, I can't/won't be a part of it anymore.
So, we'll see how she does. It's out of my hands. I feel okay. All that grief and uncertainty and pain is no longer present. I feel empathy for her but resolved that this is what is. And, I feel as if I have closed this chapter and I'm now onto another book altogether.
