There is now some question about whether the Choking Game (done to get "high") or a game where the purpose is more one of dare/domination is happening. The extent of the problem seems to be small and it is not being done openly in front of staff.
The principal is working on it but is swamped with a site visit, another serious incident that happened the same afternoon, several IEPs - I think she has her plate more than full right now. But I do think she's as on top of it as possible right now and intends to take school-wide action once she is sure of what's going on. She is also on board with addressing the bullying but it's tough to get kids to trust that the adults will handle reports of bullying in a discreet way. That is certainly my son's attitude - telling will just make it worse because then he's a snitch and retaliation from other kids will make things worse.
I made some phone calls at the district level over the past two days and feel confident that the issue will be addressed at the district level by various people. Hope the principal doesn't get mad at me but in each case I presented myself as simply a concerned parent asking for clarification about district policies and that I was not implying any criticism of the principal's actions.
Called the district health office first. I talked to the nurse manager there about the decision not to call 911. She basically agreed with the principal's decision. She said there have been problems with schools sometimes calling 911 when not truly necessary and parents without health insurance getting a big bill ($600+) they couldn't pay. She also said that if there were no obvious signs of distress then she really thought that the principal had no justification for calling 911.
I explained the reaction we got in ER and their statements that there can be delayed presentation of symptoms and that it was appropriate for him to have come in for assessment despite the only symptoms being mild/mod neck pain and very mild swelling. They kept him for about 90 minutes/2 hours for observation and then let us go with instructions.
So the nurse said that was a good point and perhaps it would be a good idea for her to review the incident and discuss that concern with the principal.
When I explained that my son had serious chronic health issues including asthma she pretty much changed her tune and said yes that 911 probably should have been called and she would definitely contact the school to follow up. I told her I had shared my perspective with the principal and felt that any future incidents with my son would probably be handled differently.
The head of Safe Schools department called me at 5:30 yesterday afternoon. We talked for about 45 minutes. She was clearly supportive of my concerns about the possibility that there was any kind of choking game happening on campus. She also talked about the bullying issue. She said she'd talked to the principal before she called me and assured me that there would be school-wide actions taken once the principal and staff had figured everything out.
I made sure she knew that my son is 5'5" and a freshman while the other boy is well over 6' and is a 17 yo junior. She agreed with me that made the incident even more troubling.
The Safe Schools person said there has been no evidence that The Choking Game (getting high) is happening on the campuses in our area. She said the HS my son is at has been one of the safest HS campuses and felt I could count on the principal to take action to keep my son safe. She also said she is meeting with the principal next week to discuss things and find out what support the school district can give her in terms of school-wide education about bullying and choking games.
Thursday I called the police department and talked to the detective who handles school crimes. He agreed that the report should probably have been treated as a crime report so that the full name of the student involved was included and that a check was made to ensure that there was no criminal history or ongoing problems that the school was not aware of. Otherwise, the system would not do anything since my son hadn't suffered any long term injuries.
I told the officer that we were talking about a kid who is 17 and well over 6' tall doing this to my son who is 15 and 5'5". He did seem to think that made the incident more troubling but still thought that the school's punishments would be considered sufficient.
At my son's IEP meeting on Friday we agreed upon a safety plan. My son agreed to keep to the ED classroom and stay in there during lunch for now. He's only mainstreamed for 1 class a day - the last class - and the ED teacher will decide if he keeps him in the ED classroom or sends him out to that class. If difficult child leaves the ED room it will be with an aide if it's during any passing periods.
The ED teacher's classroom is popular during lunch time because the kids are welcome to hang out playing cards, using his microwave, play music - it's a fun place to hang. So that isn't really a hardship. The ED teacher asked my son if he was concerned about kids who aren't in the ED class being there during lunch and my son admitted there were some kids who are friends of the other boy that he'd rather not see during lunch. So the ED teacher is going to tell them they need to find somewhere else to hang out during lunch.
I said difficult child would not be staying after school from now on. I expressed my feeling that it was unfair that difficult child couldn't stay after school and that I hoped the other boy's family was going to take similar action.
Overall I am satisfied at this point. We'll see how things go over the next couple weeks.
Thanks to everyone for their input.
The principal is working on it but is swamped with a site visit, another serious incident that happened the same afternoon, several IEPs - I think she has her plate more than full right now. But I do think she's as on top of it as possible right now and intends to take school-wide action once she is sure of what's going on. She is also on board with addressing the bullying but it's tough to get kids to trust that the adults will handle reports of bullying in a discreet way. That is certainly my son's attitude - telling will just make it worse because then he's a snitch and retaliation from other kids will make things worse.
I made some phone calls at the district level over the past two days and feel confident that the issue will be addressed at the district level by various people. Hope the principal doesn't get mad at me but in each case I presented myself as simply a concerned parent asking for clarification about district policies and that I was not implying any criticism of the principal's actions.
Called the district health office first. I talked to the nurse manager there about the decision not to call 911. She basically agreed with the principal's decision. She said there have been problems with schools sometimes calling 911 when not truly necessary and parents without health insurance getting a big bill ($600+) they couldn't pay. She also said that if there were no obvious signs of distress then she really thought that the principal had no justification for calling 911.
I explained the reaction we got in ER and their statements that there can be delayed presentation of symptoms and that it was appropriate for him to have come in for assessment despite the only symptoms being mild/mod neck pain and very mild swelling. They kept him for about 90 minutes/2 hours for observation and then let us go with instructions.
So the nurse said that was a good point and perhaps it would be a good idea for her to review the incident and discuss that concern with the principal.
When I explained that my son had serious chronic health issues including asthma she pretty much changed her tune and said yes that 911 probably should have been called and she would definitely contact the school to follow up. I told her I had shared my perspective with the principal and felt that any future incidents with my son would probably be handled differently.
The head of Safe Schools department called me at 5:30 yesterday afternoon. We talked for about 45 minutes. She was clearly supportive of my concerns about the possibility that there was any kind of choking game happening on campus. She also talked about the bullying issue. She said she'd talked to the principal before she called me and assured me that there would be school-wide actions taken once the principal and staff had figured everything out.
I made sure she knew that my son is 5'5" and a freshman while the other boy is well over 6' and is a 17 yo junior. She agreed with me that made the incident even more troubling.
The Safe Schools person said there has been no evidence that The Choking Game (getting high) is happening on the campuses in our area. She said the HS my son is at has been one of the safest HS campuses and felt I could count on the principal to take action to keep my son safe. She also said she is meeting with the principal next week to discuss things and find out what support the school district can give her in terms of school-wide education about bullying and choking games.
Thursday I called the police department and talked to the detective who handles school crimes. He agreed that the report should probably have been treated as a crime report so that the full name of the student involved was included and that a check was made to ensure that there was no criminal history or ongoing problems that the school was not aware of. Otherwise, the system would not do anything since my son hadn't suffered any long term injuries.
I told the officer that we were talking about a kid who is 17 and well over 6' tall doing this to my son who is 15 and 5'5". He did seem to think that made the incident more troubling but still thought that the school's punishments would be considered sufficient.
At my son's IEP meeting on Friday we agreed upon a safety plan. My son agreed to keep to the ED classroom and stay in there during lunch for now. He's only mainstreamed for 1 class a day - the last class - and the ED teacher will decide if he keeps him in the ED classroom or sends him out to that class. If difficult child leaves the ED room it will be with an aide if it's during any passing periods.
The ED teacher's classroom is popular during lunch time because the kids are welcome to hang out playing cards, using his microwave, play music - it's a fun place to hang. So that isn't really a hardship. The ED teacher asked my son if he was concerned about kids who aren't in the ED class being there during lunch and my son admitted there were some kids who are friends of the other boy that he'd rather not see during lunch. So the ED teacher is going to tell them they need to find somewhere else to hang out during lunch.
I said difficult child would not be staying after school from now on. I expressed my feeling that it was unfair that difficult child couldn't stay after school and that I hoped the other boy's family was going to take similar action.
Overall I am satisfied at this point. We'll see how things go over the next couple weeks.
Thanks to everyone for their input.