Update on Sis

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by eekysign, Jan 30, 2009.

  1. eekysign

    eekysign New Member

    Just wanted to drop a little positive note. Sis is doing pretty well since the before the holidays---getting booted out of school, finally admitting she needed help (it wasn't all OUR fault!!), then intensive almost-daily therapy for the next month or two allowed her to get to a place where her boarding school would take her back, and she WANTED to be there. She's back there now, and seeing the school's associated therapist a few times a week.

    I know, I wasn't sure about this plan of action, either. But she's been back a month, and she hasn't gotten into any trouble, even though she's been buried under make-up work. But other than venting to us, she has been doing it with-o breaking down. She's in a new dorm, which is much smaller and is a house, not a "hall", without the girl she was "mortal enemies" with, and she is doing OK!

    The over-arching plan of action is that she desperately wants to go home with her "BFF", an international student, over spring break (March). Mom told her that should could do that, if she had NO issues at school. Not one call from the teachers, not one blow-up on the phone, no disrespect to anyone, no fighting with the other girls, nothing. We had the typical goal of getting her modifying her own behavior, then reaping the benefits of being seen as a "good girl" for once. Personally, I thought she was getting set up for a HUGE fall (that whole track had never worked before with her), but she's doing WONDERFULLY. Apparently, we have found the one bribe that she wants with her whole heart. She's still thinking a little irrationally sometimes, but her therapist is working really hard on "perspective" with her. I think we've actually found someone who knows what they're doing!

    Not only was she good and kind at Christmas Eve dinner, but her good behavior let her strict-she's-just-a-spoiled-brat Granny decide to show her a little love for once, which made her absolutely GLOW. She did not freak out on Christmas Day, instead, she went upstairs and spent time alone in her room when she felt like she was going to blow up. We had one incident the next day, but she didn't fully escalate, and once we talked her down, she admitted that she was angry with a friend for not responding to her texts/calls, and not at us at all. She then APOLOGIZED. Eep.

    I'm refusing to let my guard down, but I think the combination of losing her place at a school she actually DID like going to, and realizing that people actually DO care about her (all her friends from school kept calling her and writing her once she got kicked out---thank GOD--you could literally SEE her starting to believe that these kids were her FRIENDS, and didn't secretly hate her!), was a really huge mental blow to her worldview.

    She was in a really, really bad, but vulnerable, place for the first time, ever, when she came home from school. She was absolutely the worst I'd ever seen her. It was perfect timing. Add intense therapy into that, and you had a kid who was listening for once. The more she behaves, the more positive reinforcement she gets from people she is starting to actually respect....I think we may have hit upon the perfect storm for her.

    Getting her out of the house so she couldn't blame Mom for her problems, her slow realization that she actually liked the boarding school, the school finally getting on board!!!, two good therapists (how did we get so lucky? we never could even a half-decent one, after years of looking!), a huge goal set out for her with a valuable prize at the end, friends for the first time in her life.....I'm refusing to "hope". But I'm not as scared as I was a few months ago. I can't believe we (and her therapist) were seconds away from psychiatric hospital'ing her, and were researching RTCs......and now I can actually see a little bit of a change in her, for the first time, ever. *fingers crossed*

    Hell, *toes crossed*, *arms crossed*, and *eyes crossed*, too. :)
  2. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'll cross all that stuff for you, too!


  3. lizzie09

    lizzie09 lizzie

    Yeah Eeky

    I am pleased for you too and I will say again what a great big sis and comfort to your mum you are....she really needs your constant support and warmth so much.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    What great news! It sounds like she's come an incredibly long way!
    I hope she remains stable. That is so awesome about the therapists. They are really doing their jobs.
    I've got all my body parts crossed, too.
    You are a wonderful sister!