Update on Tink

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Oct 8, 2009.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Tink has been in the psychiatric hospital 2 weeks as of today.

    The doctor, whom I have only spoken to once and never met, has given her a diagnosis of mood disorder not otherwise specified. She is on Lithium and Seroquil. She is now more hyper and attention seeking than I have EVER seen her.

    My heart is breaking for her...she says the staff yells at her all the time, and while I know she can be a drama queen, it hurts me to think that she is not getting love from mommy every day.

    Copper went to visit her today. She waited close to an hour for them to bring Tink to the visiting room. Finally someone asked her "who are you here to see?" She told them she was there to see Tink, and their response was "oh she is upstairs crying because she thought nobody came to visit her". OMG my heart broke. THEN Copper tells me that Tink told her that whenever she is about to get a visit, she "hears voices" telling her "you're gonna get shanked and die".

    I am beside myself. To the best of my knowledge, she does not know what shanked means, which means either she heard someone say it once and now she thinks she is hearing it again, or someone is TELLING her that. Who tells an 8YO they are gonna get shanked?

    I don't know what to do. I spent 2 weeks convincing myself that I did the right thing, now all I want to do is get her out of there, I want to "save" her...
  2. RWHangel

    RWHangel New Member

    :( I am so sorry you are having such a rough time with this but in the end YES you did the right thing. I know it sounds hard but you have got to try and get involved with her treatment. Find out what the doctor thinks about the hyperness why is she "hearing voices" get some questions like this together that you demand to be answered and hun don't leave that hospital till they are. Sometimes you have to get gruff with psychiatric hospital staff and let them know that though you put her there she is still YOUR child and you demand to get some answers. I will continue to pray for you and tink.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    BBK, I'm so sorry. I know you were hoping for a better report. Many, many hugs to you and Tink.
  4. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    BBK, is there any chance the medications are making Tink worse? In rare cases, antipsychotics like Seroquel can cause psychosis (like voices) in kids who didn't have have it before. I hope you can find out from the psychiatrist if this is the case with Tink.

    Was any psychological testing done on Tink before the diagnosis of mood disorder was given? It would be helpful to make sure the diagnosis is accurate.

    Hugs. You and Tink have both been through a lot.
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    BBK, I'm so sorry that Tink is having such a hard time of it. My heart is just breaking for her ... and for you!

    I don't think "shanked" is is term she could have just come up with out of her imagination. A "shank" is a prison term for a homemade knife or some other kind of a homemade weapon, NOT something a child would know anything about. She had to have heard somebody else use this term. Sending lots of (((hugs))) to you. I know how much you must be hurting.
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Many hugs to both you and Tink. I'm sorry that things aren't going better. I too would be wondering about the term "shank"; she had to get that from somewhere. I also don't like that she had to wait an extra hour to see Copper. I would definitely be making a phone call to see why that happened.

    Praying for improvements soon-please don't second guess your decision to have her hospitalized-it so hurts your mommy heart but if she hadn't needed to be you wouldn't have made the decision.
  7. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    I agree with the others that you should make a phone call and speak directly to Tink's doctor. You have every right and should know exactly what Tink's treatment plan is, why Copper had to wait so long to see her, and why she is getting worse rather than better.

    As smallworld said, it is important to find out what testing was done on Tink before she was diagnosed and to make sure that the Seroquel isn't making Tink worse.

    Please don't second guess your decision to have Tink hospitalized. You did the right thing. I know it is heartbreaking... I'm so sorry...

    As always, I'm keeping Tink in my thoughts and prayers and sending lots of hugs your way... SFR
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    BBK, I'm beyond stunned that a hospital therapist or SW hasn't contacted you about visits & therapy.

    In my experience with psychiatric hospital & the tweedles, things always got worse before they got better. It may be that the medications are making her agitated. It may be some of the other kids on the ward. Even on the children's ward there are some pretty tough, street wise & sophisticated kids. Tink needs to seek out an adult every time she feels unsafe or threatened.

    Like another said, Tink may not be tolerating the medications. She may need different combo or just one medication added at a time.

    Either way ((((gentle hugs)))) to both you & Tink. She will survive this ~ in the meantime, you get some rest. You take some time to heal & get strong. It needs to happen.
  9. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    Check your pms.

    One thing that drove me nuts was the movies the kids were allowed to watch. It is quite possible she saw a PG movie about prison in which someone got shanked.

    She is where she needs to be, you did the right thing. Now the goal is to get psychiatric hospital staff to do their thing. IME you are not going to get to talk to doctor except at her staffing (you've had 2 already, right?). You should be able to talk to her case manager 5 days/week and the charge nurse on the other two days.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry.
    Have you met with-the SW and therapist yet? You're supposed to meet 3X a wk.
    Sounds like she's on the wrong medications.
    Again, I am so sorry.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Terry - BBK is in my neck of the woods and up here she would get a once a week staffing with the psychiatrist and one therapist and a once a week family therapy with a therapist but the family therapy doesn't necessarily start the first week. Communication with family is not a strong point for our local phosps.
  12. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Okay - hon. Here's my official take on the situation. But first a message from me to you. HUGE HUGS, YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS, You can pay now OR pay later. If you pay now when she's young - the consequences are much less severe. If you allow her to go through this it will break your heart but she will survive it. If you do not allow her to go through this - you look at any number of women on COPS, or in correctional institutions, mental institutions or homeless. Am I right about that? (shrugs) How do any of us know if we are right? It's at best a shot in the dark; however if my choices are:

    allow my child the chance to be around people who can observe her/his manipulative/hyper/out of control behavior at age 5,6,7.8.9 - and try to find a solution through behavior intervention in a controlled environment with staff and medication or

    bring her home where I know only how to nurture the continual bad behavior with no end in sight? Not that I MEAN to - just that I'm not a trained professional AND take a CHANCE that it will continue into adulthood and possibly get worse or POSSIBLY correct itself.

    I'm going with the first option and did - repeatedly until I felt I had NO heart left. BUT I do - and Kitty - I have more of it, and more compassion than almost anyone I know....and I get a lot of the things I never did before about a lot of people. I'm not numb...I'm very intune.

    (passes entire box of kleenex)

    I Love you Kitty......I mean that. You know it. I love Tink too.

    The hardest thing I will EVER EVER Tell you through tears that I couldn't cry with you the other night one Mom to another is....

    Let them do their job.....and if she's uncomfortable....isn't she smart enough to manipulate them to get out of being in an uncomfortable place? Yes - she's brilliant. And the shank thing? - Think TV....11 year old boy...or other kids that have been around in the system or have uncles or other family members that overhear things. Thats all that is....big kid talk to little kids....HEY try this....it scared my parents to death and I was out in a day.

  13. horserider

    horserider New Member

    I am new to the board but also wanted to let you know my thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. The stress of other people caring for our difficult child's is unbearable at times, and what they are exposed to with the other children. A good friend reminds me my difficult child will be a strong willed, compassionate adult, because of what he has been through as a child.

    Take care of yourself, and remember your not alone.
  14. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    This is so hard to go through as a Mom. On the shanked thing, what are the odds she overheard Matt saying something about it after one or another of his trips to jail? Or heard one of her sibs talk about being worried about it in regards to Matt?

    You are going to have to be firm with the psychiatric hospital. When Wiz was in parents did NOT get to talk to the psychiatrist. If you wanted to talk with the psychiatrist they flat out told you to move your child to a private psychiatric hospital and pay the full price. Otherwise just do what the nurse tells you to do.

    It didn't fly. I found that they had meetings with the psychiatrist and all the top staff one morning a week. They tried their best to deal with Wiz before I was there, or to keep me waiting until I would go away. After about 2-3 weeks they learned I would be there, even if they met at 5:30 am (the psychiatric hospital was almost 2 hours away) or if they kept me waiting until 10:30 or 11 am. THEN I asked for testing - oh the horrors of being an informed parent!!! Horrors THEY went through, not me.

    I just kept a couple of books in the car and let them change times on me all they wanted. I just didn't leave the waiting room AND I started talking to other parents about how to empower themselves and get the staff to take notice. When they noticed the rash of parents who were suddenly asking questions and making stinks about things they got me out of that waiting room ASAP.

    Do what you need to to let her stay. Unless you see signs of outright abuse you are going to have to let them at least try to help her. She has been on a downward spiral for a couple of years, based on your posts. She won't turn it around in a week or three.

    Lots of hugs. It is so hard to wait, isn't it?
  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    so sorry you have to go through this. I am hoping she stabilizes soon. -RM
  16. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    Hugs first of all. I know it's hard.


    Make phone calls, ask questions, inform yourself. Don't be snotty unless you have to but let them know they are dealing with an involved parent and an informed one. YOU are the parent and YOU have the RIGHT to know what's going on. If you're not comfortable with the medications, ask for a meet with the doctor to find out more. If they try to poo poo that, insist. Tell them that they are giving YOUR child medications and treatment and that you as the PARENT need to know what is going on. I know some things have to be different but I've never understood why phospitals operate in such a different manner from "normal" hospitals. (treatment plans, parent information, etc.) What have you had in the way of family therapy? Every time difficult child was admitted, we usually walked out of there from the intake with an appointment card and were expected to comply. Even the last time when he was legally an adult....he still lived at home and was in school. Which, by the way, was the only time we got someone who had a clue. The therapist we got is actually legally blind...could see very little...mostly light and shadows, but he got more from just listening than anyone else had from seeing. difficult child, I'm sure, thought he could pull one over on the guy by speaking earnestly. :rofl: The guy didn't buy it and saw right through it. I loved it!

    Sit down and make a concise list of your concerns and/or questions. Start calling until you get someone who can answer those questions to your satisfaction. You may want to also check to see if there is a social worker or someone there who can help you with this. If the doctor truly is too busy to speak to you at length (not the best situation but possible) maybe you can find someone to act as a liason of sorts. Express your concern about Tink but don't come across as a mom who is worried that her baby girl isn't getting hugs or doesn't have her blanke or stuff like that. Show them that you are a mom who cares greatly but understands Tink needs help and that you want to be and intend to be involved in her treatment. Know what I mean?? Ask about after care services.....the social worker can help with this. Show them that you are an involved parent and not a stage/diva mom....if that makes sense.

    Keep a log of every person you speak with. Times, dates, what was said....all of it. Any communication between you (and Copper or Matt for that matter) and anyone there should be documented. Not only does that help you keep things straight for yourself, it can help if there are any inconsistancies in what you are told. Or, it can be used later if there are problems you need to address in regards to their level of care.

    And if things happen again like when Copper visited....report it. Start with the nurses station where Tink is at and go up the chain if you have to. That is beyond unacceptable. Again though, don't go off on them. Be polite but stern and let them know that you won't tolerate that kind of treatment. Granted, sometimes people get busy and things happen but for a scared 8 year old to be crying because she thinks no one is visiting? Nope...not going to happen. I don't think they want a lobby full of warrior mom's showing up. :winks:

    As for you....I know you are worried but you need to take this time to decompress. Try to find the line between concern for Tink and having BBK time and stay on your side of it. Sometimes the only good breaks husband and I had over the years were times when difficult child was either in the psychiatric hospital or juvie. LOL Not the best circumstances, I'll give you that, but you take what you can get.

  17. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    BBK, others have already given you great advice on how to handle the psychiatric hospital, deal with the docs etc. I am sending you a giant basket of hugs. As many as you need for as long as you need them.

  18. idohope

    idohope Member

    Hugs. You and Tink are in my prayers.
  19. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    another thing to ask in retrospect ----before you think the worst -

    ASK the staff if the place has cameras and if they are constantly being taped. This will ease your mind considerably. AND if Tink tells you something like Dude told me - the tapes (most likely) will be kept for a period of time. Ask how long they keep their tapes. This will also ease your mind. If she does tell you something that sounds outrageous? Tell her you will ask the supervisor or manager to review the tapes. YOU will not be able to review the tapes because of HIPPA - but if there was any abuse in the least they WILL deal with the staff member. There are TOO TOO many people waiting and begging for those jobs for them to tolerate ANY kind of nonsense with a child. So that much I have never worried about (like covering up for someone).

    If she does tell you that a staff or child was inappropriate in anyway - CALL THEM and let Tink know they have video tapes and you will be having the tapes reviewed. That usually gets you one of two things - a confession that it didn't happen or relief that it will be taken care of.

    I hope this puts your mind at ease on that point.
  20. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Read this thread and take strength from it.
    I saw psychiatrist once a week and had Family sessions once a week. I believe it was a weekly or twice weekly meeting with the therapist as well.
    But because I was bringing K back to the hotel each night I was seeing them a bit more than others.
    It was still like pulling teeth to get them to listen or to find out what they thought or what was going on.

    I had to get pushy and set some boundaries as far as what was going to be done and how. I made it very clear that NO medication changes would ever take place without my OK'ing it.
    It didn't help me in the long run because at that point I didn't have a clue about the medications.

    But you are so much further ahead of most people at this point. You are so smart and are not letting Tink get to the point where there is no return or little hope of change.
    She is going to get better, I don't know if this place is the long term answer or all of the answers, but it is a start for you and her. It is the jump start for change.

    I wish I could be with you and help you through this.