Update on Tink's

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Big Bad Kitty, Aug 25, 2007.

  1. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I guess I am detaching with my 6 year old, too.

    A couple weeks ago, I posted here because I was having a major malfunction with Tink and her refusal to clean up her room. She eventually did, after I banned her to her room until she did pick it up.

    Well it took about 2 hours and it was a mess again. So many of you good people gave me so many great ideas, I just had to try to formulate a plan that would work for us.

    As a side note, but having a little to do with this, we find out today that Tink has a ringworm on her arm.

    Okay, so I decide that if she wants her room to be a sty FOR NOW, fine, but KEEP the CLOTHES where they belong. Therin lies the problem. Little miss sassy pants tries on all her school clothes and then just throws them on the floor. And our place is pretty small, there really is nowhere to hide it. So, she stays in her room (often having a stroke) until she puts her clothes away.

    Now today, we had to sort all the clothes that she has worn since her rash started, and put them in a pile. That includes her sheets. While we were at it, we went through her "dress up clothes" and pulled out the torn, the ugly, and the disgusting. We tossed those that she had worn (that were salvagable) in the wash. My dad picked Tink up to take her to the zoo. I kept going (thank God for a less humid day) and have successfully cleaned out the "den" (the spare room, which was my bedroom before I moved my bed to the frontroom) of all Tink's papers and junk that was everywhere. She has her desk, 3 coloring books, one small art box with 32 crayons and 10 markers, and a pen. There are scissors, glue, tape, stamps, and stencils in hoc for her to earn back. EVERYTHING else is in the trash. And it was a TON. No wonder this kid feels entitiled.

    I still have her room to do! I have been warning her that it is coming, that she will have less stuff. She actually told me she wanted it that way. Does that say something? When she goes to her friends house, you should see her...she takes her backpack and stuffs it with papers, crayons, all kinds of stuff...nobody has the stuff that this kid has.

    I need a rest and my inhaler, lol.

    If you read all this, I am sorry.
  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well congrats to you, for taking the bull by the horns, and drawing the line in the sand. I betcha lil Tink will be blown away when she comes home from the zoo!!!
    But my guess is that she will actually be relieved!!!

    I have found that the more clutter and mess in my son's room - the more his thoughts and actions become like his room. It is almost symbolic. If his room is clutter free, he seems to be calmer, more grounded. Oh wait....maybe that is me :crazy2:
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    How funny that she said she would prefer her room that way. One Christmas morning when my son was 3 or 4 and just getting into the "spirit" of things, an interesting thing happened. There he sat with about 8-10 presents to unwrap and he kept opening them at our insistance until we tried get to him to open about the 3rd or 4th. He cried STOP, I just want to play with the one I have. He had a bit of a meltdown from the overstimulation. So we took the rest of the presents away and throughout the week gave him one each day. It was a lesson to us. How crazy it is to encourage our kids to open present after present in a frenzy. It's too much for these kids. Less is more. You're doing great! MicheleL
  4. Janna

    Janna New Member


    I still say take everything. She says she wants it that way? Good. Don't even say anything, just take it all.

    She's gonna want something. Eventually. Some time down the road. A week, two, three ~ she's gonna think "oh yeah, where's my ~whatever~. And when she wants it, she's not gonna get it. Why? Because her room isn't clean.

    I would get a piece of construction paper. Start it tomorrow (Sunday). Put 7 blocks on it for each day of the week.

    Leave nothing but clothing, bed, dresser in the room, and put that piece of paper on the wall/door/somewhere she can see it. Tell her for every day there are no clothes on the floor, she can have a star/sticker/whatever on the chart. For every (however many) days, she gets to earn something.

    I wouldn't make it a week to start. Too long. Say, 2 or 3 days, then over time, extend it a week.

    She doesn't pick up, she doesn't get anything. She picks up for a few days, earns something, then doesn't, she loses something she's earned.

    I don't think you need to detach. You need to discipline. That's all. Say what you mean, mean what you say, follow through. Ignore the crap in between.
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I kept my kids toys recycled, and went thru them often to discard ones no longer played with either to charity or the trash. I also kept incoming toys ect down to a minimun. Bdays had a toy limit, as did Christmas.

    Too much "stuff" can overwhelm a child, often they lose respect for any of it.

    I'm seeing this problem creeping up on easy child and Darrin. She'll have to confront it soon herself.

  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I like the way you're handling it. There is no question that too much can truly overwhelm and I bet Tink sincerely means it when she says she likes it that way. She may have a mini-meltdown at first because she'll think that is what she's supposed to do but I'm willing to bet it won't be a big one and she'll soon be happily playing with what's left. You may want to give her some options with some of the toys -- keep X and give Y to a charity for another little girl to play with. We did this whenever she got a new toy. It really did work wonders for keeping toys under control. However, it did little for keeping her room clean.
  7. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    Way to go on tackling that nightmare job! In fact, you've encouraged me to get off my but* and clean my own room! If I don't post for a few days, I think I gave WeepingWillow my address. You many need to send her to come find me! LOL
  8. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think you are handling it well! I know my difficult child too does much better with less clutter!
  9. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    :bravo: Great job!

    difficult child has a lot of stuff in the basement...stuff that she couldn't bear to part with, but that has been down there for almost 2 years now untouched. We'll be moving soon and she was complaining that she would have no room for her stuff that is in the basement. I told her we're not moving that stuff; we're getting rid of it. She threw a fit. I told her that if she could name anything that was down there, she could have it. Instant silence. She won't be keeping much.
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Way To Go! Good job!
    I understand about her not wanting her room cluttered. When we completely cleaned out our difficult child's room, and I mean really cleaned it out--nothing but a mattress, not even lightbulbs in the ceiling fixture--difficult child not only did not have a meldown, he was very calm and said he liked it better! It occurred to me that it was part of the overstimulation with-his ADHD.
    You know that room clutter breeds when you're n Occupational Therapist (OT) looking (all that invisible junk DNA, LOL!), so there will be times when you have to re-clean the house and room, but ea time it will be easier, because you'll have a system down, plus, there will be less to do.
    I am so sorry about the ringworm. been there done that with-our easy child, with-a cat from the SPCA that she only held for 2 min.!
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Another thought. I really, really hate toys that come with all those little pieces. They end up all over the house. I used to pick them up and put them away. That got old fast. Now I pick them up and throw them away. I don't want to pick them up twice and if she really wanted them she would do it herself.

    Yes, I know...random thoughts. It's late; I'm allowed.
  12. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    The only things my difficult child has that he plays are all the game systems (3 systems), ipod, phone and computer. When he was out of control I get so fed up I take the keyboard, mouse, game system controllers, ipod and phone, pack them up and hide them. He then has to earn them back one at a time. If he doesn't behave..well then he doesn't get them. I agree if you take everything she may say, "I don't care" (mine would) but in time she will be asking for them. I let him choose what he wants back. Usually the computer...so one day I gave him just the mouse. lol, should of seen his face! Like giving her a color book with no crayons. lol. I bet she would give you a look. lol. It's fun when we get the laugh!

    Hope you are feeling better.
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    I'd have to remember to give her the book and not the crayons.
    If I gave her the crayons and not the book, I'm sure I'd find wall murals in her room!!


    I can't tell you how many toy pieces got tossed. Your thoughts may have been random, but right on the money.

    I overdid it yesterday. I am SO sore today that I don't know if I am going to get to her bedroom. And I really wanted to. Oh do I hurt...
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    OK, I decided to just tackle her room. To me it felt like if I didn't get her room cleared out, then clearing out the den made little sense.

    If there was ever a day that I hated being this kid's mom, it is today.

    97 barbie shoes, under the bed, waaaay in the corner where I can't reach them. All the stuffing pulled out of a stuffed anumal, also under the bed. but not in one big ploofy pile, noooo. Separated into cotton ball sized ploofs so that there are 500 of them all over the floor. The carpeted floor. That they stick to. Q-tips wedged under the baseboard vents. Wrappers and backings from I can't tell you how many bandaids. ALL over the floor; under the bed. What bandaids she did not use hidden in a jewelry box. What Q-tips she did not use in another jewelry box. MY makeup in her purse. DVD cases under her dresser. Behind the empty brownie box. Next to the empty frosting tub. With the foil part sticking right to the carpet. This accumulated in what, a week or so??

    OK, I've been hesitant to strip her room to the bed and dresser, my intention was to thin it out a bit, and I'm well on my way. A question for those of you who have done that. So...what do your kids do? Tink whines that she is bored now! If I have to listen to her mouth, I'll go nuts. Granted she will be in school most of the day, but...I'm just saying. Do they get anything? TV privileges? Books? coloring books? Or they have to earn EVERYTHING?
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Well.......I guess it seems like you need to know what your goal really is. Usually stripping a room to nothing is because a child has committed a major infraction, like stealing, lying, etc. It seems, in my opinion, a bit overboard to strip everything out of her room just because she is an excessive slob. If the goal is simply to have her be able to manage her room and keep it clean, than I would just pare down the toys, put some in a box for her to earn, and insist the others are put away in their containers when she is done playing with them. I would also put a mandate of no food in the room. Then every night before you put her to bed I would do "a room check", and if she has violated any of your cleanliness rules, than she loses a privilege, or toy, or whatever. I think it will require you to inspect her room daily, and stay on top of her daily, for her to truly understand how to keep things clean. My guess is that her little mind is a mirror copy of her room - her mind is probably racing and rattling a mile a minute - and therefore the concept of organization does not even occur to her instrinsically. It will have to be a skill you have to teach her, probably for quite awhile, in many different situations of her life.
  16. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    I certainly don't miss those days with difficult child 2. OMG the things I would find in his room. For us we did take everything out to start with. He was allowed a book that came from outside his room and had to be returned when he was done. However when we did this he was a little older. I would allow her to keep a couple and I do mean like 2 things to start with and have her earn the rest back. But of course I am a little hard hearted about that or was because when I would go in the things I would find broken or the things that shouldn't be in there would make me nuts (not that it is too far of a trip most days). But you have to do what you think will work for Tink. Whatever you decide stick to your guns.

    Good luck.

  17. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Well I am done, or as done as I am willing to get right now. I did not take away as much as I wanted to. For awhile there I considered putting 95% of her belongings in the den and locking it up, but I ran out of energy. I am so sore and tired. And now she is on her way home.

    There are 8 bags of garbage on my patio. Thank God for my neighbor who is going to put them in the dumpster for me before Tink gets home. Out of sight, out of mind, but if she SEES some of the stuff, she'll flip.

    I'm definitely willing to take away more if the need arises. I'm just dead to the world right now...
  18. waytootired

    waytootired New Member

    Bravo..Good for you! I bet she will feel better, not so overwhelmed with the clutter. If she misses something, she'll get over it evenually(I hope). It's got to feel great for you too and I think right now that is most important.