Well, friends, the day has come and isn't quite gone but I don't know any more than I did this morning. Isn't that just the way of difficult children? I get prepared and then....nothing. Of course, I never can be prepared for what happens, just like today. Usually, court is over by noon. My (great) plan was to call the court office and find out the disposition of his case before I went to see him for the scheduled visit at 2. Did that, but court was still in session and the clerks were still in court so no info. I went to the visit at 2, got there early, at 1:45 and they called us back late at about 2:10, only to say that the technology for the video system was having trouble. Finally they got it working, and then they came to get me and said difficult child was still in court and so no visit. So I called the court office again---no info yet. They suggested I call back at 4, since they close at 4:15. I did, still no info. I'll call in the morning. I am smiling wryly at it all and at myself. I'm telling myself to lean in, instead of getting all freaked out about not knowing something RIGHT NOW. I don't need to know right now, and that's why I don't know right now. Of course, friends and family are calling and texting so....ugh to that. My beloved sister---like I have posted before---texted me at 1ish: What happened with ____ yesterday? Well, first of all, really, you text that kind of question? Really????? Also, it wasn't yesterday, it is today. She knew that. I didn't respond. I know, I'm probably on edge but it makes me crazy when she does that. She can't even pick up the phone to call---she has to fire off a text. It just feels very insensitive to me. Then later she called and left a voice mail. She and my mom were in the car, and she said "Just curious (!!!!????) about what happened with _______. Call when you get a chance." Curious. What a strange and impersonal word to use. Am I just taking out my angst on her like difficult child does me? Probably. But it really gets under my skin. It really does. It is hurtful. Again, trying to lean in. Sat on the front porch this morning and read Chodron's Uncertainty book for a while. Great book, so much wisdom about how to change our own wiring and just let go. Lean in. Let go of the need to control. I need to read this every day. While I really don't want to have to respond to friends and family, I did want to tell you all. You get it. You understand. The highs and lows. I don't have to spell it out. I am grateful for you all today. I may hear from difficult child tonight. If I do, I'll let you know. Or tomorrow. It is what it is. Let time take its time. Distance, silence and space are okay. Lean in. I'll know when I need to know. Trying to take my own advice. I'm going to go watch a movie. Thanks for being here.