Update on us

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Dec 14, 2007.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    L lost her job last month. She was there about three months. She's still in her apartment that she got in October but says that she is "not renewing" her lease. I'm not certain how she got a three month lease, but she's now looking for a place taking roommates.

    She has been spending the last several weeks trying to contact M, and trying to arrange some sort of truce with my family and I. You might remember that she called my mother and asked if I could join them for dinner. They told her no, and that I should work up to invites to Holiday dinners with individual meetings with my sisters and parents to see if I was good enough to be invited. No thanks. Somehow L sees this as hopeful. I see it as insulting at best. My sister has been in her ear telling her that I shoved my mother around nine years ago the last time I saw her. Isn't it nice to know why you have been a pariah for nearly a decade?

    She spoke to M last week. M lost his latest job. Again. He had been living with a girl, but the girl told him to leave. He told L that he doesn't know where he is going to go, but there are a few friends he could sleep on the sofa with for a few days, "but they drink a lot so that might not be good for me to be around." Well, I can honestly say that we don't have an extra bed, because the only bed in our house is the one we sleep in. He wouldn't be welcome to stay in any case. Maybe he can sleep on L's sofa? Considering that she called me a week or so ago to ask my opinion as to whether he might have some sort of mental health issue that seems unlikely. I told her that I didn't care to put labels on people, but I felt it was possible he had some problems with depression.

    I just got a text from L that she was meeting M for coffee. I texted back "Tell him hello and ask if he needs anything." I didn't know what else to say. He can ask - not that he will - but that wouldn't guarantee that he would get what he asked for. I'll post when I know more.

    We just got husband's annual salary notification. A whopping 3% raise. And his bonus is about 60% of what it was last year. I guess we're done Christmas shopping. It's not good. I have been drumming up a lot of business for my boss, but he's notorious for being stingy. I don't know if I will get a bonus or not. So, all in all, it's been a very tough couple of weeks.

    We have no plans for Christmas because no one has invited us. L could come, but she has other places to be, and there's really not a lot of gifts or much to do with us. I don't know that we will hear from M. L will probably make arrangements for my family to have him over and then they can all have a big pity party for him, with me as the villain. I was going to make arrangements to go to the beach or mountains for Christmas, just so that we wouldn't have to be alone and doing nothing special. But I think that's not in the budget.
  2. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen


    Look at what the pressure of the holidays is putting on you. Finances are a really tough thing to endure, and they shouldn't be a factor in the spirit of the season. Bake cookies. (I can't bake so that is out for me!) Make a DVD of family pictures. Write a loving note to everyone. This is one thing you don't need.

  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I am amazed with L. Simply amazed. She's on her own, she's thinking ahead (room mate thing) and she talks to M (not so surprising) but what is; is the fact that SHE called YOU and asked for your opinion regarding the severity of M's problems. Maybe for a moment she had thought about having him room with her and the others? Then thought better of it. THAT has got to be a feather in both your caps. And for M to hear him say that hanging out with the alcoholic friends wasn't the best for him? Huh HUH? Pretty amazing to this Auntie. It's small - but it's a realization of what isn't good for him. I pray for a day when Dude says "Well I should not do that because it isn't a good idea." 17 years & I still get "Wow I guess that was a bad idea huh?" (dong, dong, dong)

    I don't think you are jaded either. I think you've done what you've had to do in order to survive. Your M like my Dude will never come to light on another branch in my house. While it's sad there has to be SOME happiness in knowing that you won't allow that person to wreck havoc on your physical and mental space. I think they all get to rent a little space in our heads from time to time - but once you put a kid out and shut the door? I think it starts a healing process, 3 steps forward, 2 back, one to the side, turn - no......that's the hustle. But you get what I'm saying?

    As far as your family? WOooooooo :whew: I guess my thought (because I've been there done that) was when you are out of the picture who will the new goat be? Who gets to be the Jonah once you are not at their emotional beck and call? WHO is it that will be sheering black wool off their arms for the sake of being this families black sheep? If you know - maybe you could tell her/him to prepare. Because it sounds to me like you're ready to sheer YOUR wool. Yes sir, yes sir, 3 bags full. I've seen this in my family, in families of guys I dated, and it never ceases to amaze me once the Pariah is gone; whomever the self-appointed hierarchy goes after next. If you've ever watched a Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom special about Hyenah's it's incredibly bizarre how close their behaviors mimic humans.

    I'm glad you aren't a hyenah! DId you know though that they have the strongest jaw pressure of any land mammal? Something about jaws/families - don't know where I was going with this but something will bite and hang on about it.

    Listen - YOU have a gift. It makes you unique, it defines who you are and if your family can't appreciate it - then sorry for them. My Mom is blunt and doesn't mince words. If you ask her what is on her mind you are going to hear it. So if you don't want to know - better off not to :censored2: foot around and ask for a super, duper, rainbow, kittens, and lollipops explanation of what you think you wanted to hear. She just shoots from both barrels - a lot like you. And when you are trying to wade through family :censored2: decades old? I'd bring the canon -

    Mostly I'm sorry that your family can't appreciate you for who you are. You're a wonderful, clever, caring, straight-forward, loving friend to us...and well after this many years it's not "I know this girl who...." it's - I have a friend who has two kids a boy and a girl L&M and she's done this and that - and you know, I like saying that. I like having you for a friend, cyber or otherwise...

    SO this year - maybe you start some New Traditions too. I'm certainly having a Felix the cat kind of year - I dig any further into my bag of tricks and I'm going to fall in.

    I know your families rejection hurts - just know out here in space somewhere is someone who likes you just the way you are. And you tell your family that THIS FAMILY that you belong to couldn't hold a candle to them and their dysfunction and there's like I dunno 4500 of us - THAT should put some coal in their stocking!

  4. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I didn't know that cats feet was a bad word.... :smile: I am sorry about that - will find another acronym for kitty feet.

    Like Meow toes, no.
    Um...Feline metatarsals? Wow that's out there
    OH OH....no.

    I guess I'm stuck with saying Meow Mix eater feet or :censored2: feet. It was a good laugh thought.

  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Abbey. The financial thing isn't too bad, it's just been stressful the way his company did it this year. It was bought out by Warren Buffet last year, and he didn't earn his "second richest man in the world" stripes by giving it away. But, husband had just changed departments last year and we had hoped he would get a promotion to "Lead Senior" this year. But they changed the job titles, and in October, he got a glowing review with a score of 3.6 out of 4.5, and a new title of "Level 15". They had changed all of the job titles. In addition to that, they wrote on the review that people who are "Level 15" earn between $54k and $97k, and he could wait until December to find out. We weren't anywhere near the $97k to say the least last year. But I was hopeful. Then he got an e-mail last week saying that all bosses would schedule meetings this week to discuss new wage levels. At 4:00 PM he still didn't know, so we knew it wasn't going to be as good as we hoped. But, oh well. I'm sticking to the handmade gifts I planned, and the few nicer things I have already budgeted. I was more looking forward to being a little further ahead and having a little more flexibility next year though. :frown:

    OK, so what are :censored2: feet in this sentence? :rofl: Is it the same thing as it was in your original post? It really "inhales" that we can't use certain words, doesn't it? And I usually don't know which ones they are until I read it, and wonder why I can't talk about using a "stretchy" band...
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hey girls........don't worry about the censors...go ahead and type :censored2: and :censored2: or maybe cat :smile: :censored2: feet...just write it in an email to each other. :flower:

    Suz :angel:

    PS- Witz, I'm sorry. You've had a heckuva year. Hugs.
  7. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey Witz, I'm sorry everything is so bad right now. For what it's worth, I only got about 10% of the bonus I got last year. And stupidly, I was counting on it more than ever. Well, at least I can honestly say it was a big surprise. But now, we're really tightening the belt. The odd thing is, it doesn't seem like I did any less work or put in any less effort...hmmm. Bah humbug!

    Create traditions that suit you and H - create spiritual ones, fun ones, goofy ones. Go with it. Spend Christmas Eve with cherished friends. Plan something special but simple.

    H and I are alone every other Christmas and we typically make a big dinner the night before so we can hit an afternoon matinee on Christmas Day. Then we come home and eat and chill. Matinee Movies on Christmas day has become our tradition. Even the girls like it and beg us to go when they are home for Christmas! Do you have dogs? Maybe take them for a hike after Christmas breakfast. I think it's important for you and H to appreciate the holiday season in a way that makes you happy and brings you peace.

    You need to appreciate yourself. Don't wait on others to come through for you. You're worthy of love and tenderness and peace, happiness and joy, aren't you? Sending lots of hugs~

    ps: And the points Star made were very true - a lot of realizations going on with L and M. You should be proud of that!
  8. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    husband came home and we went over the numbers. A raise is a raise, and a bonus is a bonus. We are getting about $3,500 more than last year. That should about cover gasoline. The hard part is that they keep saying they are going to eliminate the bonus. It probably will happen next year, but we won't know until November '08. If they do, that makes next year's salary a $3k pay cut. Arrgghh!
  9. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Sorry to hear you are in a money crunch too. I'm just happy to finally be working. :surprise: No big Christmas here either. I'm keeping it simple this year. I have lots of bills to catch up on.

    Don't sit around doing nothing. Play games together, watch old Christmas movies, bake or something. Make some new traditions that don't include nutty family members. :santa:

  10. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Witz, you need to sit down and watch Christmas Vacation with Chevy Chase. The whole bonus thing takes on a new meaning. :rofl: I've probably watched that show 100 times.

    I just couldn't do the stress involved with holiday finances anymore. Hence, no gifts this year, and I am TOTALLY fine with that. We'll just meet with friends and have some egg nog. One thing I can do is donate my business services to those in need and that gives me more pleasure than a gift.

  11. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    You will have a nice Christmas in your own home with those who you love and who love you back. It'll be relaxing and nice. Money doesn't buy the important things. It will be good.-Alyssa
  12. goldenguru

    goldenguru New Member

    Heh Witz -

    Kinda takes the Holly Jolly out of Christmas. Between the kids and finances - Geesh.

    I think lots of people are feeling the crunch this year. I just read the morning paper. In our fine state, the mortgage foreclosures are up 80% over last year. 135,000 families lost their homes to foreclosures this year in Michigan.

    Sorry it's not going to be your finest Christmas.

  13. Marcie Mac

    Marcie Mac Just Plain Ole Tired

    Its going to be a very low key Xmas here as well Witz. Bonus, raise, what are those? LOL

    I usually drop a LOT of money at the holidays for presents - not this year though. I usually go all out at Xmas, but we have appeared to have reached a milestone that everyone in the house already has everything they ever wanted, me included. Its been a lot more pleasurable just looking for little surprise stuff for them this year instead of running all over the place looking for the latest toys they just "have" to have.

    It will be just me and the boys and probably the X for Xmas dinner. Don't know if I will get to see my gkids for Xmas- my guess is no so I have to make some sort of arrangement with their mother to get their gifts over to them.

    A movie sounds like a really good idea - SO and I have not been to the movies in a longgggg time..