update....out in the cold

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by carolanne, Jan 13, 2007.

  1. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Gfgd is starting to show her true colours at the grouphome. She had been asked to do her chores and refused....was given the house punishment(no tv) and decided to take off for a couple days. She finally showed up....but with attitude....told her primary care to f off and told him he was a :censored2:....that got her put in the seclusion room for 48 hours....she came out and apologized....they said things seemed to be okay, she was cooperating....

    Yeah right...

    They call me today and say that she has denied us(her dad and me) any access during her stay there...stated that she is an adult now and will do things her way. They went on to fill me in on some of her statements.....she hates her sisters, mom should have aborted the baby, they abuse me...etc etc etc.

    The short of it is...she's 17 so the home doesn't have to keep us up on what is going on with her....but he(her primary care) said he will call every two weeks with a general update...

    So we are totally in the dark now....I did give him a message to pass on though....we love her and miss her but the door is closed if she is only calling for $$, clothing etc....

    Tough love...god I hate it...

    Carolanne :9-07tears:
     
  2. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sounds like your response was the best possible. on the other hand, I
    can only imagine how conflicted you must feel. The relief
    of not having to deal with her antics daily must be awesome
    but offset by your disappointment that life has taken such
    an unexpected ugly turn.

    Sending hugs your way. DDD
     
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    I'm sorry, Carolanne. It's a heartbreak sometimes. I think you did the only thing you could....pass the word on that she is loved and try to detach from there. I hope you get good updates and that this distance helps her miss you and to appreciate her family.

    Suz
     
  4. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    Carolanne, it is a good thing that difficult child is showing her true colors in treatment. They can help her learn to examine her own thought patterns and change them ~ but not until they know how she is looking at the world and what she believes about what she sees.

    I know how much this part hurts.

    I am sorry this is happening to you, and to your family.

    Barbara
     
  5. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    Carolanne,
    I agree with Barbara, It is only when they see the real person that they can begin to see what you are really dealing with.

    My difficult child is a charmer, knows exactly how to act the part in every situation to get himself out of the situation. I was even told by his therapist in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that he had no reason to be in Residential Treatment Center (RTC), he was perfectly fine.
    Consider it a blessing that she is being herself and others are taking note.

    You have done the only thing you can do,
    Let her know she is loved
     
  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    So, since she's an adult, you don't have to support her or answer to her in any way, right? I say, let her pull that one. Especially since she is pulling the usual on them. She can either pull her act together and deals appropriately with them, with you, or ends up out on the streets. Either way, I bet she ends up pulling her act together. And, after all, that is what you hope for...
     
  7. TYLERFAN

    TYLERFAN New Member

    This is such a weakness in the system. You go to find help for your over 16'ish kid and then the matter becomes private and the doctors won't tell you S**t. How ridiculous is this in these cases? I mean I could agree about not telling a person about someones medical condition, but a parent with a child with mental health issues???It makes no sense to me, and doesn't seem to be a productive way to deal with the problems "our" kids can come up with.
    OK, I will get off my soapbox now.....

    Blessings,
    Melissa :smile:
     
  8. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I don't have any words of wisdom. I just wanted to send you some heatfelt (((((hugs)))))
     
  9. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I too want to offer my sympathy for your pain. It hurts to be a parent who is out of the loop. perhaps take this time to consider that others are going to give it a go to help your child. hard to let go as we feel it is our responsibility and right.

    God give you peace and renewal as you wait for your child to recover. May your absence from her world reach her heart and make her lonely for you.
     
  10. carolanne

    carolanne Member

    Thank you all for the support. I spoke with her primary care again yesterday....he'd called to see if she had...apparently the phone is only for calling parents and she didn't call here /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif so hot water for her right now.

    I think the thing that is ticking me off so much is that she gets to say/do whatever she wants and we don't get to defend ourselves....some of the lies are enough to make you vomit, one almost got my husband thrown in jail!!!!!

    They don't know what we've put up with/tried to deal with and work out, through or get over....lying, stealing, disobeying, running away....the list goes on and on....

    She's on boyfriend number 5....the last four having been accused of raping her....

    ARGH!

    I want to pull my hair out, pull hers out, beat the crap out of someone/something until she sees what she is doing to this family!!!!

    The baby calls for her everyday, my other two girls are angry/scared/upset and missing her....my parents refuse to speak to me, blaming my husband and I 100% for all the problems(we admit we aren't perfect parents and have screwed up but keep on trying to get it right)....sometimes I wonder if they are feeding this behind my back....

    I go between being angry and hurt to missing her like crazy to hating her because of the lies we are still dealing with....

    it's not easy and I don't know when or if it ever will be...

    Carolanne /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/919Mad.gif
     
  11. judi

    judi Active Member

    I am so sorry! I've unfortunately been there done that too with my son. At the present time he only wants contact on HIS terms which are bizarre to say the least. However, these kids seem to learn fastest if they have hardships.
     
  12. SunnyFlorida

    SunnyFlorida Active Member

    Sounds to me like you just got a A+ for your detachment class! You gave an appropriate response to a situation that is unwinable.
     
  13. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Keep on detatching. It's really the only thing you can do right now.
     
  14. Irishkalleene

    Irishkalleene riding the roller coaster

    Ya know, life can just suck!!!!!!!! I'm sorry for all the heartbreak. Let them deal with her. At least she's not out on the street.

    What can you do now for yourself??? To take care of you? To strengthen you? Can you think of this as a break for you? She has a place to be.

    Hoping you all fine peace.
     
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