Update: Ranting About Chores

[DaisyFace]

OK...here's where we left off:

We tried the "negotiation method" figuring that maybe if she had more input, she would be more of a team player. She got assigned the dishes as her chore because she felt that yard work and taking out the trash were "boy chores" and she said that she wanted a "girl" chore. Fair enough.

Then she spent months playing these passive-aggressive games such as "losing" the sponges...emptying half the container of dish-soap onto the dishes so that we would be completely out of soap by the middle of every week....or running the sink full-blast until she was out of hot water and then couldn't wash dishes because there was no hot water left....or filling a sink with soapy water and then only "dipping" dishes into the water and putting them away {and then I'd find "clean" glasses in the cabinet with milk dribbles crusted down the insides or coffee cups with lipstick on the rim--FUN!!}.

We've gotten into the habit of washing everything before we use it....

So what can we do? How do you stop this passive-aggressive carp?

Now that her chore will be yard work, I suspect we will suddenly have a rash of broken or missing rakes--we'll be out of trash bags every-other-day--and we'll "forget" which night is garbage night....even if someone reminds us.

Good news/bad news--

Turns out that my son is GREAT at doing the dishes!! Dishes are clean, shiny, and safe to eat with (Yea!!!!) The kitchen looks wonderful...and I am SOOO happy to be done with the Wash-the-Dishes Battle every night.



on the other hand--now, you guessed it...the yard is going to H*** because difficult child is "too busy" to go out there and pick everything up. And just as we suspected--we caught her double-bagging the garbage.

Eh, what can ya do? At least now I can have a drink in a nice, clean glass...

--DaisyF

 

[TerryJ2]

Good thing you recapped because I don't remember reading that! (Although I have been very forgetful lately. )
Gosh, she really does a job of it, huh? (You sure my husband didn't sneak into your kitchen? --Nononono, just kidding, honey ... but he sometimes empties the dishwasher when it is dirty. )

My son does the dishes well, too. Actually, he does a lot of things well, if he would just slow down and pay attention. Sigh.
Your son sounds like a cutie.

Good luck with-the excavation work. Uh, I mean, grass-cutting ...

 

[Alttlgabby]

Put the trash bags somewhere that she has to come to YOU to get ONE. Check to see that it is full before you allow her to have another one. And if she breaks the rake, she rakes with a broken rake for awhile. Then give her a new one after a few days and tell her specifically that if she breaks that one, she will rake with a broken rake, or she will be picking all the leaves up by hand no matter how long it takes her. Sometimes you have to play their game and use some tough love on them.

 

[Shari]

I agree with Gabby.

It has to be done. If she ruins the tools to do it, she'd better be inventive to find ways to do it without the tools. If she lets it go for a while, maybe you can enlist the help of a friend, have them drop in for a visit some night and ask if anyone's sick cause they've noticed the yard looks terrible while she's in earshot.

That always bothered my difficult child 1 enough to do something about it.

 

[DaisyFace]

Put the trash bags somewhere that she has to come to YOU to get ONE. Check to see that it is full before you allow her to have another one. And if she breaks the rake, she rakes with a broken rake for awhile. Then give her a new one after a few days and tell her specifically that if she breaks that one, she will rake with a broken rake, or she will be picking all the leaves up by hand no matter how long it takes her. Sometimes you have to play their game and use some tough love on them.

See? Now I never thought of playing along...

I will have to do that from now on!

 

[Wiped Out]

Your difficult child sounds a lot like my easy child with chores! Argh!

 

[susiestar]

You might have some luck with the love and logic techniques. I recommend reading the book Love and Logic Parenting or L&L Parenting of Teens. You can learn more about them at www.loveandlogic.com . They specifically address ways to handle things like this.

I do agree that if she breaks the rake she should have to do with-o unless she buys one with-her own $$. If she doesn't do the chore, hire someone to do it and have HER pay them. Or pawn her stuff to get the $$ to pay. If she wants her stuff back then SHE can repay the pawn shop! This IS something that is in Love and Logic, and it works best if you don't give her advance warning. Just hire a neighbor kid or whomever to do the chore, and tell her that they will be expecting payment of $X and it is hers to pay. If she can't pay, then pawn her stuff (Mp3 player, movies, cd player, tv in bedroom, game system, whatever). And then give HER the pawn ticket.

 

[DaisyFace]

You might have some luck with the love and logic techniques. I recommend reading the book Love and Logic Parenting or L&L Parenting of Teens. You can learn more about them at www.loveandlogic.com . They specifically address ways to handle things like this.

I do agree that if she breaks the rake she should have to do with-o unless she buys one with-her own $$. If she doesn't do the chore, hire someone to do it and have HER pay them. Or pawn her stuff to get the $$ to pay. If she wants her stuff back then SHE can repay the pawn shop! This IS something that is in Love and Logic, and it works best if you don't give her advance warning. Just hire a neighbor kid or whomever to do the chore, and tell her that they will be expecting payment of and it is hers to pay. If she can't pay, then pawn her stuff (Mp3 player, movies, cd player, tv in bedroom, game system, whatever). And then give HER the pawn ticket.

Thanks, Susie!

These are some good ideas...

When you recommended those books in another thread, I looked into it--seems the local library can get a copy through another branch. Just waiting for it to come in--hope there's some good tips that I can use right away!

--DaisyF