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Update: Relinquished son in jail AGAIN, daughter doing better...
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<blockquote data-quote="change" data-source="post: 229661" data-attributes="member: 4808"><p>Yes, I feel blessed with strength. I get that from my mother and her mother and her grandmother. Actually, there is a long lineage of strong women in my family on both sides. Hopefully I can pass it ALL on to my daughter now. My mother has been wonderful coming over every morning before school and spending time with my daughter for an hour because I have to leave for work before her school begins. I believe it really helps her in the end. She's in the 8th grade and could be dropped off early like other kids but this is better. </p><p> </p><p>Her grades are a little better but I don't know if she'll be able to pull out from being really behind in math from Texas' mandated state testing. She's in Special Education. this year for math but still has to take the grade level tests. One positive, her PE coach invited her onto the track team. Maybe it will motivate her to get her grades up and keep them up. </p><p> </p><p><strong>MidwestMom</strong>, our son was 5 when we adopted him. He was already stealing and very aggressive. We didn't know anything about AD or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Someone mentioned AD but didn't explain it at all and just said "you need to love him extra hard to work through the attachment issues" but they didn't go into what it really was. We were only 27 and my husband was in graduate school and jittery about finalizing the adoption. He kept saying that something was terribly wrong with our son. The kids were a package deal and had been turned away by 3 families before us at only 3 and 4. I couldn't do it too. 2 only wanted our daughter. (Now I know why.) Anyway, I was dealing with a lot by myself in addition to my husband's doubts and didn't ask the right questions. After we finalized 8 months later, my husband was 100% committed and we just thought our son had severe ADHD. 2 years later a diagnostician told us he should have never been adopted out to a young couple like us and for us to put him into church activities and anything else like that because he had sociopathetic tendencies. We thought she was crazy (didn't want to listen) because he was only 7 and told our therapist we wanted a 2nd opinion. She said "ok" but by the time we got another test done, he'd acted out even more and we applied for Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He was 9. At 9 he began molesting. He also got eerily sneaky and would behave perfectly charming with other adults and convince them that he was innocent even though mysterious havoc happened wherever he was. Kids would complain about him everywhere yet he would charm them and be quite popular in the beginning. Same thing with our daughter. They were best of friends, but she would flinch sometimes when he walked by her. It was scary and very suspicious. All of you who know what Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is, we've been through pretty much all of that with him. We thought we were crazy. I had no idea there was a name for it until recently. It does relieve a little of my guilt but I still feel really bad for him (he's still a child and we do have some good memories) and especially for my daughter because she could have been spared a lot sooner had we known about this sooner. I'm angry at the system. I feel the adoption agency and post-adopt really pulled one over on us and tried to keep us in the dark about this. To this day, they refuse to acknowledge our relinquishment in our post-adopt paperwork, etc. They don't want to face it. </p><p> </p><p>I am doing better though. It's been a year of mourning and a lot of loss but also healing. Any little step forward my daughter can make makes me feel 1000 times better. I think she already passed her "rock bottom" mark for now so there's no place to go but "up"...I hope.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="change, post: 229661, member: 4808"] Yes, I feel blessed with strength. I get that from my mother and her mother and her grandmother. Actually, there is a long lineage of strong women in my family on both sides. Hopefully I can pass it ALL on to my daughter now. My mother has been wonderful coming over every morning before school and spending time with my daughter for an hour because I have to leave for work before her school begins. I believe it really helps her in the end. She's in the 8th grade and could be dropped off early like other kids but this is better. Her grades are a little better but I don't know if she'll be able to pull out from being really behind in math from Texas' mandated state testing. She's in Special Education. this year for math but still has to take the grade level tests. One positive, her PE coach invited her onto the track team. Maybe it will motivate her to get her grades up and keep them up. [B]MidwestMom[/B], our son was 5 when we adopted him. He was already stealing and very aggressive. We didn't know anything about AD or Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Someone mentioned AD but didn't explain it at all and just said "you need to love him extra hard to work through the attachment issues" but they didn't go into what it really was. We were only 27 and my husband was in graduate school and jittery about finalizing the adoption. He kept saying that something was terribly wrong with our son. The kids were a package deal and had been turned away by 3 families before us at only 3 and 4. I couldn't do it too. 2 only wanted our daughter. (Now I know why.) Anyway, I was dealing with a lot by myself in addition to my husband's doubts and didn't ask the right questions. After we finalized 8 months later, my husband was 100% committed and we just thought our son had severe ADHD. 2 years later a diagnostician told us he should have never been adopted out to a young couple like us and for us to put him into church activities and anything else like that because he had sociopathetic tendencies. We thought she was crazy (didn't want to listen) because he was only 7 and told our therapist we wanted a 2nd opinion. She said "ok" but by the time we got another test done, he'd acted out even more and we applied for Residential Treatment Center (RTC). He was 9. At 9 he began molesting. He also got eerily sneaky and would behave perfectly charming with other adults and convince them that he was innocent even though mysterious havoc happened wherever he was. Kids would complain about him everywhere yet he would charm them and be quite popular in the beginning. Same thing with our daughter. They were best of friends, but she would flinch sometimes when he walked by her. It was scary and very suspicious. All of you who know what Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is, we've been through pretty much all of that with him. We thought we were crazy. I had no idea there was a name for it until recently. It does relieve a little of my guilt but I still feel really bad for him (he's still a child and we do have some good memories) and especially for my daughter because she could have been spared a lot sooner had we known about this sooner. I'm angry at the system. I feel the adoption agency and post-adopt really pulled one over on us and tried to keep us in the dark about this. To this day, they refuse to acknowledge our relinquishment in our post-adopt paperwork, etc. They don't want to face it. I am doing better though. It's been a year of mourning and a lot of loss but also healing. Any little step forward my daughter can make makes me feel 1000 times better. I think she already passed her "rock bottom" mark for now so there's no place to go but "up"...I hope. [/QUOTE]
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Update: Relinquished son in jail AGAIN, daughter doing better...
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