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Update: Relinquished son in jail AGAIN, daughter doing better...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 229677" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Change, our agency told us this was a "well-adjusted child"--even his psychiatrist thought so. He fooled everyone. We specifically asked for a child who didn't have sexual abuse issues. We have since found out that 90&#37; of the kids in foster care, if not more, are sexually abused and that boys tend to act out on others while girls tend to accuse others of molesting them or hurt themselves (cutting etc.). I would never adopt an older child again. I could not deal with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) a second time. When my youngest is out of the house, we'd like to be foster parents to babies, but we're too old to adopt now and wouldn't be interested. I feel your pain--that very pain is what brought me to the board. My son was so out-of-line that I didn't know if anyone would even believe me about him. He was only 11 years old and molesting kids and killing animals and starting little housefires...(sigh). We found out about most of this AFTER he was gone as my two littler children were terrified of him. He told them if they said a word about what he did he would burn the house down and kill himself and all of us. They believed him. So do I. The System is horrible. They need to get a better handle on these kids to give US a clearer picture of what we face. They need to educate every single parent who adopts a child about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It should be mandatory before adoption. This is especially true when the child is not adopted at birth and has been in an orphanage or foster home (or several). My friend had a child who came to her at six months who had already been in six homes. She was terribly disturbed and was finally relinquished back to the system (they had never formally adopted her) when she tried to choke her foster sister. Her foster sister had marks around her neck that looked like rope marks for a long time and was terrified of the other girl. I hate to say some kids can't be saved, but it does seem that way! Some kids are too damaged to live in a family. And it's sooooooooooo sad. You sooooooooooo have my prayers and good wishes. Keep us updated on daughter. And know that you tried to give this boy a life, but he just wasn't able to accept being loved.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 229677, member: 1550"] Change, our agency told us this was a "well-adjusted child"--even his psychiatrist thought so. He fooled everyone. We specifically asked for a child who didn't have sexual abuse issues. We have since found out that 90% of the kids in foster care, if not more, are sexually abused and that boys tend to act out on others while girls tend to accuse others of molesting them or hurt themselves (cutting etc.). I would never adopt an older child again. I could not deal with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) a second time. When my youngest is out of the house, we'd like to be foster parents to babies, but we're too old to adopt now and wouldn't be interested. I feel your pain--that very pain is what brought me to the board. My son was so out-of-line that I didn't know if anyone would even believe me about him. He was only 11 years old and molesting kids and killing animals and starting little housefires...(sigh). We found out about most of this AFTER he was gone as my two littler children were terrified of him. He told them if they said a word about what he did he would burn the house down and kill himself and all of us. They believed him. So do I. The System is horrible. They need to get a better handle on these kids to give US a clearer picture of what we face. They need to educate every single parent who adopts a child about Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). It should be mandatory before adoption. This is especially true when the child is not adopted at birth and has been in an orphanage or foster home (or several). My friend had a child who came to her at six months who had already been in six homes. She was terribly disturbed and was finally relinquished back to the system (they had never formally adopted her) when she tried to choke her foster sister. Her foster sister had marks around her neck that looked like rope marks for a long time and was terrified of the other girl. I hate to say some kids can't be saved, but it does seem that way! Some kids are too damaged to live in a family. And it's sooooooooooo sad. You sooooooooooo have my prayers and good wishes. Keep us updated on daughter. And know that you tried to give this boy a life, but he just wasn't able to accept being loved. [/QUOTE]
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Update: Relinquished son in jail AGAIN, daughter doing better...
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