Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Update: seeing my estranged parents after 5+ years
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 380025" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I think that your feelings are quite normal for the reality of what your relationship with your parents is. </p><p></p><p>I have these thoughts about my parents as well. They are now 82 years old and I have not voluntarily seen them in a decade. in my humble opinion, regardless of what you do, you will have regrets about your relationship with your parents when they pass. We all have regrets about the things we could have or should have done when that day of reckoning comes. I think it might be more helpful to think of it in terms of "Will I regret having given up my peace of mind to conform to someone else's idea of what the relationship should have been after they die?" For all I know my parents could live another 15 years. There's no way I would put myself in that position for 15 more years. Would I say goodbye at the last moment? I honestly don't know. But there's a difference between saying a last goodbye and living a misery.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You could do that without being an active part of her life up to that moment. You could do that without having to have contact with her even at that point. If she ends up in a nursing home and things are going poorly I'm certain that someone in your family will be judgmental enough to let you know that they think it's your fault, and that will give you the opportunity to try to fix it, or not. Don't put the cart before the horse.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Your older children do know them and can certainly have contact with them if they want. No one is stopping them. Your younger children don't know them from Adam. At some point they may ask, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. in my humble opinion, you're their mother and you know which people are good for your children to know. These are your decisions to make, and if you feel that your parents would undermine your relationship with your children, you are the one who has the right to say that they stay away. You wouldn't invite a toxic person into their lives if they weren't related to you. You shouldn't feel obligated to do so because of genetics.</p><p></p><p>{{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}} and congrats to Little easy child!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 380025, member: 99"] I think that your feelings are quite normal for the reality of what your relationship with your parents is. I have these thoughts about my parents as well. They are now 82 years old and I have not voluntarily seen them in a decade. in my humble opinion, regardless of what you do, you will have regrets about your relationship with your parents when they pass. We all have regrets about the things we could have or should have done when that day of reckoning comes. I think it might be more helpful to think of it in terms of "Will I regret having given up my peace of mind to conform to someone else's idea of what the relationship should have been after they die?" For all I know my parents could live another 15 years. There's no way I would put myself in that position for 15 more years. Would I say goodbye at the last moment? I honestly don't know. But there's a difference between saying a last goodbye and living a misery. You could do that without being an active part of her life up to that moment. You could do that without having to have contact with her even at that point. If she ends up in a nursing home and things are going poorly I'm certain that someone in your family will be judgmental enough to let you know that they think it's your fault, and that will give you the opportunity to try to fix it, or not. Don't put the cart before the horse. Your older children do know them and can certainly have contact with them if they want. No one is stopping them. Your younger children don't know them from Adam. At some point they may ask, and you can cross that bridge when you come to it. in my humble opinion, you're their mother and you know which people are good for your children to know. These are your decisions to make, and if you feel that your parents would undermine your relationship with your children, you are the one who has the right to say that they stay away. You wouldn't invite a toxic person into their lives if they weren't related to you. You shouldn't feel obligated to do so because of genetics. {{{{{{{{Big hugs}}}}}}}} and congrats to Little easy child! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Update: seeing my estranged parents after 5+ years
Top