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Update: seeing my estranged parents after 5+ years
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<blockquote data-quote="gcvmom" data-source="post: 380026" data-attributes="member: 3444"><p>I can't tell you what to do, Trinity. I know I had similar feelings of detachment when my dad was ill in the hospital during what turned out to be his last week alive. I felt strangely detached when I was in the same room with him. But once I left the room, and certainly once he was finally gone, all those conflicting emotions came flooding back. Maybe being in his presence sent me into "safety" mode -- I've been trying to protect myself from his influence since I was a kid and only finally "perfected" the force field around myself after years of practice. It's hard and it's conflicting. You don't want to be hurt, but you are left longing for some kind of relationship that satisfies the emotional need we all have to connect. I realize that even had my dad survived and lived another 20 years, I never would have achieved the level of connection with him that I needed. He just wasn't capable of that kind of change. His own baggage was too heavy, his own scars too deep. By now, he'd petrified himself over a lifetime of fear, anger and denial.</p><p> </p><p>You'll have to decide if reaching out on your part is worth the effort -- both for yourself and your kids. Whatever you decide, it will be right and no one has the authority to question it.</p><p> </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="gcvmom, post: 380026, member: 3444"] I can't tell you what to do, Trinity. I know I had similar feelings of detachment when my dad was ill in the hospital during what turned out to be his last week alive. I felt strangely detached when I was in the same room with him. But once I left the room, and certainly once he was finally gone, all those conflicting emotions came flooding back. Maybe being in his presence sent me into "safety" mode -- I've been trying to protect myself from his influence since I was a kid and only finally "perfected" the force field around myself after years of practice. It's hard and it's conflicting. You don't want to be hurt, but you are left longing for some kind of relationship that satisfies the emotional need we all have to connect. I realize that even had my dad survived and lived another 20 years, I never would have achieved the level of connection with him that I needed. He just wasn't capable of that kind of change. His own baggage was too heavy, his own scars too deep. By now, he'd petrified himself over a lifetime of fear, anger and denial. You'll have to decide if reaching out on your part is worth the effort -- both for yourself and your kids. Whatever you decide, it will be right and no one has the authority to question it. (((Hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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Update: seeing my estranged parents after 5+ years
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