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Update: seeing my estranged parents after 5+ years
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 380157" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Trinity, why does it have to be all or nothing. You can contact your mom and see how it goes. If she is destructive and difficult you can pull back. </p><p>My way of thinking is that we have the life our parents forge and then we have a life that we forge. If our parents thinking threatens the stability of the life I forged then </p><p>they have to be more distant. I won't let anything they do or say interfere with my relationship with husband or my kids. Nothing comes before that. </p><p>On the other hand, I'm not someone who can turn my back on family in need- but it is mostly on my terms. I expect absolutely nothing from my parents. They didn't give us that sort of support and nurturing when we were kids and they don't seem to have the ability to see what is hurting us. Don't expect anything now. Be polite, expect them to be polite and anything else that comes from the relationship is gravy. in my humble opinion. If things go into a negative spiral, walk away. </p><p>Fortunately, I am so removed emotionally that for the most part my hurt is minimal. I'm doing the right thing for me, for my kids and for my family to the best of my ability. I'm hoping that good stuff will continue to flow back to me in other ways. </p><p></p><p>I think you are wise to just stop and ponder what and how this works for you. Your priority is your husband, your kids, your life. I just always wondered if I never got to say good bye, would I break something in me that was unrepairable. I would walk away in a heartbeat if it threatened the stability of my family.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 380157, member: 3"] Trinity, why does it have to be all or nothing. You can contact your mom and see how it goes. If she is destructive and difficult you can pull back. My way of thinking is that we have the life our parents forge and then we have a life that we forge. If our parents thinking threatens the stability of the life I forged then they have to be more distant. I won't let anything they do or say interfere with my relationship with husband or my kids. Nothing comes before that. On the other hand, I'm not someone who can turn my back on family in need- but it is mostly on my terms. I expect absolutely nothing from my parents. They didn't give us that sort of support and nurturing when we were kids and they don't seem to have the ability to see what is hurting us. Don't expect anything now. Be polite, expect them to be polite and anything else that comes from the relationship is gravy. in my humble opinion. If things go into a negative spiral, walk away. Fortunately, I am so removed emotionally that for the most part my hurt is minimal. I'm doing the right thing for me, for my kids and for my family to the best of my ability. I'm hoping that good stuff will continue to flow back to me in other ways. I think you are wise to just stop and ponder what and how this works for you. Your priority is your husband, your kids, your life. I just always wondered if I never got to say good bye, would I break something in me that was unrepairable. I would walk away in a heartbeat if it threatened the stability of my family. [/QUOTE]
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Update: seeing my estranged parents after 5+ years
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