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Update -- We Came, We Saw, We'll See What He Does....
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 634670" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Headlights, you have so much recovery and healthy behavior under your belt already! It is clear in your posts. I am so glad from you and you are helping me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. This is something I have learned, and am getting back to. My mantra for the immediate future is to protect my sanctuary/my home and keep it difficult child-free. If we see each other, we will meet in a public place for a short time. Lunch or a coke. No gifts except feeding him. That way, if it's not going well, you can leave quickly. Best for my mental health. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am very encouraged by this. My SO always says: You will know when he is ready to change. His voice, his eye contact, his words, everything will be different. It sounds like maybe, just maybe, your difficult child is getting to this point. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is a bitter irony that meth results in black rotten teeth, and it's right there, front and center, for all to see, but especially the person using the meth. There is no denying it. Lies won't work with that one. I can imagine how that must hurt you to see, but maybe it is the visual reminder that he has to have to push him those last steps to a desire for recovery, for change. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>Sigh. I know. It's SO HARD to sit with them and have any kind of conversation because our minds are like racing rats...cataloguing and testing every single thing they say for verification. It's exhausting. It's awful. </p><p></p><p>One of the things I am working to do is not engage at all, keep my sunglasses on, turn the radio up, be a blank kind of nice, so that there's little engagement (by me) and I can maintain my emotional distance even in his presence. It's incredible the acting jobs we have to do---and I am a TERRIBLE ACTOR. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am so glad you got to see him. The heart wants what the heart wants, and that is our sons and daughters, to lay our eyes on them from time to time, and just to look at their faces, to see that there are still here, still alive, still there is a chance. </p><p></p><p>My hardened heart is softening just writing this. Don't worry, not to change my behavior, but to change my heart. I don't want to live with a hardened heart toward anyone. I just don't---it's not good for me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It is so impossible to understand the answer to this question. I can get that the drugs feel good. I can see that. You're zoned out for a while, life feels great, no problems, flying high. I see the lure. </p><p></p><p>But the cost of it all is so high. I guess the lure outweighs the cost. And my son says that living on the street just isn't that bad. </p><p></p><p>?????</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That is the day you are waiting for. The day his teeth suddenly are intolerable to him, and he "wakes up" and looks around, like it's the first time in a long, long time, and he thinks: I just don't want to do this anymore. </p><p></p><p>That is what must happen. We all pray so hard for that day to come for them. I hope so much for you that this is happening inside him. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Isn't it amazing how much we value honesty now? I can barely tolerate any type of dishonesty anymore, including superficiality, posturing, putting on airs, self-importance, spinning, deflection, avoidance...you name it, it's all lies. It is repugnant to me. </p><p></p><p>Some of the things I used to do, some of the people I used to be friends with---before all of this---I can't do it anymore. It's too fake. </p><p></p><p>I hate lies. I detest them. I would rather be hit in the face with the raw, awful, ugly truth than hear one more lie. </p><p></p><p>I'm reminded that difficult child is still lying by easy child saying, when he sold his TV the other night, that "oh, I got this two years ago." He did not. He got the TV from his dad when he graduated from high school in 2008. easy child said he didn't say a word, and the pawn shop guy didn't even look up the TV, just gave difficult child $300. The lies just keep on coming. </p><p></p><p>Headlights, I am glad you are here. Keep telling us your story. It is helping me. Warm hugs to you today and to your husband and I am praying fervently that your son is ready to change.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 634670, member: 17542"] Headlights, you have so much recovery and healthy behavior under your belt already! It is clear in your posts. I am so glad from you and you are helping me. Yes. This is something I have learned, and am getting back to. My mantra for the immediate future is to protect my sanctuary/my home and keep it difficult child-free. If we see each other, we will meet in a public place for a short time. Lunch or a coke. No gifts except feeding him. That way, if it's not going well, you can leave quickly. Best for my mental health. I am very encouraged by this. My SO always says: You will know when he is ready to change. His voice, his eye contact, his words, everything will be different. It sounds like maybe, just maybe, your difficult child is getting to this point. It is a bitter irony that meth results in black rotten teeth, and it's right there, front and center, for all to see, but especially the person using the meth. There is no denying it. Lies won't work with that one. I can imagine how that must hurt you to see, but maybe it is the visual reminder that he has to have to push him those last steps to a desire for recovery, for change. Sigh. I know. It's SO HARD to sit with them and have any kind of conversation because our minds are like racing rats...cataloguing and testing every single thing they say for verification. It's exhausting. It's awful. One of the things I am working to do is not engage at all, keep my sunglasses on, turn the radio up, be a blank kind of nice, so that there's little engagement (by me) and I can maintain my emotional distance even in his presence. It's incredible the acting jobs we have to do---and I am a TERRIBLE ACTOR. I am so glad you got to see him. The heart wants what the heart wants, and that is our sons and daughters, to lay our eyes on them from time to time, and just to look at their faces, to see that there are still here, still alive, still there is a chance. My hardened heart is softening just writing this. Don't worry, not to change my behavior, but to change my heart. I don't want to live with a hardened heart toward anyone. I just don't---it's not good for me. It is so impossible to understand the answer to this question. I can get that the drugs feel good. I can see that. You're zoned out for a while, life feels great, no problems, flying high. I see the lure. But the cost of it all is so high. I guess the lure outweighs the cost. And my son says that living on the street just isn't that bad. ????? That is the day you are waiting for. The day his teeth suddenly are intolerable to him, and he "wakes up" and looks around, like it's the first time in a long, long time, and he thinks: I just don't want to do this anymore. That is what must happen. We all pray so hard for that day to come for them. I hope so much for you that this is happening inside him. Isn't it amazing how much we value honesty now? I can barely tolerate any type of dishonesty anymore, including superficiality, posturing, putting on airs, self-importance, spinning, deflection, avoidance...you name it, it's all lies. It is repugnant to me. Some of the things I used to do, some of the people I used to be friends with---before all of this---I can't do it anymore. It's too fake. I hate lies. I detest them. I would rather be hit in the face with the raw, awful, ugly truth than hear one more lie. I'm reminded that difficult child is still lying by easy child saying, when he sold his TV the other night, that "oh, I got this two years ago." He did not. He got the TV from his dad when he graduated from high school in 2008. easy child said he didn't say a word, and the pawn shop guy didn't even look up the TV, just gave difficult child $300. The lies just keep on coming. Headlights, I am glad you are here. Keep telling us your story. It is helping me. Warm hugs to you today and to your husband and I am praying fervently that your son is ready to change. [/QUOTE]
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Update -- We Came, We Saw, We'll See What He Does....
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