Update

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by everywoman, Apr 3, 2007.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    husband went to bond hearing this morning. difficult child was expecting us to post. I guess he was mistaken. He told husband he had spent the night naked in a padded room---he's the one who told husband he was going to kill himself---what did he expect. He said the food is awful. Not my problem. He will be there until general session court---He is facing forgery and unlawful use of a vehicle. Bond is $8000. We will not post. husband spoke to the judge privately. He informed her that he is bi-polar and unmedicated. He also expressed concern about siezures from withdrawals after his two week binge on cocaine and extacy. I told husband that we would not front for an attorney--that he would have to use a public defender. It hurts to leave him there, but it would hurt more to watch him continue to spiral downward. Honestly, I don't know what more I can do. The bondsman called and husband told him that we would not front bond. If the bondsman gets him out, it is on him. husband was crying this morning. I know he is in such pain, but right now I can't think about it. I'll fall apart on Friday, when I don't have to function for my students.
     
  2. livinginazoo

    livinginazoo New Member

    I send you hugs, I'm sorry that you are dealing with all of this. Substance abuse is never fun for the family of the abuser, even worse when they are in trouble with the law and expect to be bailed out. Maybe the judge will put him somewhere where he can get help for both his substance abuse program and his BiPolar (BP). I wish you the best.
     
  3. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>I'm so sorry katmom. I didn't know things were going downhill. I must have missed a thread. Many gentle hugs to you. I know both of your hearts are breaking for difficult child. We have hope and it gets dashed. </span>
     
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Katmom, thank you for the update. You probably don't feel like it, but from my place in cyberspace, <span style="color: #FF6666">you are incredibly strong</span>! <span style="color: #3366FF">I am so proud of you</span>. You are doing the right thing. difficult child must be in pain to know that this is where his actions have gotten him. I hope this does the trick in re: to getting him off street drugs.
    Big, big hugs. :angel:
     
  5. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'>katmom, I just read the original thread about difficult child and his sticky fingers. Hugs.
    The ugliness of taking something that isn't yours coupled with his public display of addiction and what he will do to feed his first love just rub salt into the ugly wound.
    Somedays it seems this will be our lives forever and I want to pull the blankets up over my head and hide.
    I hope this pressure and tension eases up for you and your family. </span>
     
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Katmon, I pray that the judge cares more about getting help for your son than he does about puishing him. I think it was wise of your husband to talk to him. Since the judge let him do that it does sound like he wants to help. We were lucky in that our judge really wanted to help straighten out kids.

    I know this is so painful. My gut was wrenched when my difficult child spend 3 nights in detention. It was an eye opener for her and I pray the same will be true for your son.

    In the meantime you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Nancy
     
  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure what is the "most" heartbreaking aspect of traveling
    this awful road with our addict children. Personally, I think
    the few times that my husband has cried qualifies as "the worst" for
    me. You know you have my sympathy and support. DDD
     
  8. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I hope he realizes this awful path is not the one to take finally... I have had to watch most of my family do the same things... I can only wish hope and dream that this doesn't happen to my kids. It just seems that no matter how hard we try, some of our children will become addicts... I am so very sorry you are having to watch your child do this to himself. I suppose detach is the only word right now...
    {{{HUGS}}}
     
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    We left our son in the hands of the P.D. once he was an adult.
    My husband still regrets that decision because with a PD you, as
    parents, have no input. My husband completely believes (and I agree
    in part) that IF we had borne the expense of private representation our son would not be a convicted felon. Where we
    live being a felon (for any crime including the passive crime of
    having a bottle of pills in your unoccupied car that were not your own) means you can not vote, you can easily be put on probation for 5 to 7 years with a long list of rules that allow violation of probation charges to be filed (for example..if a policeman sees
    you shooting the breeze with someone who is also a felon even if
    unknown to you) you can be taken to jail. You can not bond out
    when you are a felon. You stay for 4 to 6 weeks before you appear. You must identify yourself as a felon when applying for
    any job AND your probation officer will come visit you on the job and meet with your employer. If you go to school, the school
    has to be informed that a felon is on campus. You can not ever
    get a job that requires a State or Federal license. Etc. Etc.
    Where we live you also lose your drivers license for a few years.

    So...I'm not suggesting that you do or do not hire an attorney.
    What I want to do is share what we did not know until after the
    fact. Around here there is little difference in punishment for
    a felon who is an abuser and a felon who has no history of violence. Many may say "they deserve it". Maybe they do, but neither husband nor I can see how one can turn your life around and
    get back on track when you are in jeopardy daily. DDD
     
  10. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    ant has always had a public defender. they are sworn to do a good job. it seems even when I paid a private lawyer for ant...the outcome was just as bad.
    kat, this will take time. your son needs to see the inside of the cell. that is what they do to people who say they will kill themselves, they put them like that to watch them.

    your son may kill himself with his drug abuse. so now, he has been stopped. he has to be sober and sane for now. no choice. he will learn some lessons while in jail.

    the food is terrible, the beds are uncomfortable, it is always noisy. it is jail. if it was too comfy people would not hate it.

    his actions are sad because they affect you guys too. I sobbed so many times over ant's situation in jail for over two yrs. prior to that he was in and out a lot in three diff jails.

    your son will mostly be bored. he may be sad and scared. he will call you collect and cry and beg. I had to remind myself that our kids have to see this consequence or they will never fear drugs.

    you will be able to visit your son. you will not be able to send him anything. write to him. tell him you love him and that when he makes the right choices, you will be there for him with all the support in the world. tell him you cannot go down this road with him. let him feel it. he must emblazon this on his mind.

    I pray he gets help, but I would not count on it. a lot of the men in jail have mental health issues and a majority have drug and alcohol issues. he will be held til a hearing. most likely a deal will be drawn up by the PD. charges are all most always reduced to misdemeanors when it is a first offense. even ant has no felonies even though he participated in cashing stolen forged checks, terrorized and harrassed people, stole things, bought alcohol for underage kids, and did a bunch of other stuff.

    hang in there. Aw gee I wish I could hug away the hurt this causes. it is so horrid to know your child is sinking to the bottom. esp with a holiday ahead.

    rest up and take some solace in the fact you know where he is and he is alive and being watched 24/7
     
  11. MeadowLark

    MeadowLark New Member

    {{{{Katmom}}}}}
    I'm sorry things are so cruddy right now. I hope that help comes for your son and relief for you and hubby too.
    Thankyou for being strong for me when you've got so much going on.
    Huggles
    MeadowLark
     
  12. oceans

    oceans New Member

    I am hoping for an outcome that will be in your son's best interests. Sending you good thoughts and wishes!
     
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