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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 615226" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Cedar my friend, that is what all the therapists called the FOG. I had all of those same feelings too, seeing who my daughter was and recognizing that SHE was making all of those choices took me awhile. </p><p></p><p>This is NOT YOUR FAULT.</p><p></p><p>Yes, sitting with the feelings is a good plan.</p><p></p><p>I saw your post on another thread that you're a slow learner, well Cedar, when it comes to our kids, perhaps it could be said that we are all slow learners. Facing the truth and giving up our illusions of how we not only want it to be............... but facing reality can be so ugly that we just can't wrap our minds around it.</p><p></p><p>In my parent group the therapist always told us, "you get there when you get there, there is no right or wrong, there is no game plan to follow that moves you into detachment easily." We have to go through the steps to pull ourselves out of the illusion, the FOG, so that we can see clearly things we DO NOT want to see. We parents can have a very strong investment in not seeing the truth because it involves not only who our kids are, but who we believe ourselves as parents to be too. It's a lot of "illusionectomies!"</p><p></p><p>Rather then judge yourself, really feel compassion and kindness towards yourself and husband, you guys have been through a long war and I'm sure you are weary and wounded.............but as you posted yesterday, you are also feeling cleaner, stronger and steadier...........and that will continue and each day............ you <u>will </u>feel better. </p><p></p><p>How is husband faring now? You mentioned he was smiling about the cannoli............is he feeling stronger and steadier too?</p><p></p><p>Has your daughter signed the temp. guardianship papers yet? Has she upped the ante more? </p><p></p><p>As always, I am thinking of you and sending you all kinds of good vibes............</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 615226, member: 13542"] Cedar my friend, that is what all the therapists called the FOG. I had all of those same feelings too, seeing who my daughter was and recognizing that SHE was making all of those choices took me awhile. This is NOT YOUR FAULT. Yes, sitting with the feelings is a good plan. I saw your post on another thread that you're a slow learner, well Cedar, when it comes to our kids, perhaps it could be said that we are all slow learners. Facing the truth and giving up our illusions of how we not only want it to be............... but facing reality can be so ugly that we just can't wrap our minds around it. In my parent group the therapist always told us, "you get there when you get there, there is no right or wrong, there is no game plan to follow that moves you into detachment easily." We have to go through the steps to pull ourselves out of the illusion, the FOG, so that we can see clearly things we DO NOT want to see. We parents can have a very strong investment in not seeing the truth because it involves not only who our kids are, but who we believe ourselves as parents to be too. It's a lot of "illusionectomies!" Rather then judge yourself, really feel compassion and kindness towards yourself and husband, you guys have been through a long war and I'm sure you are weary and wounded.............but as you posted yesterday, you are also feeling cleaner, stronger and steadier...........and that will continue and each day............ you [U]will [/U]feel better. How is husband faring now? You mentioned he was smiling about the cannoli............is he feeling stronger and steadier too? Has your daughter signed the temp. guardianship papers yet? Has she upped the ante more? As always, I am thinking of you and sending you all kinds of good vibes............ [/QUOTE]
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