Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pasajes4, Mar 31, 2014.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My son has left Bexar County and is at an intake/orientation facility in west Texas. I was able to talk to him briefly when he got there. He sounded scared. I don't know when I will get to talk to him again. I don't know when I will get to visit.

    I am trying to keep my own fears in check and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It is so hard to do. It really does not matter what our difficult child's do with their lives we are still going to love them and want the best for them.
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  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    You are so right, Pas. Hang in there. I'm glad you talked to him, that is great. Of course he is scared, this is a whole new experience and a whole new day.

    And it's got every possible potential to be so good for him and a brand new start. Stay with the positive thoughts, if you can.

    If you need to just break down and cry, do that, it's restorative.

    Then, just for today, Pas, do one nice thing for yourself---a bunch of flowers, a bubble bath, a nap, a walk in the sunshine.

    Your son is at another crossroads, and this can be a really good turning point. I am praying for you and for him. Keep us posted, especially on YOU. You are the main one I am concerned about.
  3. nlj

    nlj Well-Known Member

    Hi Pasajes. Sending positive thoughts to you. It must be hard to hear your son sounding scared, that can make it seem like he is a little boy again. Of course you love him and want the best for him. I'm sure that deep down he feels that for you too. Hopefully this will be another step on his road. In the meantime the best that you can do for him is to look after yourself so that you can be a strong presence in the 'outside world' for him. Make sure that you spoil yourself, COM has some nice ideas for doing that. Then when you get to visit him and speak to him on the phone you can genuinely tell him that you are 'ok' when he asks. Then he can concentrate on dealing with his situation and sorting himself out. It's so hard for a mother to feel helpless about her son's situation. Maybe he will realise that he does have a problem that he needs to address when he is released and then you can support him in whatever way is appropriate. Look after yourself. We are all here with you.
  4. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Hi Pasajes, just wanted you to know I was following along. Maybe that scared feeling you hear in your son's voice will turn out to be the catalyst for making some positive changes. I hope you will be able to find a peaceful place in your mind and do something nice for yourself today.
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    I am doing better. I am praying that he will come out of this a stronger, healthier, purpose driven young man.
  6. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    That is a good way to think and pray, and very reasonable, too! It is just as likely to go that way, than any other. We must keep good thoughts. When we pray, we should trust. I am working on that, but believe it is imperative/crucial/expected.
  7. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I am here with you too, pasajes.

    I liked the post about being strong and healthy for him. This is a true thing. Our being frightened does nothing to help the kids. It is so hard to put that into perspective, though. Recovering describes that feeling, that stopped feeling, as FOG. When it happens to me, I can climb out a little easier with a name for the feeling. Naming it seems to put an edge on it, a boundary beyond which that feeling isn't overwhelming, anymore.

    Somehow, thinking about it like that makes it possible for me to sit with that shaken, stopped feeling until I am back on solid ground.

    It helps me sometimes to find a card to send. Reading all the cards, laughing or crying or whatever emotion the sentiment called before choosing the one I will send is so healing for me. When I do send the card, it means all those feelings and more. (And sometimes, I don't send it, right away. I savor it, first.) It helps me remember how much I love that person the card is for, sort of helps me remember what they mean to me. And what I mean, to them. Somewhere along in there, I understand that what really matters IS that I love them.


    Know what I would like to hear? What you did in the taking care of yourself realm. I have a plan for myself. I like to think and think about it. Know what I am going to do? Right after Easter, when the peanut M&Ms go on clearance, I am going to buy a bag and eat it all.

    Preferably while watching Beverly Hills Housewives.


  8. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Scent of Cedar, I do the cards and I pray a lot. I hang out with my daughter and my grands. I meet with my personal group of other mothers and we laugh, cry, eat, and sometimes we dance the hustle in Mac Donald's and before long other people join us and we connect for a brief moment.

    I know that it is his journey not mine, and he knows that I love him.
  9. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    That is a true thing, isn't it pasajes. We parents are often so isolated in our pain. I love it that you have a group of women to surround and care for you. That is so good. husband and I joined a line of people dancing at a beach bar once. We had the best time! And you are right. There was a kind of connection there between all of us. Strangers who were never going to see one another again, we did connect.

    And I have never forgotten it.


    I am going to put that in my quote book.

    That is the most important thing, right? That the kids know we love them.

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  10. tryagain

    tryagain Active Member

    Such a scary place you are in...hang in there...sending my best wishes that things will start to look up for you and for him. Hugs to you this day.
  11. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    I keep you and son in thoughts and prayers.

    I remember when my son's were in prison and I prayed so hard...just the most intense prayers...even for my difficult child's to find good influences...as best they could be...even in prison.

    I know the pain you will go through along the way but I am also so pleased to hear that you are surrounded by joy at times too. It is too much too...too overwhelming at times. A good support system is a must.

    Keep being good to yourself.