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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 749310" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">Dear New Leaf. I think this is it. What respite really do the kids have? It's like being intensely in love with somebody, who will soon leave because he has a wife in another city. While it's not you who is betraying them, their parents and the system are. I think it is unconscionable leaving these kids in this limbo. </span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)"></span></p> <p style="text-align: left"><span style="color: rgb(20, 20, 20)">My son was foster adopt. His parents still had parental rights. When I expressed interest to adopt him, the system moved quickly to legally terminate parental rights. I don't necessarily think it was for the welfare of my child. I think it was because the system had been complicit in his neglect. Which I think is the situation here. I think the children need their own attorney. When children are in "the system" they are by law entitled to an attorney paid for by public funds. I doubt that this is only in California. It must be the case there as well. This attorney would advocate for the children's rights. Not the parents. Not yours. Not grandparents. </span></p><p>This is what I think. I think the expectation here needs to be of yourself. I think it would be real easy to believe you can rescue these kids. The situation is pulling for that. I would want to rescue them. But you hit the nail on the head. Their situation is ongoing and intractable as long as the parents remain "out there" and the system does nothing to take that on and give these kids a stable and loving permanent home. The kids are not stupid. They know they are in limbo. Like you say, they are just acting out the truth of their lives.</p><p></p><p>This is the 64000 dollar question. But this question is not only rhetorical. The system needs to be challenged to do their job. Or your daughter and the father need to be pressured to surrender parental rights, voluntarily. Now that there is this perceived tug of war between paternal and maternal grandparents, arriving at a compromise may be more difficult, but who knows? Maybe it will help.</p><p></p><p>There have to be a non-profit that advocates for kids caught up in the system, that will take this on. Over and above an attorney to represent the kids. And if there are funds, it would not hurt for you to consult with a family attorney, to advocate for your position.</p><p></p><p>The thing I am struggling to get across to you New Leaf is to validate what you're feeling, that you have taken on a huge responsibility...not because the kids have issues and problems...but because they are being sacrificed...and they know this is still the case. Somebody at the Democratic debate said the truth, I think it was DeBlasio *who I am not enamored of, but I liked what he said: He said of racial resentment towards immigrants, <em>it's not them who hurt you, it's corporations. </em>This is the kids, too. Substitute adults for corporations.</p><p></p><p>This is why these kids need therapy ASAP. They need individual therapy and they may benefit from family therapy. They need to come to the understanding that they are taking out their anger at each other and themselves, anger rightfully placed at the feet of adults in their midst (and I would add, the system that enables them.)</p><p></p><p>I want you to let yourself off the hook. I fear that you expect of yourself that you make it all better. You can't. Nobody can. It's one day at a time. Like you say. No more than that.</p><p></p><p>But somebody needs to help the kids understand that none of this is their fault. I feel bad.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 749310, member: 18958"] [LEFT][COLOR=rgb(20, 20, 20)]Dear New Leaf. I think this is it. What respite really do the kids have? It's like being intensely in love with somebody, who will soon leave because he has a wife in another city. While it's not you who is betraying them, their parents and the system are. I think it is unconscionable leaving these kids in this limbo. My son was foster adopt. His parents still had parental rights. When I expressed interest to adopt him, the system moved quickly to legally terminate parental rights. I don't necessarily think it was for the welfare of my child. I think it was because the system had been complicit in his neglect. Which I think is the situation here. I think the children need their own attorney. When children are in "the system" they are by law entitled to an attorney paid for by public funds. I doubt that this is only in California. It must be the case there as well. This attorney would advocate for the children's rights. Not the parents. Not yours. Not grandparents. [/COLOR][/LEFT] This is what I think. I think the expectation here needs to be of yourself. I think it would be real easy to believe you can rescue these kids. The situation is pulling for that. I would want to rescue them. But you hit the nail on the head. Their situation is ongoing and intractable as long as the parents remain "out there" and the system does nothing to take that on and give these kids a stable and loving permanent home. The kids are not stupid. They know they are in limbo. Like you say, they are just acting out the truth of their lives. This is the 64000 dollar question. But this question is not only rhetorical. The system needs to be challenged to do their job. Or your daughter and the father need to be pressured to surrender parental rights, voluntarily. Now that there is this perceived tug of war between paternal and maternal grandparents, arriving at a compromise may be more difficult, but who knows? Maybe it will help. There have to be a non-profit that advocates for kids caught up in the system, that will take this on. Over and above an attorney to represent the kids. And if there are funds, it would not hurt for you to consult with a family attorney, to advocate for your position. The thing I am struggling to get across to you New Leaf is to validate what you're feeling, that you have taken on a huge responsibility...not because the kids have issues and problems...but because they are being sacrificed...and they know this is still the case. Somebody at the Democratic debate said the truth, I think it was DeBlasio *who I am not enamored of, but I liked what he said: He said of racial resentment towards immigrants, [I]it's not them who hurt you, it's corporations. [/I]This is the kids, too. Substitute adults for corporations. This is why these kids need therapy ASAP. They need individual therapy and they may benefit from family therapy. They need to come to the understanding that they are taking out their anger at each other and themselves, anger rightfully placed at the feet of adults in their midst (and I would add, the system that enables them.) I want you to let yourself off the hook. I fear that you expect of yourself that you make it all better. You can't. Nobody can. It's one day at a time. Like you say. No more than that. But somebody needs to help the kids understand that none of this is their fault. I feel bad. [/QUOTE]
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