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updating daily-Day 10, my son, in 1st detox, ?'s
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 109105" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>(((Hugs))) to you. Isn't it hard? My precious daughter started smoking pot at twelve. I can't even imagine that now--I have another daughter who is now almost twelve and she's so innocent. Anyways, she upped the ante and did harder drugs, although we duhhhhhhhhhhh had no idea--thought it was just pot. She's clean now and has given me pointers on how to deal with drug addiction. My own words to you are a combination of her thoughts and what worked for us.</p><p>My daughter says "Never trust a drug addict!" </p><p>If your son is in denial that he has problems and thinks that everyone is insane and he's normal, sadly he won't get help. My daughter, at her age, had to decide ON HER OWN to get clean. It's not pleasant and only a very motivated person will do it. We made daughter leave at eighteen after coming home early from a trip and finding her and her buddies doing drugs in our house (she had sworn she was clean and, call us stupid, but we couldn't tell if she was sober or clean. She hid her addiction well). After she was thrown out we gave her NOT A DIME, and that's when she turned it around. She went to live with her straight arrow brother and he wouldn't even tolerate a cigarette in his house. Since he was her last chance to elude homelessness or a shelter life, she listened to him. She didn't have a car, but she got a job she could walk to. THe point? At his age, I would do nothing to make this easy or more pleasant for him. That in my opinion is enabling and doesn't work. He isn't saying, "I can't take it, I want help to get clean" so I wouldn't help him. I think my daughter would have gone on taking drugs if she had had mom or dad helping her along. And YES it was hard to let go, I cried a lot. She wouldn't talk to me for months. I felt guilty. But she made it and she thinks the only way to deal with an addict is Tough Love. They are opportunists, users, and liars and are very sick with addiction. They become their old selfs only after they actually detox and stay straight. While they are craving drugs, they'll go anything to get out of confinement to go back to their old ways. </p><p>The girlfriend sounds really on the ball and I would help HER and your wonderful grandchild. Right now, it's hard to deal with, but her father would not be a positive force in her life because of his addiction. He could even hurt the child, since he put his hands on his girlfriend.</p><p>None of this is your fault, and you can't make it better. Only HE can do that. I suggest you let him take the consequences without your assistance. You can visit him, but I'd not give him money. Remember that going to detox doesn't mean he will. I'd jump in to give him support (not money) once you see him seriously working a program to quit using drugs. Saying everyone else is crazy but him is his own denial. The good person is still inside of him. One day, like my daughter, he may see that he wants to be that good person again. Right now, he's not there yet. JMO of course and so sorry about your pain. I've felt it and I don't take it lightly!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 109105, member: 1550"] (((Hugs))) to you. Isn't it hard? My precious daughter started smoking pot at twelve. I can't even imagine that now--I have another daughter who is now almost twelve and she's so innocent. Anyways, she upped the ante and did harder drugs, although we duhhhhhhhhhhh had no idea--thought it was just pot. She's clean now and has given me pointers on how to deal with drug addiction. My own words to you are a combination of her thoughts and what worked for us. My daughter says "Never trust a drug addict!" If your son is in denial that he has problems and thinks that everyone is insane and he's normal, sadly he won't get help. My daughter, at her age, had to decide ON HER OWN to get clean. It's not pleasant and only a very motivated person will do it. We made daughter leave at eighteen after coming home early from a trip and finding her and her buddies doing drugs in our house (she had sworn she was clean and, call us stupid, but we couldn't tell if she was sober or clean. She hid her addiction well). After she was thrown out we gave her NOT A DIME, and that's when she turned it around. She went to live with her straight arrow brother and he wouldn't even tolerate a cigarette in his house. Since he was her last chance to elude homelessness or a shelter life, she listened to him. She didn't have a car, but she got a job she could walk to. THe point? At his age, I would do nothing to make this easy or more pleasant for him. That in my opinion is enabling and doesn't work. He isn't saying, "I can't take it, I want help to get clean" so I wouldn't help him. I think my daughter would have gone on taking drugs if she had had mom or dad helping her along. And YES it was hard to let go, I cried a lot. She wouldn't talk to me for months. I felt guilty. But she made it and she thinks the only way to deal with an addict is Tough Love. They are opportunists, users, and liars and are very sick with addiction. They become their old selfs only after they actually detox and stay straight. While they are craving drugs, they'll go anything to get out of confinement to go back to their old ways. The girlfriend sounds really on the ball and I would help HER and your wonderful grandchild. Right now, it's hard to deal with, but her father would not be a positive force in her life because of his addiction. He could even hurt the child, since he put his hands on his girlfriend. None of this is your fault, and you can't make it better. Only HE can do that. I suggest you let him take the consequences without your assistance. You can visit him, but I'd not give him money. Remember that going to detox doesn't mean he will. I'd jump in to give him support (not money) once you see him seriously working a program to quit using drugs. Saying everyone else is crazy but him is his own denial. The good person is still inside of him. One day, like my daughter, he may see that he wants to be that good person again. Right now, he's not there yet. JMO of course and so sorry about your pain. I've felt it and I don't take it lightly! [/QUOTE]
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