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Upsetting phone call from 34yo Difficult Child
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 660515" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>This is a beautiful, clearly written description of all of our positions relative to our addicted dysfunctional kids. </p><p></p><p>It does not feel safe to love them, but we do; we make the choice and take the risk of believing, one more time until something unbreakable in us breaks. They hate us for what we do for them and they hate us for all we do not do for them and they hate us for where they are in their lives.</p><p></p><p>And we keep seeing their faces when they were little, and remembering what it was to hold them, newly born.</p><p></p><p>We are living in torture, in a way.</p><p></p><p>I don't know how we survive it; I know that in so many ways we do not survive it. I think we do come back from it, come back from living in emotional turmoil and, not to be too dorky here (no more than usual, right guys? :O) ) lives of varying intensities of pain. </p><p></p><p>And grief.</p><p></p><p>I think I might be grieving in multiple layers comprised of different times and all sort of mushed together. This is steady state for me, after years and years of trauma. No big deal, until something breaks loose.</p><p></p><p>Then we are in danger of the whole, so carefully erected sculpture tumbling down.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>Your post hit a chord with me, pasa.</p><p></p><p>Holding you in my thoughts, pasa.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 660515, member: 17461"] This is a beautiful, clearly written description of all of our positions relative to our addicted dysfunctional kids. It does not feel safe to love them, but we do; we make the choice and take the risk of believing, one more time until something unbreakable in us breaks. They hate us for what we do for them and they hate us for all we do not do for them and they hate us for where they are in their lives. And we keep seeing their faces when they were little, and remembering what it was to hold them, newly born. We are living in torture, in a way. I don't know how we survive it; I know that in so many ways we do not survive it. I think we do come back from it, come back from living in emotional turmoil and, not to be too dorky here (no more than usual, right guys? :O) ) lives of varying intensities of pain. And grief. I think I might be grieving in multiple layers comprised of different times and all sort of mushed together. This is steady state for me, after years and years of trauma. No big deal, until something breaks loose. Then we are in danger of the whole, so carefully erected sculpture tumbling down. Cedar Your post hit a chord with me, pasa. Holding you in my thoughts, pasa. [/QUOTE]
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Upsetting phone call from 34yo Difficult Child
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