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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 613674" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Lar, welcome. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. I think you are doing the absolute right thing in moving. You are not responsible for your adult daughter's bad choices. </p><p></p><p>First of all, I hope you are getting yourself some support, this is a very challenging road and most often we need help, professional help. There is NAMI, the National alliance on mental illness. They can be accessed online, have chapters everywhere and offer excellent courses for parents which can give you not only support but very good information. I would start there. Therapy, parent groups and 12 step groups help a lot as well. The point is to shift your focus away from the care of your daughter and on to yourself, at this point that alone will change things a lot. We have to learn how to care for ourselves again, to nurture ourselves and make sure OUR needs are met. </p><p></p><p>Many of us with adult kids have to learn to detach from them. There is an excellent article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, it may help you to clarity what you are going through and give you some strength to continue making good choices for YOU. It's a tough road, no doubt about it, we are weary warriors over here, but with support, with your intention to retrieve your own life and find peace of mind, you can do this.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is not seeking help, she is continuing to make poor choices. Those choices may be due to her mental issues, but as someone on this board, who is bi-polar said, "being bi-polar doesn't give you a pass on personal responsibility." Due to the adoption at a late age, there may be other emotional anomalies present as well. You didn't cause that and you can't control it, only she can do that and she isn't so there is nothing left for you to do but go live your own life. Your daughter's choices trump yours in her life but that doesn't mean you have to pay for them or even stick around and watch them unfold. </p><p></p><p>Go ahead with your plan to move and "let them make their own way." I know that's a tough choice to make, I know how it tears at your heart while you think you can still do something else, anything else, but you can't, it's all up to her. Go live your life.............wishing you peace...........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 613674, member: 13542"] Lar, welcome. I'm so sorry you are going through this with your daughter. I think you are doing the absolute right thing in moving. You are not responsible for your adult daughter's bad choices. First of all, I hope you are getting yourself some support, this is a very challenging road and most often we need help, professional help. There is NAMI, the National alliance on mental illness. They can be accessed online, have chapters everywhere and offer excellent courses for parents which can give you not only support but very good information. I would start there. Therapy, parent groups and 12 step groups help a lot as well. The point is to shift your focus away from the care of your daughter and on to yourself, at this point that alone will change things a lot. We have to learn how to care for ourselves again, to nurture ourselves and make sure OUR needs are met. Many of us with adult kids have to learn to detach from them. There is an excellent article on detachment at the bottom of my post here, it may help you to clarity what you are going through and give you some strength to continue making good choices for YOU. It's a tough road, no doubt about it, we are weary warriors over here, but with support, with your intention to retrieve your own life and find peace of mind, you can do this. Your daughter is not seeking help, she is continuing to make poor choices. Those choices may be due to her mental issues, but as someone on this board, who is bi-polar said, "being bi-polar doesn't give you a pass on personal responsibility." Due to the adoption at a late age, there may be other emotional anomalies present as well. You didn't cause that and you can't control it, only she can do that and she isn't so there is nothing left for you to do but go live your own life. Your daughter's choices trump yours in her life but that doesn't mean you have to pay for them or even stick around and watch them unfold. Go ahead with your plan to move and "let them make their own way." I know that's a tough choice to make, I know how it tears at your heart while you think you can still do something else, anything else, but you can't, it's all up to her. Go live your life.............wishing you peace........... [/QUOTE]
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