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General Parenting
Using reward/punishment to 'untangle' diagnoses from learned behavior?
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 369537" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I think it interesting that a reward/punishment chart would be used to untangle diagnosis's. I feel you are on the right track in looking at anxiety as one of the issues. (I don't know enough about sensory issues to comment on that one) To have an older sibling harrassing you your entire life telling you that you are useless would lead anyone to not even try. Why should he do well in school? His brother has already pounded in the fact that he is a looser. He doesn't want positive attention but I bet he also just doesn't want any attention because somehow his brother will tell him that it is not important. When you feel like a looser, any attention is hard to take.</p><p> </p><p>Do you have access to a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist would be able to start the diagnose process through various tests and gathering medical info as well as info from his teachers and you. You also may want to get a neuropshych evaluation to pinpoint diagnosis that psychologists and psychiatrist are not able to diagnose. (You state your 12 yr old difficult child has been "labeled". By who and how? Is that another possible option for you to go back to that professional with your 5 year old? Is your 12 yr old on any medications? Are they helping?) We were fortunate that our difficult child's psychologist was in a partnership with a psychiatrist. They work as a team. The psychiatrist helped get the diagnosis and prescribes the medication and the psychologist works with difficult child on tools to use to get through life - how to recognize and handle his anxiety.</p><p> </p><p>A child's life goes by so quickly. I hate it when I hear doctors dragging their feet and hesitating to do tests that can get quick answers. Sometimes these testings take months to get into.</p><p> </p><p>Did the therapist actually use the word "punishment"? That should be thrown out of the equation no matter what you decide to do. To punish is always wrong in my opinion. Disciplining is different, it is a positive teaching of consequences - focus on teaching the child what he/she did wrong instead of punishing. Each child is different when it comes to these charts. They do work for some, however, as a mom, you know best if they will work for your child or not. If for some reason you do decide to try one, keep the "punishment" side of it to a very minimal. Choose only a few major things you are working on. With my difficult child who was much older, having his hand on the car door handle before the car was placed in park was one of our few causes to loose points because it was a serious major issue we were trying to get him to stop. Focus on the positive. Getting a reward for making it through the morning without having brother frustrate him into a temper or refusal to do something is much better than loosing points because he got mad at his brother. Use it as a positive way to show him that he is capable of doing whatever his brother is telling him he can't.</p><p> </p><p>I do understand you not wanting to give extra reward for things that are expected. However, your 5 year old is really struggling to do what is expected and some encouragement may be needed to let him know he made the right decision. You don't know yet why he is not doing what is expected. Your mommy instinct is pushing you to look for answers. </p><p> </p><p>I was so sad when my difficult child came home at age 6 and refused to watch Bob the Builder any more simply because a classmate told him it was a baby show. That classmate took some joy out of difficult child's life. Those "baby shows" still have lots of good lessons to learn and are good clean quality non-violent shows for our kids to watch.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 369537, member: 5096"] I think it interesting that a reward/punishment chart would be used to untangle diagnosis's. I feel you are on the right track in looking at anxiety as one of the issues. (I don't know enough about sensory issues to comment on that one) To have an older sibling harrassing you your entire life telling you that you are useless would lead anyone to not even try. Why should he do well in school? His brother has already pounded in the fact that he is a looser. He doesn't want positive attention but I bet he also just doesn't want any attention because somehow his brother will tell him that it is not important. When you feel like a looser, any attention is hard to take. Do you have access to a psychiatrist? A psychiatrist would be able to start the diagnose process through various tests and gathering medical info as well as info from his teachers and you. You also may want to get a neuropshych evaluation to pinpoint diagnosis that psychologists and psychiatrist are not able to diagnose. (You state your 12 yr old difficult child has been "labeled". By who and how? Is that another possible option for you to go back to that professional with your 5 year old? Is your 12 yr old on any medications? Are they helping?) We were fortunate that our difficult child's psychologist was in a partnership with a psychiatrist. They work as a team. The psychiatrist helped get the diagnosis and prescribes the medication and the psychologist works with difficult child on tools to use to get through life - how to recognize and handle his anxiety. A child's life goes by so quickly. I hate it when I hear doctors dragging their feet and hesitating to do tests that can get quick answers. Sometimes these testings take months to get into. Did the therapist actually use the word "punishment"? That should be thrown out of the equation no matter what you decide to do. To punish is always wrong in my opinion. Disciplining is different, it is a positive teaching of consequences - focus on teaching the child what he/she did wrong instead of punishing. Each child is different when it comes to these charts. They do work for some, however, as a mom, you know best if they will work for your child or not. If for some reason you do decide to try one, keep the "punishment" side of it to a very minimal. Choose only a few major things you are working on. With my difficult child who was much older, having his hand on the car door handle before the car was placed in park was one of our few causes to loose points because it was a serious major issue we were trying to get him to stop. Focus on the positive. Getting a reward for making it through the morning without having brother frustrate him into a temper or refusal to do something is much better than loosing points because he got mad at his brother. Use it as a positive way to show him that he is capable of doing whatever his brother is telling him he can't. I do understand you not wanting to give extra reward for things that are expected. However, your 5 year old is really struggling to do what is expected and some encouragement may be needed to let him know he made the right decision. You don't know yet why he is not doing what is expected. Your mommy instinct is pushing you to look for answers. I was so sad when my difficult child came home at age 6 and refused to watch Bob the Builder any more simply because a classmate told him it was a baby show. That classmate took some joy out of difficult child's life. Those "baby shows" still have lots of good lessons to learn and are good clean quality non-violent shows for our kids to watch. [/QUOTE]
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Using reward/punishment to 'untangle' diagnoses from learned behavior?
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