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General Parenting
Using reward/punishment to 'untangle' diagnoses from learned behavior?
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<blockquote data-quote="whatamess" data-source="post: 369550" data-attributes="member: 7664"><p>Hi Andy and Allan,</p><p>I appreciate both your posts. </p><p> </p><p>Andy, our family has really kind of accepted 'defeat' in that difficult child's behaviors are so pervasive we can't resolve them all, so we avoid triggering when we can and remove ourselves from his presence when we can't. I know this is difficult for me and am realizing the toll it takes on the other kids. I was hoping this therapist was one who would help by talking through coping strategies with my 5 year old. I really think that if he were given additional support in stopping and stepping back from engaging with difficult child that he could do it successfully more often.</p><p> </p><p>Allan, thank you for posting the link to your site. My thoughts about motivation are a mix of thoughts from Alfie Kohn and Ross Greene, so just reading the first part of your page reminded me that this IS how I want to proceed with helping my youngest-giving him the benefit of the doubt and knowing that he doesn't want to have trouble-he just needs help (and not by way of a candy or other treat).</p><p> </p><p>I actually delved into this a bit further with my 5 year old last night. He was so insightful, it made me regret even thinking for a second about a 'chart' to manipulate him. When I asked him about going to Kindergarten in the fall, he said he doesn't like school. I said, "Other kids like going to school, why don't you?". He said, "I'm different from the other kids". When I asked him what was different about him, he said, "My brain is different. People's brains all work differently". How does your brain work? "I walk slowly into school". And as the conversation continueed he talked about needing time to get used to being at school and when it gets close to the time to go home, he's can do what the other kids are doing. How insightful is that?!! I was super-impressed by his self-analysis and I am determined to respect his 'brain difference' and support his need to warm-up to school and the activities within. I wonder if he is articulating what most kids on the spectrum feel, that the transitions of the school day are too overwhelming and if they don't slow it down for him, he will choose not to participate.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="whatamess, post: 369550, member: 7664"] Hi Andy and Allan, I appreciate both your posts. Andy, our family has really kind of accepted 'defeat' in that difficult child's behaviors are so pervasive we can't resolve them all, so we avoid triggering when we can and remove ourselves from his presence when we can't. I know this is difficult for me and am realizing the toll it takes on the other kids. I was hoping this therapist was one who would help by talking through coping strategies with my 5 year old. I really think that if he were given additional support in stopping and stepping back from engaging with difficult child that he could do it successfully more often. Allan, thank you for posting the link to your site. My thoughts about motivation are a mix of thoughts from Alfie Kohn and Ross Greene, so just reading the first part of your page reminded me that this IS how I want to proceed with helping my youngest-giving him the benefit of the doubt and knowing that he doesn't want to have trouble-he just needs help (and not by way of a candy or other treat). I actually delved into this a bit further with my 5 year old last night. He was so insightful, it made me regret even thinking for a second about a 'chart' to manipulate him. When I asked him about going to Kindergarten in the fall, he said he doesn't like school. I said, "Other kids like going to school, why don't you?". He said, "I'm different from the other kids". When I asked him what was different about him, he said, "My brain is different. People's brains all work differently". How does your brain work? "I walk slowly into school". And as the conversation continueed he talked about needing time to get used to being at school and when it gets close to the time to go home, he's can do what the other kids are doing. How insightful is that?!! I was super-impressed by his self-analysis and I am determined to respect his 'brain difference' and support his need to warm-up to school and the activities within. I wonder if he is articulating what most kids on the spectrum feel, that the transitions of the school day are too overwhelming and if they don't slow it down for him, he will choose not to participate. [/QUOTE]
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Using reward/punishment to 'untangle' diagnoses from learned behavior?
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