Vacation and difficult child-need some opinions, please!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hearts and roses, Jul 27, 2007.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I really need some opinions please.

    My sister and her friend will be in a neighboring state to me and have invited me to join them for 2 days to go on a safari and kayaking. I really REALLY would love to go and desperately need to get away. With all the crap going on with difficult child and H's construction job on our home, I am feeling incredibly burnt out.

    The problem is I am afraid to leave difficult child, basically, on her own. And I definitely will not go if she has to join me. I am sick of her face and I do not want to see her on a mini vaca. I know that sounds so mean, but my God. She will be 18 in October and should remember to take her medications every morning and it will only be for 2-3 days but I'm terrified by what I may return to.

    The last time I went away for 2 measly days she went binge drinking, skipped her medications for 2 days and wound up in the hospital on suicide watch. I do not want a replay of that (that was in June).

    on the other hand, I suppose at some point I will have to trust her to be on her own for a couple of days. I know there are some of you reading this and thinking, "But won't H be there?" Yes, he will be home, but he's working from sun up to sun down to get our housing addition completed and is very one dimensional. He will kind of oversee what difficult child is up to and have her check in with him, but the man is exhausted and passes out by 9PM. difficult child has an 11PM curfew, but darned if he will be awake to notice, and quite honestly, I don't care if she misses curfew. I just want her sober, you know? And I don't want her having random sex with her newest love interest, who by the way, is the most pukish looking fellow - he looks like he is 12 and he's almost 20! Ugh.

    I could bring her with me, but then I'd have to deal with her freakin moods and attitude and I won't be able to speak freely with my sister and her friend - I am thinking it will be more fun for 3 adult women than it would be with 3 adult women and a teenager. Know what I mean??

    Since June 24th, difficult child has come to work with me daily. She may not come with me, but she will show up in her own car. She sits at a spare computer and goes on line. She just completed a body piercing class on line (lovely) and now she wants to take another. But the point is that this kid is with me all the freakin time and I'm about to go bananas. I love her, but I can't stand to be with her all the time. At first I was thinking it might be fun to do this safari thing together - doing something fun instead of bonding in a counselor's office, you know? But then I felt like the thought of being with her that much might send me over the edge.

    So, should I just stay home and avoid a disaster? Or, should I go without difficult child and hope for the best? What would you do?
     
  2. Kjs

    Kjs Guest

    almost 18. I would set her medications for each day. do you have a neighbor or someone that she can check in with? will husband be available for her to contact if needed? What about easy child? could easy child come stay for a few days?

    sounds like you really need to get away. Hope things can work out.
     
  3. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    easy child is in VA on extern so that's out. H will be available for the most part - they hit horns a lot. I've already set her medications for the month and there is a note hanging above them as a reminder to take them. I suppose she could contact either my sister who lives nearby and my friend also in an emergency. And I think she would.

    Thanks kjs for responding.
     
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    If you're going to spend the 2 days worrying over difficult child, would it really be worth it? However, if you think you can go without thinking of difficult child every second then I would go for it. You need a break. You deserve a break. And like you said, in a couple of months difficult child will be 18 and then what? I think this would be a good time to practice some detachment.

    Just my two cents.
     
  5. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I'd say GO GO GO. She is almost 18, she has to learn to handle herself. I understand your concerns with drinking and sex, but the sex part will probably take place with or without you around. Pukish huh? Poor thing! : )

    If you can go and not worry about her, I really do say go for it. You need and deserve a break!
     
  6. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I say GGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! If H could watch out for her during the day (perhaps there is something she could do to help) and then modify her curfew while you are gone. It's only a couple days and being home by 9 will not kill her!! Go and enjoy yourself and don't worry.

    You could have your sister and your friend call and check on her or perhpas your sister could take her out for lunch one day.

    Sharon
     
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Any chance she could stay with your sister while you're gone? Maybe your H can keep her busy enough during the day that she'll be too exhausted to go out at night.

    Not sounding callous, but you need the break more than she needs babysitting right now from the sound of it. As someone said, the sex will happen with or without you. Honestly, so will the drinking. About the only thing you can truly help with is her taking her medications and keeping her beside you during the day.

    So, go, have fun! Enjoy yourself, take care of whatever happens at home when you get back.
     
  8. blb

    blb New Member

    If that was only a month ago, I think if you go on vacation without someone to watch her that it's not a stab in the dark to say that's what you'll come home to again.

    Can you have another adult that you trust babysit her? Basically sit on her as it were? I wouldn't leave without knowing that you have someone that you can TRUST to watch over her. Responsibility some day is great but she wound up in the hospital a month ago...I think jmo that it would be too soon to expect her to walk the straight and narrow.
     
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Some good points here - will you be stressed the whole time you are gone? Seems not worth it then and perhaps you would bring the other 2 women down with you.
    Did difficult child end up in the mess in June due to you being gone? I do not think so. But, it could have been for attention.

    If you can manage to feel at peace with leaving husband in charge (too bad if he is tired - he is a parent and should be responsible) then go.

    What about sending her to Biodad's? I know he is not all that responsible, but he is her dad.
     
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I will be concerned while I'm gone, it's true. But I spoke with difficult child and H today and I feel relatively certain that things will be okay for 2 days. I will leave tomorrow and be back Monday afternoon.

    My difficult child will have a few numbers she can call in an emergency if H is unavailable. H assures me he will be available and will stay awake until difficult child gets home for curfew. difficult child assures me she will not drink and will be home for curfew. I've left a note for her to take her medications each day hanging over her medication case. My two closest friends will also be available should difficult child call them in an emergency.

    I think that whether I am home or away, difficult child is going to do what she is going to do, whether it be drinking or sex, or whatever. I do KNOW for sure that if she's taking her medications each day, she will not hurt herself and between the note and H reminding her she should be on her medications like normal.

    I feel like I'm at a crossroads here. If I stay and have to be with difficult child all week while off from work I will be miserable which is also detrimental to difficult child's well being as well as my own. It is a risk for me to go away for 2 days, but at this point, I feel it is a risk for me to stay or take difficult child with me. So...I'm going for it.

    Thanks for your comments.
     
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