i'm so ****** at myself right now. i lost my temper with difficult child. i smacked her, yup not hard at all yet in the face of all places. yea i know bad. got it. i just am so fed up with-it all i truly am. i'm at my breaking point no one sees it or respects it especially her. my ex who i cannot stand with a burning passion. she walks around this house not eating refusing to drink water. just licking spoon after spoon of peanut butter and nutella that makes her sick. she can't go to the batrhroom. she wont' drink water just milk. i keep telling her drink the water she wont'. everythings a struggle. last night husband and i tried yes tried to have an hr alone to play wii. can she let us no. she had just licked alot of nutella so she gota sugar rush. refused to go to bed stood in the dining room saying my name as i could see her from the den refusing to go to bed. had to physcially drag her down the hallway. i just dont' see how i'm going to keep it together 3,600 miles away with feeding tubes and all the fits she's going to throw. i can't get in to see therapist before i go as if that would even help. i go in to take her pressure, i am pretty sure she needs a bag. she wants to go to the movies today. yea it's just sitting yet i know her and her pulse goes high when she's dehydrated and well she wont' let me so i had had it after calmly saying ten times please stop wiggling around let me do this. like it's a joke she sits there laughing. stupid ex wants her overnight to bring her to his stupid parents house i dont' want to let her go why because he's such a help. i'm just soo done it's not even funny right now. i hate hate hate having her in myspace when she isnt' eating. it is the most unnerving thing in the world for me.