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<blockquote data-quote="smallworld" data-source="post: 161552" data-attributes="member: 2423"><p>Have you ever read the <em>Positive Discipline</em> books by Jane Nelsen? Her theory about logical consequences is this:</p><p> </p><p>Opportunity = Responsibility = Consequence</p><p> </p><p>Nelsen writes: "For every opportunity children have, there is a related responsibility. The obvious consequence for not accepting the responsbility is to lose the opportunity."</p><p> </p><p>In this vein, I'm wondering how writing sentences is a logical consequence for N's defiance. What will it teach her about cooperating except to get in a power struggle with you?</p><p> </p><p>If N kicks her sister, I would recommend a short cooling-off period and then give her a chance to join the group and try again. If it happens again, have her sit out for double the time and then try again. She will become very discouraged if you don't communicate to her that you have faith in her by giving her repeated chances to behave appropriately.</p><p> </p><p>In terms of lying, my kids and I don't have a problem with that because I don't ask set-up questions -- ones I already know the answer to. Instead of saying, "Did you clean your room?" I say, "I notice your room isn't clean. What's your plan for cleaning it?"</p><p> </p><p>Some other options: </p><p> </p><p>"That sounds like a good story. You have such a good imagination. Tell me more about it."</p><p> </p><p>"That doesn't sound like the truth to me. Most of us don't tell the truth when we are feeling trapped, scared or threatened in some way. I'll be available if you want to share what's going on with you."</p><p> </p><p>"What should we do about getting the chores done?" instead of "Did you do your chores?" </p><p> </p><p>Just my two cents . . .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="smallworld, post: 161552, member: 2423"] Have you ever read the [I]Positive Discipline[/I] books by Jane Nelsen? Her theory about logical consequences is this: Opportunity = Responsibility = Consequence Nelsen writes: "For every opportunity children have, there is a related responsibility. The obvious consequence for not accepting the responsbility is to lose the opportunity." In this vein, I'm wondering how writing sentences is a logical consequence for N's defiance. What will it teach her about cooperating except to get in a power struggle with you? If N kicks her sister, I would recommend a short cooling-off period and then give her a chance to join the group and try again. If it happens again, have her sit out for double the time and then try again. She will become very discouraged if you don't communicate to her that you have faith in her by giving her repeated chances to behave appropriately. In terms of lying, my kids and I don't have a problem with that because I don't ask set-up questions -- ones I already know the answer to. Instead of saying, "Did you clean your room?" I say, "I notice your room isn't clean. What's your plan for cleaning it?" Some other options: "That sounds like a good story. You have such a good imagination. Tell me more about it." "That doesn't sound like the truth to me. Most of us don't tell the truth when we are feeling trapped, scared or threatened in some way. I'll be available if you want to share what's going on with you." "What should we do about getting the chores done?" instead of "Did you do your chores?" Just my two cents . . . [/QUOTE]
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