vent

[Jena]

i have spent almost 3 mos it'll be in 2 weeks helping other ppl, trying my best to empower them be there for them, help them, give them ideas, resources go to court with-them, you name it. yet i have not had anywhere to put my stuff and the build up is severe.

i need therapy bigtime to get rid of my frustrations the ones i'm running into with my job that is so hard some days i have to sit in my truck and cry to get it out what i see, what i can't fix, the whole thing.

and difficult child is hurting bad right nwo and i'm a mix of angry and sad all at once. i hold it together well when i handle her yet my frustration of continuially trying to get a square peg (difficult child) into a round hole i'm sooo done and disgusted. there aren't enough resources, or qualified doctors to help or therapists that can handle her issues and endless needs.

i'm it on a stick and it is tired and out of ideas tongiht at least.

45 minutes the kid sat in nurse today because the two psychiatric in school were busy this is why she has no place in being there. no place at all.

she cried toinght the cry i havent' heard in a while i want to be like the other kids, i dont' want to be like this anymore. great. freaking great is all i can say. i need a parent advocate tonight. it just gets to hte point where the sheer frustration of the overall shabby mental health field makes me want to puke. that this one little girl can't be handled by anyoen is absurd and so not exceptable that no one can figure out how to amke her comfortable for long term.

the seroquel works for while than stops, it's like a bandaid on a never ending situation that has been battled since birth. my one wish for her is to be able to just live one day without the anxiety and hyperactivity or depression or paranoia just one day to feel what that feels like.

i tried spinning tongiht to a client she was hopeless, lost, crying and i spun it yet i can't spin it to me. why is that???

ok sorry i know i'm doing pity party mode tonight i apologize that isnt' the true me i'm just really disgusted and kinda fed up.

thanks for letting me blow

 

[Andy]

O.K., Break time for Jena! You are on overload - learning a new job and moving and loosing a babysitter and difficult child melting a little harder each day! I think difficult child is picking up on your frustrations (no matter how hard you hide it, she is very sensitive and feels you struggling).

Break time - Stop EVERYTHING starting NOW! Do nothing this weekend except have fun with the kids. Do you have difficult child this weekend? You go ahead and announce, "Family Time Out". Do you have a zoo nearby? A kid friendly museum? Bowling?

Don't you dare do anything this weekend except family activities. Your responsibilities of unpacking, paying bills, whatever, can wait. Make an adventure out of making breakfast, lunch, dinner. In fact, make one of those meals a meal out (McDonalds?) or if public dining is hard for difficult child (go through drive through and bring it home). Have a full blown movie night at home - dress in p.j.'s get out the popcorn, soda, and candy and just have fun.

Make an adventure out of everything the entire weekend. Focus only on the family - everything else is unimportant this weekend.

Then end it all in your most favorite place. On Sunday night when everyone is in bed for the night, go to your bubble bath and melt.

 

[Star*]

MMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM & MMMMM MMM M MMMMM.

MMMMMMMMM MMMM. MMMMMM MMMMMMMM............MMMMMMMM.

and you KNOW what I just said to you little sista 'cause I said it to you b'fore the job started.

BUT - I still loves ya anyway.

This is the exact EXACT reason I did not take a position on the education board of the governors office AND why I did not become a GAL. TOO MUCH.

I think you are a fantastic person J. I have no doubts in your abilities to put things together and make things happen. I also know jobs are harder to come by than anything right now - BUT with your qualifications? I think you may want to consider a career change.

Maybe it would be better to do a monster.com thing now before you really get emotionally involved. ????

I dunno - I guess you'll know when you've had enough. I had a bread route once too. Everyone told me how good I'd be at it. I was a natural. Strong, organized, good driver - fast. I took the job. I wanted the money. I was up at 4am - in the terminal by 4:30 - and didn't get home every night until 6pm. The money was not worth what I put myself and my son through. To this day - I would tell anyone that I'd rather work construction digging ditches than be a bread route driver. They earn every penny.

Hope it works out for you.

Hugs

 

[Jena]

hi guys!

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Andy - I see your point believe me, yet i can't take a break from reality as much as i'd like to house wont' function just won't. hey, i can say house now lol.

I am overloaded and frustrated no doubt. difficult child is melting pretty bad. i've been due to raise medications for 2 mos now yet refuse to, she's gained 25 lbs. and is crying and becoming depressed about the weight issue now to boot.

believe it or not i handle it all pretty well, the pyscho you see in here isn't the pyscho she sees lol. i have a calendar now on the fridge listing our schedules' difficult child reward days, etc. yet there has been too much for her at one time right now. she was already dipping before move and hey this is the way of the bipolar. it's that freaking anxiety disorder and the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) that makes the bi polar almost unmanagable at times. please give me one disorder i could work that well for her and i both but that isn't going to happen.

star - yes you did, yet mom has to work it isn't optional. if it wasnt' this job it would be a nine to five and me getting home at 7 off trains. this job although ridiuclously demanding, being i'm out working thursday and friday nights seeing clients allows me to bring difficult child into school each day and pick her up 3 days out of 5 and boyfriend gets her the other 2 and she plays with-his kids after school (her happiest days) so it's about j learning to cope better with it all.

work is stressing me i will not lie. i'm working off of my clients' schedules and their killing me. i just slid a client into saturday a..m. time slot. because i refuse to work another weeknight it isnt' going to happen. so i went from 6 cases to 11 today out of the blue and overwhelmed doens't even begin to describe it. i still like the work yet i get frustrated with their difficult child's and mine most of all. i want to fix the world yet i cna't seem to get one kid stable. this week alone i'd say 85% of my kids went off the wall and they were stable last week. take a guessi got majority BiPolar (BP) kids.

i just needed a vent, i'll know when i need to speak up adn say ok enough at work. i'm not there yet. i have to fix my schedule and make it better. it will take time to add the other 5 families into my week without working more nights. yet i'll find a way if they want em in there their going to have to bend a bit too.

as far as difficult child goes she's seeing things now, the anxiety has gotten to a somewhat unmanagable point at times. all our tricks, tips, things i've taught her aren't working. toinght she's seeing u.f.o.'s and crying.

i'm telling you there has got to be a way to help these kids without sedating them. i have no clue what it is but there has got to be a way.

 

[Hound dog]

Jena

I do understand your need to blow.

easy child thinks I"m crazy for wanting to be a psychiatric nurse. But I discovered it as my niche long long ago. So that's probably what I'll go for once I graduate.

But I know going in that it won't bother me the way it does alot of people. I can clock out and walk away from it and leave it behind. And yet still be very giving to my patients.

You need to get your tough skin developed. You need to revamp your schedule so that you aren't overworked. I know you care so very much about what you do, but you have to be so careful not to have that become a flaw instead of an asset. You are one caring person among a sea of people in need. If you're not careful you'll drown. Burn out from this sort of thing is sky high. You've got to learn to pace yourself, and learn that no matter how hard you try to can't help/save them all.

I'd nix the carrying it over into weekends. This is time you need for your family, your child, and to unwind and to shed the week's stress. Most especially if you're already working long hours during the week.

If you love this job, and I'm sure you do, you have to find a way to make it work for you and your family without the stress that comes along with the job sending you headlong into burnout.......which by the way will cause you to loath the job of your dreams before you know it.

You do the best you can and let the rest go.

Sorry difficult child is having trouble coping and they're not handling her well at school. Find something fun for each of you to do this weekend to help you blow off steam.

(((hugs)))

 

[Jena]

Lisa thanks i do appreciate your words. and yes thicker skin is def needed I can soo see your point there. I have learned to rely on the ppl i work with and go to them when i need to discuss a family and vent about what i saw and how it upsets me. it's soo triggering all my issues as well, lol. Star be quiet!! LOL. yet in some sick and distorted way i'm sure it heals them as well, at least someoen can benefit from my carp.

the weekend thing i can't find a way around. i sort of go under the radar several days a week to leave early and get difficult child from school go home and spend the afternoon with her. so to me that is the price i pay a sat. a.m. appointment. i'm being pushed for numbers and the client has no other time. i'm fairly creative yet how creative can i be?? difficult child goes to dad every other weekend maybe i can see the client every other weekned when she's there and well numbers just wont' be great.

my job is more focused on the parents, yet due to my beginning there working with-the caseworkers till my clearances came through i worked with the entire family. so that's been my connection to the original cases working with all of them. it's so hard to describe yet the psychiatric do'cs and the t's just dont' do their jobs (bigtime) and it falls on the crisis teams backs.

the stories i hear of balls being dropped so to speak is astounding. i think all of us are fairly lucky to have this place. i've thought of giving it out to clients yet than i'd have to go. I can't lose here lol.

 

[ML]

Ah Jena my friend you are in way over your head. If you must stay at this job right now than I suggest a ODAAT approach and to the extent possible, find humor. I'm not trying to diminish anyone's pain or the seriousness of anyone's situation. But think the series (if you're old enough) MASH. My husband worked in social services 20 years and he said the thing that helped relieve stress was the cameradeire among colleagues. They had a saying in their office "we work so you don't have to". You have got to laugh! husband said you can't care more about the clients than they care about themselves.

Please, please don't take this the wrong way. I know these people deserve dignity and compassion, truly. I'm simply trying to help JENA figure out a way to survive without getting pulled down into the dark pit of despair.

Your difficult child is so much like mine. It is exhausting. I'd even try to inject humor with her. Though I will tell you manster gets ANGRY when I make him laugh when he wants to be mad lol.

Don't know what else to say except do something nice for Jena this weekend.

Love,

ML

 

[DammitJanet]

OMG ML! I worked at Social Services and I had that bumper sticker on my car...lmao!