I am thinking along some of same lines sort of in some ways a klmno is.
(I have not yet read past there in this thread)
When I was reading this- something jumped into my mind.
My daughter was in so many different therapy types- family in home, family at psychiatric hospital, family at therapist, sibling at phsop, sibling at tdocs, sibling at home, peeers at psychiatric hospital, peers at tdocs, peers at school, mom/daughter, sisters, one on one at school, at home, at tdocs, at psychiatrists, and at psychiatric hospital. (all psychiatric hospital therapies were both inpatient and ongoing outpatient)
Truth is over the years all those professionals kept telling ME to "pick my battles" with difficult child. They also had been working for years with her to have her be non confrontational, take a step back, use your words instead of actions, or walk away if things are not going so great.
Sadly....I would sit and watch these professionals. They seldom did what they told me to do. Often they did almost opposite what they told me was correct way to handle things. I cannot tell you how many times I witnessed those professionals also behaving in the very ways they kept trying to say were NOT proper behavior!
They also focused sometimes on some of the weirdest (in my opinion) things. we had a girls group one nite straight after school- and that DAY in school was "dress up day" AT school, and we went straight to girls groups from school. They actually complained to me and called CPS becuz difficult child came to group 2 weeks in a row in the same dress. It WAS clean, and irnoed, and it fit her fine......but they decided girls do not really wear dresses anymore, and they found it "odd" LOL ironically the therapist running group wore MINI skirts EVERY week. with HEELS.
Another time, a different year, difficult child went thru this horrendous insane growth spurt. SHe went from a girls size 6X to a womens size 8 in less than 6 weeks. Literally daily she would put clothes on that we just bought 2-3 days prior, and while they would be loose and baggy the day we bought them, 2-3 DAYS later, they would be short and tight. Now mind you I worked double shift, and we were very low income (I made min wage and was trying to support me, husband and 3 kids) One week the therapist group leader would complain at me that my dtr was in clothes too big, the very next week complain they were too small-----and yes, she called CPS.......ironically, the week after she called CPS? She herself was wearing a button front shirt where the buttons were gapped severely, far too small on her......her bra showed terribly.....and yes, her miniskirt.....Now come on, I doubt SHE was in midst of a growth spurt!
ANyway, one time at a family session---the therapist had us all file in to the office, and said "sit anywhere" so we all took seats. difficult child wanted a specific seat, she was NOT fussing about it, noone was.....and we all sat easily and quickly. therapist decided SHE did NOT like where difficult child chose to sit. Now therapist had told me previously to not interfere when she is guiding difficult child.so I did not say or do anything. Well, therapist apprently changed her mind, cuz she looked at me and told me to tell difficult child to sit elsewhere. Seriusly I looked around and could find no good logical reason why it mattered. Even if I were picking my battles, I simply could not see why this would make a difference. difficult child was not in tdocs chair. was not in a chair far away from the rest of us. SO I tried to convey my puzzlement to therapist by facial expression. Well, therapist was haveing none of it. SHe started to get stern and not very nice to difficult child. difficult child started to squirm and tears sprang to her eyes. BUT all the seats were taken, by then...the rest of us had sat down.....and in order for difficult child to change seats, she would have to make one of us move. - and normally her asking one of us to move would cause us to have a problem with her. I mean why would we play musical chairs, we all had a seat. Now we are gonna get to the task at hand, right? So little difficult child is squirming and not sure what to do or how to do it and therapist is starting to get icky at her. Then therapist looks at ME and says You are her mother DO SOMETHING.
Huh? I said first thing that popped into my head......it is your office, if you want to assign us seats, you need to tell us where you want us to sit. My difficult child did not do anything wrong, she did what we all did, she sat down......and so did the rest of us, where do you want HER to sit?
I did not yell, I was not ugly about it, I was confused myself.
therapist jumped up, grabbed difficult child by her arm and began to pull her out of her seat!
I set the baby down, easy child kinda curled up in her chair - husband looked shellshocked. I went over to difficult child and said here, come sit by me......therapist yelled, NO< she will sit where I tell her to. Ya know, therapist began to scare ME.
difficult child breaks out in hives when she has a panic attack......and she counts quietly to herself trying to self calm.....she was sitting with tears running down her face, counting quietly.....hive begiining on her face.....
difficult child then pulled her arms away from therapist and she slowly walked to the tdocs office door. Now, I KNOW my difficult child. I KNEW where she was going. For YEARS this SAME therapist had been teaching difficult child to quietly remove herself and go to nearest bathroom, to wash her face........to self calm. difficult child is too anxious to go far from where ever I am.....no matter how much you trigger her. ANd I could HEAR her opening the bathroom door.
I KNEW she would be back in minutes, I also knew she never locked doors, so, if anything sounded funny, I would be able to get her.and I did NOT hear the lock on tdocs bathroom door engage. BUT therapist was NOT happy.
She JUMPED up, got in my face close to me, and said YOU ARE THE MOM- DO SOMETHING.
I looked at therapist and said "I" did not understand why you said for us to sit ad after she did sit, YOU decided YOU did not like where SHE sat. It is YOUR office........and at the moment YOU were in charge. All of US did everything you have taught all of us for years. We came in and sat down quietly and quickly. We did not interfere with your directions, or your interaction with her. WE picked OUR battle......who sat where was not a battle we thought was important enough to bother with.
YOU created this mess....and now you are ridiculing our child for doing what you have been teaching her for YEARS? Seems to me she obeyed 100% every step of the way!
Sad to say therapist called CPS again.said we were not "watching our child" in her office. HUH? (by the way CPS never found a problem with any of the weird things we got called in for) therapist wound up QUITTING 2 weeks later, but refused to see difficult child again.
My point? Just becuz they have credentials to hang out a shingle does not mean they are always right, or that they always handle things well. Sometimes they blow it. And sadly sometimes when THEY mess up, they act like a difficult child and try to make it look like someone elses fault.
Seems to me for therapy to work...a person has to have a relationship in the first place. Personally, I cannot see ANY type of therapy working if the client and professional do ntot have a positive relationship in the first place. I don't care how old or young the client is. a client simply cannot be guided, give credibility to, trust, listen to, honor, another person unless they have a reason to. ANd if a therapist is not on good terms with a client or vice versa, personally I do not think it will matter even if the client is not a diagnosable client, or if they are on magic medications that DO make everything wonderful.
ANd yes, some tdocs and psychiatrists might be great ones, BUT there still has to be something positive between The CLIENT and the professional.
I mean don't we work hard to try to teach our kids who it is safe to trust and who it is not safe to trust.....if they have some problem with their professional, for whatever reason- why would they listen? why would they trust? why would they ever care if they "please" that person? There HAS to be "chemistry" between the therapist and client. Before ANYTHING else can happen.
well, thats my 2 cents anyway.