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Venting, updating, just very conflicted right now.
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 640145" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Lil, I so understand how you are feeling. I have been there. I have grieved for the son I used to have.</p><p>Echo said it perfectly.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I remember when things started going bad for my difficult child and he would start screaming "I just wish everyone would leave me alone, I can't wait to get out of this house and live my life, I'm so sick of your rules, etc...." The sad reality is that he got exactly what he wanted. He's living his life the way he wanted but is very quick to tell you how much it sucks. I hate that my only child is homeless.</p><p></p><p>I for the most part have become immune to the subtle ways my difficult child will try to guilt me into doing things for him. I suppose that is also why I very rarely hear from him because he knows I cannot be persuaded. He has broken my heart and destroyed my trust in him too many times. My husband and I have paid for apartments and also purchased a house for our difficult child to live in. We bought clothes, food a cell phone we even bought a car and told him all you have to do is get a job and stick with it. All of this was never good enough for him.</p><p></p><p>The only way I have been able to find peace is by letting him go, really letting him go. I will always love him and will continue to pray for him but that is all I can do for him. He knows that I do not trust him at all and I have told him the only way he will every earn my trust back is in his actions not his words and at that, it will take years.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child as well as many others know how to get the help they need, they are not stupid or they would not have been able to survive the lives they are living. They are very good at making people think they are helpless. </p><p>I do think it's a good idea to offer suggestions to them as to where they can seek out help. Like MWM said</p><p></p><p></p><p>As for crying in church, I do it all the time but not because I'm sad but because I truly feel the presence of God and the love He has for me. I also am part of a life group at church and they know all about my difficult child. They have never been judgmental, they have been loving and supportive. God knows your heart, he knows every tear you shed and because of this never be embarrassed.</p><p></p><p>As for the holidays coming up it really doesn't matter what family or friends think. If they are close enough to you then they know the truth about what's going on and if they're not, well it's really none of their business and if they want to pass judgment on you that's their problem. We can't control our difficult child's or what other people think. It has taken me years to get to this point of acceptance.</p><p></p><p>Sending you hugs and wishing you peace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 640145, member: 18516"] Lil, I so understand how you are feeling. I have been there. I have grieved for the son I used to have. Echo said it perfectly. I remember when things started going bad for my difficult child and he would start screaming "I just wish everyone would leave me alone, I can't wait to get out of this house and live my life, I'm so sick of your rules, etc...." The sad reality is that he got exactly what he wanted. He's living his life the way he wanted but is very quick to tell you how much it sucks. I hate that my only child is homeless. I for the most part have become immune to the subtle ways my difficult child will try to guilt me into doing things for him. I suppose that is also why I very rarely hear from him because he knows I cannot be persuaded. He has broken my heart and destroyed my trust in him too many times. My husband and I have paid for apartments and also purchased a house for our difficult child to live in. We bought clothes, food a cell phone we even bought a car and told him all you have to do is get a job and stick with it. All of this was never good enough for him. The only way I have been able to find peace is by letting him go, really letting him go. I will always love him and will continue to pray for him but that is all I can do for him. He knows that I do not trust him at all and I have told him the only way he will every earn my trust back is in his actions not his words and at that, it will take years. My difficult child as well as many others know how to get the help they need, they are not stupid or they would not have been able to survive the lives they are living. They are very good at making people think they are helpless. I do think it's a good idea to offer suggestions to them as to where they can seek out help. Like MWM said As for crying in church, I do it all the time but not because I'm sad but because I truly feel the presence of God and the love He has for me. I also am part of a life group at church and they know all about my difficult child. They have never been judgmental, they have been loving and supportive. God knows your heart, he knows every tear you shed and because of this never be embarrassed. As for the holidays coming up it really doesn't matter what family or friends think. If they are close enough to you then they know the truth about what's going on and if they're not, well it's really none of their business and if they want to pass judgment on you that's their problem. We can't control our difficult child's or what other people think. It has taken me years to get to this point of acceptance. Sending you hugs and wishing you peace [/QUOTE]
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Venting, updating, just very conflicted right now.
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