venting, venting, venting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jena, Jan 31, 2008.

  1. Jena

    Jena New Member


    ok i'm totally venting here....LOL

    i took the day off from work, needed to to look up stuff on web which i cnat do at office and also to calm my brain and look at things from a more logical stand point which would be nice for a change.

    stupid schools, stupid teachers, stupid stupid all of them. ahhhh that felt good. if only i could say what i really wanted to. ever see that show years ago alley mcbeal where she'd act out in her mind what she truly wanted to say as opposed to handling herself like she wasn't mental?? lol

    teacher sent me reeling yesterday after her you should admit her comment, thank god for all of you and bringing my sanity back. i booked hotel and am moving forward as i had originally planned. then yesterday on phone she kept pushing the academics. which i get from teh stand point of being a teacher but hey lady be happy she's in the door i'm a parent who is actively involved i care and quite honestly pull out hte stick in which has wedged itself in her ummm.....*****. a cereal box book report was due today. on monday's and wednesday he (boyfriend) has all 5 kids it's his days off. rin gets no hw done on these days he's afraid to push her so focuses on getting his kids hw done so i walke in at 7 and have to deal with it. ok no problem. so last nigiht i walk in he has dinner ready i eat with them then i have to run to kmart to buy plastic for her bed i wash her bed down before i go (it's covered in pee ugh) so i'Tourette's Syndrome dry when i get back. i listen to him groaning and complaining as he does dishes (leave them i'm thinking i dont' give a sh*t) ill do them when i return yet he continues to huff and puff quietly in his corner while he washes. what a pain in my ***** there goes that word again. then ofcourse little on is now becoming needy my difficult child (see i learned the abbreviation) thank i'm dealing with her, then i catch that his older one who is 12 and mine who is or will be 15 soon and him are engaging in a conversation regarding vegans. my daughter is very opinionated feels strongly about things yet hasn't learned yet how to state her opinion without being nasty. we are working on this, but hey i love her conviction and fire. beautiful thing just have to harnass it. he turns around which we all know i might be booting his butt after this is all said and done for various reasons.......dont get me wrong he did cook dinner went and picked up stuff to cook does watch my kids mond and wed yet the little freaky things he does and the way he handles himself is enough to make me want to scream!!! he turns around to my almost 15 year old daughter while by the way my difficult child is still sitting at table finishing a snack he gave her and says to my kid jokingly actually laughing like it was funny "do you get called ( i can't spell this out but i'm sure you guys will figure it out) d*ck alot by your friends?????????????? laughing mind you like this is funny it s' a joke. i see my daugthers' face who then kinda laughs and says well i get called b*tch alot adn then i turn around tryiing trying to be calm while difficult child islooking at me adn say did you just say what i think you did???? he says well yea listen to her how nasty she is to me. i said ok but your an adult adn there are like a million other things you could of said then my daughter pipes in older one and says it's ok mom we're havinga conversation, she then removes herself and goes up to room his older one just shakes head and laughs because she thinks it's funny when dad acts like he's ummm about 13 himself. i do not. i drop the subject as to not cause a complete uproar adn decide i will revisit at a later time when kids aren't around. i look at him and say wow youve gotta be kidding me and i thought calling her an idiot when she was taking sweet and lows that night at rest was bad and putting thme in her bag. i said difficult child is sitting here she's 8 does she really have to hear you speak that way. he then says i have a right to live my life how i chose, preceding to shove pots and pans he's drying into cabinets banging them cause he's ******!! oh well who cares is what i'm thinking. i drop it completely continue on with my night. i then proceed to reach over sink get the sponge to wipe off table to set her up with hw my little one and he says nasty what are you doing with the sponge i'm doing the dishes so ofocurse i'm goign to be nasty i say well i was thinnking maybe i'll put it in mybag and bring it to office tmrw.

    we get thru the night igot to bed early, my little one wakes at 3 a.m. she's off medication's now so her sleep is only going to get worse. i take her into her room so as not to wake him.

    today i revist the topic he apologizes and says i'm sorry for saying that. i said it's the third time the third time you have commented about her using words in which are insane. he said i was only joking she knew that he was laughing but i said hello she's 14 are you insane would you wnat me to speak to your kids that way??he says well she was so nasty to me i said well guess what you are the adult you say please do not speak to me that way give her a warning if she continues then i'll jump in and back you. you do not speak to my daughter using those wrods thinking it's a joke i will never back or agree with that type of language being used to either of them it's not funny. so round and round we go him saying let it go i said i was sorry she wans't upset at all she thought it was funny. i said yea she gets a kick out of you acting like your 14 with her, you could probably hang out with her friends except fact your a little taller and no one would know the difference.

    so yup alot of good things about him, but yet with all i'm dealing with wow. you just cna't change someone and obviously this is how he functions. he's rough verbally with his own kids at times calling them jerk or idiot and thinks thats acceptable so ofcourse is going Occupational Therapist (OT) do same with mine.

    he says well you don't know how my day goes i'm off i go to gym after doing paperwork for rest. then i go food shopping cook make dinner your difficult child isn't easy always needing something from me. i say well i re route her to sitters house i don't need you to watch her at all. he says well she enjoys it i handle her well, which he does i have to say he doen'st name call with her which is good i think i'd really flip if that were the case it's hard enough swallowing the stupid stuff he says to older one, then i'm cleaning up after dinner, etc. i said yup having kids is hard it requires work and effort at least you got to gym.

    ok i'm done
    its not enough for me that he gets my kids has problems and handles it or he food shops or cooks dinnner. i'd almost rather that stuff didn't happen and he'd be a calmer and more thoughtful parent and not use inappropriate words with my older one. i get very defensive and my stress goes up and my difficult child feels that i have to work at staying level she feeds off that without a doubt. she needs calm calm atmosphere so that's why i drop stuff best i can and revisit later in a controlled environment where kids are either not home we're out or their sleeping.

    thanks for letting me ramble on just so frustrating
  2. Jena

    Jena New Member

    yup i'm still going on.........furthermore why should i have to police a grown up man's interaction with my children? why should i have to sit him down and speak to him like he's 14???????

    it's ridiculous, don't ya think??? i mean seriously grow up
  3. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    I think what you said is key - people can't change! When you wake up in the morning and roll over - that is what you have and he isn't going to change and it is damaging your children. It's NOT funny - it's harmful! It's passive aggressive and mean. If it bothers you as an adult imagine how much it is effecting the kids. I know you're dealing with a lot and not in the best of situations as far as living arrangements but boy I wish there was a way for you to get away from him. Doing the dishes only counts if you don't complain about it! I would tell him to go get surgery to have that large pole removed from his a**!!!
  4. Jena

    Jena New Member

    oh my ******* i totally agree. i have until next mos. i get the testing done, i get some answers, i'm saving tax return check part of it. i get to work my often unless he does a complete 360 he can kiss my ***!!!!!!!!

    he actually laughed, he actually laughed he thought it was funny. maybe if it was one of her friends then it would be but for an adult to say that to a kid is he out of his mind, doing drugs maybe he should go get an evaluation done himself?? then he tells me i'm nasty. my daughter even laughed i went to her this morning and said just to clarify for a moment you are not a d*ck. ever, ever ever i said a witch sometimes yes you are. i said i love that you are opinionated i think it's beautiful i think your beautiful. i said unfortunately he does not know how to handle himself with children which it is now apparent. she responded like it's no big deal he's actually funny he didn't call me that. (all i'm thinking is he implied it by saying it that way) yet who wants to draw her a complete picture.

    like you said you can't change a person. yup alot of good there yet when it comes to kids his level of dropping down to them is a bit too much. i loved the days during beginning of school year when we'd pick them up together he'd chase all the kids around and they'd laugh the playful side of him. that's the part i fell in love with yet not this for crying out loud.
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i'm sitting here boiling this morning the more i replay it in my mind. such anger and resentment i have towards him already. i will get out, the right way so as not to go broke yet again and loose it all. i'm not being weird about it i will. unless he did counseling and took parenting classes how else can i stay?????? the fact that it took me talking to him to make him realize how wrong he was. he truly thought it was funny and laughed while he said it to her he was really sincerely laughing like it was a joke. like we were all adults sitting out at a bar somewhere with friends and joking. not that we were sitting in our kitchen with a 12 and 14 year old by our side and a difficult child who is 8. granted do you want to know how truly stupid he is? he wasn't trying to attack her that is how much thought he doens't give to his words, that is how much he doens't engage his brain before opening mouth. had he said that to me i would of flipped. he's just so clueless he functions like a total complete child.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member

    i know i'm rambling on i just hope i can make it through till next mos. get her testing done, and get out of here. i know it'll upset kids to an extent to uproot them yet again and set them up somewhere else but wow i'm so mad right now and have no where to go with it and have to try so hard to keep calm till i get this wrapped up.
  7. daralex

    daralex Clinging onto my sanity

    Keep strong - you'll make it. I loved my 1st husband - but he was an a**. As much as I thought he'd change he never did - he couldn't - he was who he was. You have every right to boil - what he did was unexcusable and the fact that he didn't get it when you explained it to him speaks volumes! It is ABUSE! Verbal abuse of a child. You can't wipe away the words he said as your child will forever have them stored in memory and there's no way to take that back. What he did was wrong - point blank. He doesn't need counseling, he needs a stiff kick in his a**. I can imagine how much you want the relationship to be ok, but you and your kids need to be ok first. You'll be able to see things more clearly once you have some distance from this. Sorry it's been another rough day - I know the feeling!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  8. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    vent away!! The most important thing you can do now is put your children first. That appears to be what you are doing. It's wonderful having a man, but it is awful having a bad man.

    Your guy doesn't sound like a bad man, he just sounds misguided, unthinking, and not able to take things seriously. It seems you have moved into his home and given up your previous place.

    Were I in your position, if you truly have no where to go right now, I would tell him that your are doing the best to raise your children to be respectful to adults and when adults use that type of language around them, it destorys everything you work to teach them. Tell him it not only undermines your authority with your own children to have him laugh at you, but it hurts you to the core because he is showing you no respect.

    Then go on what you are doing and squirel away any extra bucks you can until you have enough for like three months rent. Or, call the DPS and see what housing options they may have available sooner.

    Living under stress is tough. I hope things are easier this evening.

  9. Jena

    Jena New Member

    thanks guys i appreciate it.

    i'm still floored by what he said, i did make the calls though there are no options right now and financially having a job hurts me alot LOL....too funny, huh...???

    anyway yes i had a long talk with him and told him that i think he is a disgusting human being with absolutely no thought or care to his behaviors and their affect on children i also told him that although i appreciate him putting a roof over the girls and my head when i lost everything i almost wish i hadn't because this type of careless abusive behavior towards my daughter is inexcusable under any circumstance that if she's going to be either called that or hear that let it be on the street certainly not in my home (home for the moment).

    he has apologized repeatedly via text today, i do not care to hear it. i will be sleeping this evening when he returns home.

    i just have to continue to stay focused and run interference best i can and maybe on mondays and wednesday when he has his kids i could pick little outtings to do with mine on occassion ice cream, etc. problem is my kids love love being with his kids. kids are great they aren't the problem he is......LOL

    he grew up being yelled at, called names etc. i thought maybe he could overcome that and not make the same mistakes in rearing his kids, i guess not.

    it is what it is right now. he wants to be forgiven i will never be able to and told him so. he wants to come home and me to welcome him open arms like it's all good. i'm done pretending.

    thanks for letting me ramble so.

    i went out and met a friend for lunch today and laughed alot believe it or not once we discussed this briefly it was good felt a little like me again.

    my daughter seems ok i checked in with her again just a bit ago after she got home from school.