Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Jul 30, 2007.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What a weekend. There were some bright spots but lots of yuck too!

    The class reunion and visiting with a good friend from San Francisco were great.

    The visit with my mom is usually stressful but usually she has been fairly good with difficult child. Not this weekend! My grandmother, 94, years old sent difficult child a card with $ for his birthday. I tried to get him to write a thank you card and he totally refused, in fact, difficult child became violent over it. I will write the note myself but I know Grandma won't think it's the same. Fast Forward to this weekend. My mom is obsessing about difficult child writing a note and brought some post cards for him to choose from. Write away he refused and started getting angry. I asked her to drop it since I'd already told her what happened when I tried to have him write one. But no she didn't drop it. She holds the postcards up by a picture of Jesus and says what would Jesus think? He says he didn't care because he didn't believe in him. She says can you say that to Jesus to which he did! Oh if you knew my mom she was so upset. I felt like I was in a movie. The funny part was when Mom went in the other room difficult child made the sign of the cross and said,"Jesus, I'm sorry for lying I really do believe!" difficult child was really angry with her the rest of the visit. I'm sure I'll be getting a letter this week about my parenting :rolleyes:

    Then there was my dad's house. He is good with difficult child-his wife has a more difficult time. She means well but I think she feels if we just parented more traditionally he wouldn't have so many problems-kind of like one style of parenting fits all. She does tend to watch difficult child's every move. There is more to it but that kind of summarizes it. Last night I got a call from her apologizing. I asked for what (I really like to avoid confrontation with family so I don't say much and try to let it roll off my shoulder-we just don't visit too much). She said my dad was really angry at her because he felt he had been too hard on me and difficult child this weekend. I told her there was no need to apologize. She said Dad was saying mean things and saying maybe they should get a divorce. This shocked me because Dad isn't usually like this-he is very calm, go with the flow kind of guy. Apparently he was also out drinking yesterday afternoon which he doesn't usually do. He wouldn't talk to me yesterday when I was on the phone so I could tell him not to worry about it. I'm actually not sure what to do next. I feel like I need to call him today. I don't want our family to cause problems for them!

    difficult child, other than at my mom's, had a really good weekend-very compliant and no violence!

    Thanks for listening to this vent-sorry it is so long!
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Sharon, you said, "I'm sure I'll be getting a letter this week about my parenting" - I would reply, "I do the best I can, considering the example I was given."

    Really, emotional blackmail - totally inappropriate. And VERY bad parenting, if YOU did it. She should realise that when he's digging his heels in, she's only forcing him to dig in deeper (and lying about his feelings to do so) by trying these sort of mean tactics.

    Never, never begin a battle you can't both finish and win! And SHE began a battle, against your advice, which she lost, badly. She cannot recover her previous position from there - she has now permanently lost ground with him. If she had backed down before it got too far, she wouldn't be in the mess SHE created. You tried to warn her, she ignored you. WHO IS THE BAD PARENT? Certainly not you.

    My one line of REAL advice for her - "Don't go there (accusing Sharon of bad parenting) because, like the argument with difficult child, you will LOSE. And that will not be good. Best to drop it, permanently, and learn how to drop things in future before you bite off more than you can chew next time."

  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    I think you can use some (((hugs)))

    Glad difficult child had a pretty good weekend and you had fun at the reunion and visiting your friend. :smile:
  4. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Oh, I am sorry - but this scenario has me chuckling! I mean..........I just can't believe someone doing that to my difficult child without having their sanity checked. It sounds like some bad commercial!! good grief! :highvoltage:
    For what it is worth, it sounds like you handled it really well.

    I would not worry for one minute about trying to intervene in your dad and wife's issues. It sounds like an argument that went haywire that probably had nothing to do with you or your son. In fact, my guess is that today your dad is embarrassed you even got wind of it. It probably started over how he left the milk out, and escalated into involving your son.

    Hang in there........and I am glad that you were able to have a great reunion and visits with friends.
  5. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    Your mom and my mom must have attended the same school. That's all I am saying.

    (((((((hugs))))))) to a great warrior mom.
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    It is almost comical if it didn't have the possibility of damaging our children... It is amazing what some parents/people will not let go of. Get over it Grandma... let some peace and happiness prevail already. sheesh.

    Sorry... some parents baffle me...
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Honestly, if you receive such a letter from your mom, I wouldn't even acknowledge it.

    I'm glad your reunion and visit with your friend was enjoyable. As for the rest, well, a lot of families are only good in small doses.

    ((((hugs)))) :flower:
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Ahhh, Sharon - you must be so tired. What a lot of nonsense on top of difficult child.

    Hope you're enjoying a margarita by the side of the pool. :beach:
  9. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks Ladies,

    Marguerite-You really nailed it on the head about her losing ground permanently. difficult child really holds grudges for a long time.

    Lisa-Thanks for the hugs.

    WW-I can certainly understand the chuckling-I felt like I was in a bad movie!

    BBK-Sorry you deal with the same sort of stuff-thanks for the hugs.

    Heather-Thanks-I am thinking of not responding when the letter comes. Last year she disowned me in a letter because the previous time I talked with her I apparently had a tone in my voice.

    Linda-I did get to the pool-no margarita-sounds really good though!

    It really was a tiring weekend. And my mom wonders why we don't visit more often!
  10. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hey Sharon,

    what's with moms????? My mom will be here Thursday and I'm already getting a tad stressed.

    Do you think our kids will view us in the same light years from now????????????????

  11. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    LDM-I hope not! I'm going to tape my mouth shut if I start acting like my mom or step mom! I hope your visit with your mom goes better than mine!
  12. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I would have been tempted to ask her if that was a threat or a promise.

    But, then, I'm not very nice. :devil:
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    The funny part was when Mom went in the other room difficult child made the sign of the cross and said,"Jesus, I'm sorry for lying I really do believe!"


    Well, you can see he was doing it deliberately.

    So sorry for all your family troubles. Just what you need!

  14. Janna

    Janna New Member

    Aww, Sharon, as if you need that from her. If she sends you a letter, I wouldn't even open it :grrr:

    Sending hugs, my friend. Glad you had some positives.
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heather-I love your response-rofl-it would have really thrown my mom for a loop!

    Terry-Thanks for the hugs-I was laughing when he did the sign of the cross thing!

    Janna-If only I had the guts not to open it! Thanks for the hugs!