Verdict Is In

[Robinboots]

There will be no inpatient. That's just for a few days, 4 tops, and not long enough to do anything. Duh. There will be no Residential Treatment Center (RTC). Why? Because, even though all the professionals agree - NOW - that it would have been the best solution, oh, a YEAR AGO, now it's too late, because of difficult child's age.

What does that leave? Okay, all together now, boys and girls: OUTPATIENT group therapy.

Because we don't know where he is; because he won't cooperate with taking medications; because he thinks nothing is wrong with him.

Yeah, this is gonna work.

 

[gcvmom]

That's like sending the addict an engraved invitation to their own intervention. Think they're gonna RSVP for it, let alone show? Ha!

I'm so sorry.

 

[DammitJanet]

Oh I could have predicted this.

They will rarely put a kid in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) on the states dime who is close to 18. Cost benefit.

He isnt doing anything to have him placed inpatient against his will. Being a world class PITA doesnt qualify.

Outpatient group therapy is going to be a joke. What is going to make him go? The cookies and milk served there?

Your best bet, and take it from a been there done that mom, is to call and have him arrested for every single crime he commits. If he breaks probation, report him. If he is trespassing at grandma's, get her to charge him. If he is verbally abusive to you, charge him. Do whatever you can to keep his arrests up. Eventually they will lock him up.

 

[Star*]

Hey Bootsie,

Well guess what? NOW you see what the rest of the world see's your son as. A FULL GROWN MAN. Isn't that nice? Now all you have to do is catch up. (insert rolling eyes and groan sound) In all fairness to him? THIS IS reality. THIS IS the world as it is. THIS IS the result of choices he has made. This is basically the spoils of his labors. As a Mother? You don't want to hear any of that because you're still in fight mode. You want the world to understand nae - APPRECIATE that your son has a disability still - and accept him like you do. Wellll? The world has spoken and it slapped you down, and said "Hi Mother of a grown man - this is how we intend on handling your son and his problems from here on out. No more leading him by the hand, no more talking nice, no more second chances or Residential Treatment Center (RTC) - it's big boy britches time and your kid had better be ready to put his on one leg at a time just like the rest of the world." - And you? You don't get to help him at all.

Nope, you have to sit back and watch him fall now. You can't run to help, you can offer assistance, you can't stand up for him. Now is when you get to sit home and get the phone calls, and decide - Do we GO to the jail and bail him out or let him set there? Do we GO to the hospital and talk to him before he goes to the jail? Or do we make a stand and stay home and let him realize he HAD family that stood by him and he threw us away? Now is the time where you stop answering the phone and stop feeling guilty because caller ID said it was HIM calling - it's raining outside and he MIGHT be calling from a pay phone, cold, hungry and lonely then realize it's his choice - and go back to the den, finish your movie by the fire and curl up with your dogs and really and truly forget about that call, or unplug the phone. Now is the time when Lowes or Home Depot LOVES to see you coming because their stock in locks has gone up 12 points thanks to the CD board alone. Now is the time dear.....when you do whatever you can, take whatever medication you can, hang on to whatever good memories you have, cry whenever you need to, get ANGRY whenever you want to, and share with your friends whenever the mood strikes you - that YOU WERE a Mom, and now? You're someones Mother, but he doesn't live here anymore. Doesn't mean you don't care. Just means you're on another part of the journey you and him started out on 17 years ago as Mother and son.

~ It won't always be like this. Someday you'll be old and forget all about this part.

Hugs and Love - been there done that - have the mended up broken heart to prove it.
Starbie, the old toybox barbie. You know the one with the hair cut short and no clothes on that got left in the bottom of the toybox...but used to be your favorite and will be some day again? (If I can only keep this figure)

 

[Robinboots]

Thanks, Star - as usual, you put it so...succinctly! And I suppose you're right, the MUST see him as all grown up, because they sure aren't hustling to send him home with the usual "behave yourself".

As a side note, I hadn't heard from him since Thursday, when I texted and he called and was being a doink again. I texted him this morning, "hey" and he said "hi" and I said "what's up" and he said "nm". I asked if he was still staying with the same friend and he asked why I wanted to know. I said nevermind, and that was it. Scintillating conversation, yes?

About half an hour ago he texted again, asking for money. I swear, I do NOT know how he can spend it so fast! Yes, part of bipolar, maybe, but still.... I had $190 of his money that I was holding so he WOULDN'T blow it/have access to it. $25 went on his phone when he came home/was home last week for a whopping 24 hours. I gave him $100 last Monday, 1) because it was his, and 2) because I was trying to get him here so the police could take him to the hospital. - which didn't happen. So that leaves $65 of HIS money that I have.

Should I give it to him and be done? Or not? He hasn't texted back, since I asked "why" he needed more money.

 

[Shari]

I am so sorry, Robin. Unfortunately, Star is right.

My Wee just turned 8. And I know 17 is looming way to close...its not gonna be fun.

I feel for you.

Hugs.

 

[wakeupcall]

Star, my difficult child is 14. I wish I could print your response and carry it with me. I think I might need it in a few years...