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Very bad morning all the way around
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 569643" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You are TOTALLY off base in not calling 911 EVERY time difficult child gets violent with you. Did you know that it is usually a FELONY to take a phone away from someone attempting to call police/911? in my opinion in taking the phone from you violently when you were trying to call for help, your difficult child committed assault against you.</p><p></p><p>i know you dont' want more people involved in your life and you have lots of fears and anxieties. You STILL have to do what needs to be done, and that is to get the cops involved each and every time she is physical with you. What, exactly, do you think she is learning when she gets aggressive, pushes you and takes the phone away from you? I promise that the lesson is that she can do what she wants and bully you and you cannot and will not do ANYTHING. She is learnign this BECAUSE you are not doing anything. So why should she go to school? She can have a fit, yell, scream, throw things, and get to do whatever she wants all day.</p><p></p><p>Don't just call your ex or let your mom. I don't know if your mom is meddling too much or not. I think she is trying to smooth things over and help him see a better way to help, and she probably is upset because you are not really making any progress and she is scared for both you and your kids.</p><p></p><p>easy child does have a right to get to school on time, but he is clearly learning that it is okay to throw fits and get what he wants. that is what you and difficult child are teaching him. So figure a way to discourage this and help keep his routine. </p><p></p><p>We have told you over and over and over to call the cops to help get her to school. Have you done this? You need to look up the non-emergency phone number for the police in your area and put it into your cell phone and memorize it and have it written down. That is the number you call when she FIRST refuses to go to school. don't wait until she is yelling and pushing. call right away, from another room. Also call the school board office and ask how to contact a truant officer for your area/school. Bypass the school building for now. Don't buy into the 'we don't do that' garbage. If your difficult child needs it, they do it. it is why you have an IEP. Period. But go AROUND the school and go to the truant officer directly. Get his number or the best way to reach him. Then use that every morning regardless of whether it is around a holiday or not.</p><p></p><p>You are not going to like this next bit. I am sorry, but I think it needs to be said.</p><p></p><p>I don't think xanax is helping you. I have NOTHING against the medication, and took it myself for severe pms and ptsd and to help with migraines. It was very helpful, but it was also short term. You need to be super careful with xanax. THere are other similar medications that might have less risk for you. You have already had the DUI incident, and being on xanax after that is going to look bad if /when custody ever goes back to court. I know it is rx'd by a doctor. I also know that MANY in law enforcement think that most use of it is abuse. I don't buy that, but you are going to have to be SUPER careful about appearances. On paper, the DUI and then use of xanax along with bipolar and if they ask if you have problems with alcohol and anyone brings up Thanksgiving, well, you are going to have a HUGE problem. Other benzos are very effective but not as abused and they do not have the reputation and appearance of being as easily and commonly abused. </p><p></p><p>I know you don't want to think about that, but hiding from it isn't going to help you. As it is, you are in danger of jail time for not getting difficult child to school. The court will see that, your history, and that you have not called the truant officer or police to help get difficult child to school and they will NOT look at you in the best light. Appearances MATTER in this situation, and with the risk factors, well, you could be in big trouble if ex or the school pushes this into court. Take steps now and you can avoid a LOT of problems that would only make your problems worse in court.</p><p></p><p>Regardless of the other things, violence is what difficult child is using to get her way, and you need to wake up and see that. You are not doing your job as her mom if you allow her to treat you this way with impunity. Start calling and reporting her assaults to the cops every single time she tries to intimidate you wth violence or she pushes, shoves, or otherwise touches you with aggression/violence. Also call then if/when she tries to keep you from making calls for assistance.</p><p></p><p>The first few times the responding officer may not think it is much, but it is the start of the paper trail. After a few times the cops will get sick of responding to difficult child's refusal to get up, and they will start taking action. But you MUST step up not just because she needs school, but because she MUST learn that she cannot be violent at home with-o facing severe consequences.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 569643, member: 1233"] You are TOTALLY off base in not calling 911 EVERY time difficult child gets violent with you. Did you know that it is usually a FELONY to take a phone away from someone attempting to call police/911? in my opinion in taking the phone from you violently when you were trying to call for help, your difficult child committed assault against you. i know you dont' want more people involved in your life and you have lots of fears and anxieties. You STILL have to do what needs to be done, and that is to get the cops involved each and every time she is physical with you. What, exactly, do you think she is learning when she gets aggressive, pushes you and takes the phone away from you? I promise that the lesson is that she can do what she wants and bully you and you cannot and will not do ANYTHING. She is learnign this BECAUSE you are not doing anything. So why should she go to school? She can have a fit, yell, scream, throw things, and get to do whatever she wants all day. Don't just call your ex or let your mom. I don't know if your mom is meddling too much or not. I think she is trying to smooth things over and help him see a better way to help, and she probably is upset because you are not really making any progress and she is scared for both you and your kids. easy child does have a right to get to school on time, but he is clearly learning that it is okay to throw fits and get what he wants. that is what you and difficult child are teaching him. So figure a way to discourage this and help keep his routine. We have told you over and over and over to call the cops to help get her to school. Have you done this? You need to look up the non-emergency phone number for the police in your area and put it into your cell phone and memorize it and have it written down. That is the number you call when she FIRST refuses to go to school. don't wait until she is yelling and pushing. call right away, from another room. Also call the school board office and ask how to contact a truant officer for your area/school. Bypass the school building for now. Don't buy into the 'we don't do that' garbage. If your difficult child needs it, they do it. it is why you have an IEP. Period. But go AROUND the school and go to the truant officer directly. Get his number or the best way to reach him. Then use that every morning regardless of whether it is around a holiday or not. You are not going to like this next bit. I am sorry, but I think it needs to be said. I don't think xanax is helping you. I have NOTHING against the medication, and took it myself for severe pms and ptsd and to help with migraines. It was very helpful, but it was also short term. You need to be super careful with xanax. THere are other similar medications that might have less risk for you. You have already had the DUI incident, and being on xanax after that is going to look bad if /when custody ever goes back to court. I know it is rx'd by a doctor. I also know that MANY in law enforcement think that most use of it is abuse. I don't buy that, but you are going to have to be SUPER careful about appearances. On paper, the DUI and then use of xanax along with bipolar and if they ask if you have problems with alcohol and anyone brings up Thanksgiving, well, you are going to have a HUGE problem. Other benzos are very effective but not as abused and they do not have the reputation and appearance of being as easily and commonly abused. I know you don't want to think about that, but hiding from it isn't going to help you. As it is, you are in danger of jail time for not getting difficult child to school. The court will see that, your history, and that you have not called the truant officer or police to help get difficult child to school and they will NOT look at you in the best light. Appearances MATTER in this situation, and with the risk factors, well, you could be in big trouble if ex or the school pushes this into court. Take steps now and you can avoid a LOT of problems that would only make your problems worse in court. Regardless of the other things, violence is what difficult child is using to get her way, and you need to wake up and see that. You are not doing your job as her mom if you allow her to treat you this way with impunity. Start calling and reporting her assaults to the cops every single time she tries to intimidate you wth violence or she pushes, shoves, or otherwise touches you with aggression/violence. Also call then if/when she tries to keep you from making calls for assistance. The first few times the responding officer may not think it is much, but it is the start of the paper trail. After a few times the cops will get sick of responding to difficult child's refusal to get up, and they will start taking action. But you MUST step up not just because she needs school, but because she MUST learn that she cannot be violent at home with-o facing severe consequences. [/QUOTE]
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