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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 192077" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thank you all for the support and actually, even for reading such a long post!</p><p></p><p>BBK- that is so sweet- I would have appreciated that hug!</p><p></p><p>Marg- when I visualize having to go thru a process of convincing people that I haven't abused or neglected my son, I am not a parent who brings boyfriends in or leaves to go party while my son is with a sitter or who doesn't pay attention that a child needs to be raised, not just fed, I really lose all connection with the therapist. It makes me feel like I'm having to prove everything again- like I did to the jusdge and the GAL and I'm so over it and I can't keep a calm, comfortable attitude with a therapist who has preconceived notions that I have to overcome. I <em>know</em> this wasn't why family therapy was recommended, and family therapy wasn't court ordered. I could skip it all and never be in trouble. But, the fact remains that I could use some understanding and help from a therapist on issues about hhow to de-escalate him, dealing with school, etc. It is the fighting preconceived notions that is exhausting me.</p><p></p><p>My mother and half-bro both live out of state, so the extended family issue isn't really an issue- right now. My bro dropped his custody case and my mom has become silent on why she thinks she has any right to offer an opinion on my difficult child being raised by anyone other than me. The only thing she ever says about personal family stuff is that 1) she guesses she shouldn't have let her brother come live with us (nothing about that we should have gone to therapy like the dr's said) 2) I'm better at raising difficult child than she was at raising me and 3) she doesn't want to hear anything that would stop her from spoiling difficult child and 4) she can't understand why my half-bro would stop communicating with her. Never mind that my grandfather pulled all kinds of sneaky tricks to get custody of me from her and she resented the P**S out of it- it was somehow ok for her to call my bro and encourage him to do what he did.</p><p></p><p>My half-bro has his own issues. He was led to believe that he had a wonderful set of parents, in spite of the fact that our father (who died) had divorced his mother and sent her back to Korea and she never contacted him. Then, when he was 17yo he learned that his bio-mom had been a prostitute and had never wanted contact with him after our dad divorced her. Anytime we got together as adults, he still said that our dad wanted to divorce my mom and leave me and bring his bio-mom back to this country so they could be a family again. The whole time, he would be telling my mom that she was the only one he considered a mom because she raised him from 2-8 yo and that he agreed with her- something was wrong with me. Ok- so that isn't my cross to bear.</p><p></p><p>What do I feel guilty over? maybe that if I could have gotten past more, difficult child's father wouldn't have been who he is. Maybe he would have been a amn who could care about his child. It isn't rational- I mean the part about me being able to have a healthy relationship might have been possible, but given how screwed up my family was, I doubt it. But feeling guilty over difficult child's father choosing what he did is not something I had control over. I just still feel soooo bad for difficult child about it. And it broke my heart when difficult child told me 2 years ago that the reason he had hit me was because he felt I'd set him up by telling him how lovable he was and how much potential he had only to learn that it couldn't be tru because if it was true, his father wouldn't have denied him and his teachers wouldn't be saying he was a bad kid.</p><p></p><p>You have very good insiight, Marg- any suggestions are appreciated!</p><p></p><p>Sharon & Susie- thank you so much- no I have never felt you were judgemental. You have both been very supportive of me and our difficult child issues and I appreciate it more than you'll ever know.</p><p></p><p>MWM- thank you! I really respect your opinions on things because I somehow feel a wierd connection with you- like maybe you can understand my difficult child. You are not wierd- just like I tell my son. Different- well, that can be a good thing. I hope you find a way, if you aren't doing this already, to advocate for kids. You would be great at it and Lord knows, they need someone to do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 192077, member: 3699"] Thank you all for the support and actually, even for reading such a long post! BBK- that is so sweet- I would have appreciated that hug! Marg- when I visualize having to go thru a process of convincing people that I haven't abused or neglected my son, I am not a parent who brings boyfriends in or leaves to go party while my son is with a sitter or who doesn't pay attention that a child needs to be raised, not just fed, I really lose all connection with the therapist. It makes me feel like I'm having to prove everything again- like I did to the jusdge and the GAL and I'm so over it and I can't keep a calm, comfortable attitude with a therapist who has preconceived notions that I have to overcome. I [I]know[/I] this wasn't why family therapy was recommended, and family therapy wasn't court ordered. I could skip it all and never be in trouble. But, the fact remains that I could use some understanding and help from a therapist on issues about hhow to de-escalate him, dealing with school, etc. It is the fighting preconceived notions that is exhausting me. My mother and half-bro both live out of state, so the extended family issue isn't really an issue- right now. My bro dropped his custody case and my mom has become silent on why she thinks she has any right to offer an opinion on my difficult child being raised by anyone other than me. The only thing she ever says about personal family stuff is that 1) she guesses she shouldn't have let her brother come live with us (nothing about that we should have gone to therapy like the dr's said) 2) I'm better at raising difficult child than she was at raising me and 3) she doesn't want to hear anything that would stop her from spoiling difficult child and 4) she can't understand why my half-bro would stop communicating with her. Never mind that my grandfather pulled all kinds of sneaky tricks to get custody of me from her and she resented the P**S out of it- it was somehow ok for her to call my bro and encourage him to do what he did. My half-bro has his own issues. He was led to believe that he had a wonderful set of parents, in spite of the fact that our father (who died) had divorced his mother and sent her back to Korea and she never contacted him. Then, when he was 17yo he learned that his bio-mom had been a prostitute and had never wanted contact with him after our dad divorced her. Anytime we got together as adults, he still said that our dad wanted to divorce my mom and leave me and bring his bio-mom back to this country so they could be a family again. The whole time, he would be telling my mom that she was the only one he considered a mom because she raised him from 2-8 yo and that he agreed with her- something was wrong with me. Ok- so that isn't my cross to bear. What do I feel guilty over? maybe that if I could have gotten past more, difficult child's father wouldn't have been who he is. Maybe he would have been a amn who could care about his child. It isn't rational- I mean the part about me being able to have a healthy relationship might have been possible, but given how screwed up my family was, I doubt it. But feeling guilty over difficult child's father choosing what he did is not something I had control over. I just still feel soooo bad for difficult child about it. And it broke my heart when difficult child told me 2 years ago that the reason he had hit me was because he felt I'd set him up by telling him how lovable he was and how much potential he had only to learn that it couldn't be tru because if it was true, his father wouldn't have denied him and his teachers wouldn't be saying he was a bad kid. You have very good insiight, Marg- any suggestions are appreciated! Sharon & Susie- thank you so much- no I have never felt you were judgemental. You have both been very supportive of me and our difficult child issues and I appreciate it more than you'll ever know. MWM- thank you! I really respect your opinions on things because I somehow feel a wierd connection with you- like maybe you can understand my difficult child. You are not wierd- just like I tell my son. Different- well, that can be a good thing. I hope you find a way, if you aren't doing this already, to advocate for kids. You would be great at it and Lord knows, they need someone to do it. [/QUOTE]
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