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Very long (stepmom needs help)
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 335734" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I'm stepmom to a 30 year old difficult child. (wow, that makes me feel old!)</p><p></p><p>It's obvious you love your step daughter. I love mine too and have always done my best to treat her as I would my own bio kids.</p><p></p><p>Our mom instinct is to step in and rescue like we did when they were little. But once they are adults, stepping in and rescuing our kids from natural consequences of their behavior does not help them. It actually hurts them as they don't learn anything from it. They have no reason to want to change their behavior. As grown children they have to learn to take responsibility for their own behavior, just as we do for ours.</p><p></p><p>It doesn't mean we don't love them. It means we love them enough to let them fall on their face and learn how to pick themselves back up again and go on.</p><p></p><p>It's still hard to make the transition from parenting a child to parenting an adult. I have some basic rules I follow that help me. But none of us are perfect. Learning to detach and let your child be an adult is a process. And it is often painful to watch them stumble and fall.</p><p></p><p>Bio Mom will have to "get" it in her own time. You might want to offer the book as a gift. But she will have to come to her "ahh hah!" moment herself. Just as your husband has. </p><p></p><p>Welcome to the board. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 335734, member: 84"] I'm stepmom to a 30 year old difficult child. (wow, that makes me feel old!) It's obvious you love your step daughter. I love mine too and have always done my best to treat her as I would my own bio kids. Our mom instinct is to step in and rescue like we did when they were little. But once they are adults, stepping in and rescuing our kids from natural consequences of their behavior does not help them. It actually hurts them as they don't learn anything from it. They have no reason to want to change their behavior. As grown children they have to learn to take responsibility for their own behavior, just as we do for ours. It doesn't mean we don't love them. It means we love them enough to let them fall on their face and learn how to pick themselves back up again and go on. It's still hard to make the transition from parenting a child to parenting an adult. I have some basic rules I follow that help me. But none of us are perfect. Learning to detach and let your child be an adult is a process. And it is often painful to watch them stumble and fall. Bio Mom will have to "get" it in her own time. You might want to offer the book as a gift. But she will have to come to her "ahh hah!" moment herself. Just as your husband has. Welcome to the board. :) Hugs [/QUOTE]
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