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Very scared
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 647936" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hon, you and your dear husband are not young anymore nor healthy and one day he will be alone. If you have left anything for him in your will, you know how fast it will be gone. On top of that, you have put yourself ahead of him your entire lives and even now you set him up in a place, he got a job and (my guess) he is back to using drugs or doing what destructive things he does that get him into trouble. You know it doesn't work to "help" him and you also know, in the back of your mind, that it hurts you and your husband and perhaps other loved ones who are furious at him from intruding on your golden years. How selfish of him to be bothering you at this time in your life. Most adult kids are starting to look after their folks by your ages (I am 61). Dang, NOBODY is going to do me out of wonderful golden years!!! And nobody should do you out of yours. Yes, you love him, but does he care about YOU? Does he ever offer to help YOU or even ask how you are with any caring in his voice?</p><p></p><p>Frankly, if I was a loving sister to you and saw this man abusing you and taking, taking, taking for your entire life, I probably would not have the stomach to sit down and eat with him either. I don't blame your sister. It's your son's fault that people are turning from him.</p><p></p><p>ADHD is so common. Not all ADHD kids get into trouble and he's NOT A KID. He's a man.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, enough. If he is homeless, he can get a job, even flipping burgers. If he calls you horrible names for not supporting him, well, at this stage of my life I had made a decision to take no abuse from anybody and my difficult son knows this. I told him I will gently hang up if he so much as raises his voice at me and I do. Things are nicer over the phone now. He is 37. Time for him to grow up and if he wants the privilege of talking to me, he has to treat me as nicely as a stranger would. Now he hasn't been in jail (he is one lucky duck), but he was living out of motels once, funded by his father (we are divorced and he has the money, not me). It was painful, but I was in my 40s and I could handle it. I'd visit him at whatever dive he was currently in and sometimes bring McDonalds or peanut butter. But I would not even do that at my age and at his age. He is a man now, a middle age man, and he'd better learn how to do life himself because I can't live forever. And I won't let him shorten my life. I want to dance at my granddaughter's wedding and she's only seven month (the child of a different child).</p><p></p><p>If your son is on drugs, I higly recommend Al-Anon or some recovery support group to help you cope and to give you real life camaraderie. Remember, you have 0% control over anybody except yourself, and that includes your son. You do have 100% control over you, and how you choose to deal with this and how to nurture yourself and how to live the rest of your life. Killing yourselves for this man will not help him. Enjoying the rest of your life will help YOU. You no longer have to be a mommy. Your son is too old to need one. Let him figure it out himself...or not. That is his path; his story; his personal journey. You can't alter it.</p><p></p><p>"Today is the First Day of the Rest of your Life." Live it! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 647936, member: 1550"] Hon, you and your dear husband are not young anymore nor healthy and one day he will be alone. If you have left anything for him in your will, you know how fast it will be gone. On top of that, you have put yourself ahead of him your entire lives and even now you set him up in a place, he got a job and (my guess) he is back to using drugs or doing what destructive things he does that get him into trouble. You know it doesn't work to "help" him and you also know, in the back of your mind, that it hurts you and your husband and perhaps other loved ones who are furious at him from intruding on your golden years. How selfish of him to be bothering you at this time in your life. Most adult kids are starting to look after their folks by your ages (I am 61). Dang, NOBODY is going to do me out of wonderful golden years!!! And nobody should do you out of yours. Yes, you love him, but does he care about YOU? Does he ever offer to help YOU or even ask how you are with any caring in his voice? Frankly, if I was a loving sister to you and saw this man abusing you and taking, taking, taking for your entire life, I probably would not have the stomach to sit down and eat with him either. I don't blame your sister. It's your son's fault that people are turning from him. ADHD is so common. Not all ADHD kids get into trouble and he's NOT A KID. He's a man. In my opinion, enough. If he is homeless, he can get a job, even flipping burgers. If he calls you horrible names for not supporting him, well, at this stage of my life I had made a decision to take no abuse from anybody and my difficult son knows this. I told him I will gently hang up if he so much as raises his voice at me and I do. Things are nicer over the phone now. He is 37. Time for him to grow up and if he wants the privilege of talking to me, he has to treat me as nicely as a stranger would. Now he hasn't been in jail (he is one lucky duck), but he was living out of motels once, funded by his father (we are divorced and he has the money, not me). It was painful, but I was in my 40s and I could handle it. I'd visit him at whatever dive he was currently in and sometimes bring McDonalds or peanut butter. But I would not even do that at my age and at his age. He is a man now, a middle age man, and he'd better learn how to do life himself because I can't live forever. And I won't let him shorten my life. I want to dance at my granddaughter's wedding and she's only seven month (the child of a different child). If your son is on drugs, I higly recommend Al-Anon or some recovery support group to help you cope and to give you real life camaraderie. Remember, you have 0% control over anybody except yourself, and that includes your son. You do have 100% control over you, and how you choose to deal with this and how to nurture yourself and how to live the rest of your life. Killing yourselves for this man will not help him. Enjoying the rest of your life will help YOU. You no longer have to be a mommy. Your son is too old to need one. Let him figure it out himself...or not. That is his path; his story; his personal journey. You can't alter it. "Today is the First Day of the Rest of your Life." Live it! ;) [/QUOTE]
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