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Victimhood / Martyrdom vs Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 636634" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It is like a war, isn't it.</p><p></p><p>Ugly like a war, too.</p><p></p><p>Gaslighting. I remember when we were all reading about sociopathy.</p><p></p><p>Great post, MWM. You've been so honest about what has happened to you that I can think about all of this differently. Your comment about guilt over education clarified many things about my perception of failure where difficult child son is concerned.</p><p></p><p>It is the key to my responses to him, and to the guilt that I feel at everything he doesn't have.</p><p></p><p>Guilt would lead to timidity. I mean, I get it that someone calling me names should be on them, not me. But what it looks like this morning is that what guilt led to was construction of a reality where hope and faith are more real than what is.</p><p></p><p>And what else it looks like this morning is that the older difficult child son got, the more real the constructed worlds of hope and faith and belief that he was just about to change became.</p><p></p><p>And it was that realization, bursting through on some wordless level of consciousness, that was traumatic.</p><p></p><p>Because in reality, I protect myself from the way all this feels, from the ugliness. </p><p></p><p>In process, maybe?</p><p></p><p>I can't see a time when I would ever be okay with what happened to my family.</p><p></p><p>Actually, there is so much rage beneath that thin patina of guilt and the timidity it calls.</p><p></p><p>Guarding myself from acknowledging</p><p>how I really feel about difficult child son's betrayal, weakness, poverty.</p><p></p><p>Well, that isn't all of it, but it's in here.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 636634, member: 17461"] It is like a war, isn't it. Ugly like a war, too. Gaslighting. I remember when we were all reading about sociopathy. Great post, MWM. You've been so honest about what has happened to you that I can think about all of this differently. Your comment about guilt over education clarified many things about my perception of failure where difficult child son is concerned. It is the key to my responses to him, and to the guilt that I feel at everything he doesn't have. Guilt would lead to timidity. I mean, I get it that someone calling me names should be on them, not me. But what it looks like this morning is that what guilt led to was construction of a reality where hope and faith are more real than what is. And what else it looks like this morning is that the older difficult child son got, the more real the constructed worlds of hope and faith and belief that he was just about to change became. And it was that realization, bursting through on some wordless level of consciousness, that was traumatic. Because in reality, I protect myself from the way all this feels, from the ugliness. In process, maybe? I can't see a time when I would ever be okay with what happened to my family. Actually, there is so much rage beneath that thin patina of guilt and the timidity it calls. Guarding myself from acknowledging how I really feel about difficult child son's betrayal, weakness, poverty. Well, that isn't all of it, but it's in here. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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