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Victimhood / Martyrdom vs Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 636643" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>Hey, you're stronger than me. I'm not even talking to my kids and I don't care if I never do again. Protecting myself from them? Oh, heck yeah! We neither of us are talking about little kids, we're talking about full grown adults who are or nearly are as old as we were when our kids were out of the house. They need to grow up or I want nothing to do with them. Believe you me, if either of them show up at my door there will be a full and thorough examination of them before I stick my neck out for their abuse again. That kind of goes for grandkids, too. They're going to have to be sentient beings before I want anything to do with them, and they'll get a (milder) grilling from me, too, just to get a cautious "Hello, it's nice to meet you" from me.</p><p></p><p>Do I sound awful? I suppose so. I was so horrified by the last bit of abuse I got from them all last summer - did I mention that my father died after a long illness we all knew about and not one of them contacted me about it but they gave out my address to strangers so that strangers could send me sympathy cards? (I was so embarrassed and afraid that one of them would find my thoughts here, I don't know if I even wrote about it here.) Why did they - including my son M - do that? Because "Grandpa said he didn't want you to know", even though they all knew I was aware of the illness and that he was not expected to live long. They chose their sides when there are really no sides to choose. Let them be happy there without me. I didn't move 3,000 miles away to try to reconcile with them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 636643, member: 99"] Hey, you're stronger than me. I'm not even talking to my kids and I don't care if I never do again. Protecting myself from them? Oh, heck yeah! We neither of us are talking about little kids, we're talking about full grown adults who are or nearly are as old as we were when our kids were out of the house. They need to grow up or I want nothing to do with them. Believe you me, if either of them show up at my door there will be a full and thorough examination of them before I stick my neck out for their abuse again. That kind of goes for grandkids, too. They're going to have to be sentient beings before I want anything to do with them, and they'll get a (milder) grilling from me, too, just to get a cautious "Hello, it's nice to meet you" from me. Do I sound awful? I suppose so. I was so horrified by the last bit of abuse I got from them all last summer - did I mention that my father died after a long illness we all knew about and not one of them contacted me about it but they gave out my address to strangers so that strangers could send me sympathy cards? (I was so embarrassed and afraid that one of them would find my thoughts here, I don't know if I even wrote about it here.) Why did they - including my son M - do that? Because "Grandpa said he didn't want you to know", even though they all knew I was aware of the illness and that he was not expected to live long. They chose their sides when there are really no sides to choose. Let them be happy there without me. I didn't move 3,000 miles away to try to reconcile with them. [/QUOTE]
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