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Parent Emeritus
Victimhood / Martyrdom vs Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 636839" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Thank you, Recovering.</p><p></p><p>As always, your comments send me deeper into the thing I am working through.</p><p></p><p>I think the thing we fight so hard against as adults is identifying with, and becoming, the abusers ourselves.</p><p></p><p>Scared of our own shadows, forever waiting for someone stronger or smarter to come along and set things right so we can lay claim to being that perfect mother, the martyred victim of ungrateful children.... </p><p></p><p>What a crummy thing though, to enable an off balance relationship mimicking the feeling state of an abusive childhood...and casting your own child as the abuser.</p><p></p><p>That victim/martyr piece is hard to look at. Yet, that is the role I chose to justify my own position. Seeing how and why we interpret the things that routinely happen to us is the beginning. </p><p></p><p>It is a good, good place to be.</p><p></p><p>Thanks again, everyone. </p><p></p><p>Opening our eyes just doesn't get any easier.</p><p></p><p>But it is so worth it.</p><p></p><p>As to whether those two responses are one. I thought about that one alot.</p><p></p><p>You are right.</p><p></p><p>I had to dance the Dance of the Thousand Veils of Denial to get that.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 636839, member: 17461"] Thank you, Recovering. As always, your comments send me deeper into the thing I am working through. I think the thing we fight so hard against as adults is identifying with, and becoming, the abusers ourselves. Scared of our own shadows, forever waiting for someone stronger or smarter to come along and set things right so we can lay claim to being that perfect mother, the martyred victim of ungrateful children.... What a crummy thing though, to enable an off balance relationship mimicking the feeling state of an abusive childhood...and casting your own child as the abuser. That victim/martyr piece is hard to look at. Yet, that is the role I chose to justify my own position. Seeing how and why we interpret the things that routinely happen to us is the beginning. It is a good, good place to be. Thanks again, everyone. Opening our eyes just doesn't get any easier. But it is so worth it. As to whether those two responses are one. I thought about that one alot. You are right. I had to dance the Dance of the Thousand Veils of Denial to get that. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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