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Victimhood / Martyrdom vs Boundaries
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 637397" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Janet, we have been there for one another for a really long time, haven't we?</p><p></p><p>I appreciate your honesty and smarts and all the funny things and sad things. I feel like I know your kids, and Tony and Monkey and oh, my Lord, do I remember Buck! I remember when Jamie became a Marine, and when he left the Service.</p><p></p><p>We were all so proud of him.</p><p></p><p>**********</p><p></p><p>You are right about being ticked off over these kids. But I think we have to be healthy enough ourselves to feel ticked instead of broken. I think it has to do with being able to interact with them at all without pretending things are better than they are.</p><p></p><p>I like to pretend/believe everything will be okay, that there is some purpose to any of this.</p><p></p><p>I get all intellectually fastened and then, something simple, like "dumbass" -- it gets me, everytime.</p><p></p><p>For Heaven's sake, I'm 62 years old.</p><p></p><p>Ew.</p><p></p><p>I was watching MWM's YouTube about Adult Kids. It was great. What she said is that how we respond to the kids is up to us.</p><p>I think the problem lately has been that I have been doing some deep work on myself regarding family of origin, and it left me vulnerable.</p><p></p><p>That term he used is stupid and vulgar and I just couldn't get my head around it.</p><p></p><p>His wanting that house....</p><p></p><p>We aren't there in the winter. I could believe in him enough to say he could move in there with his family. </p><p></p><p>But I don't believe in him enough to do that.</p><p></p><p>I think that is where the split was, actually. I cannot face what I have to face and blah, blah, blah.</p><p></p><p>So I really liked your "Personally Im a bit ticked at these adult kids right now."</p><p></p><p>Yep.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Thanks, Janet.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 637397, member: 17461"] Janet, we have been there for one another for a really long time, haven't we? I appreciate your honesty and smarts and all the funny things and sad things. I feel like I know your kids, and Tony and Monkey and oh, my Lord, do I remember Buck! I remember when Jamie became a Marine, and when he left the Service. We were all so proud of him. ********** You are right about being ticked off over these kids. But I think we have to be healthy enough ourselves to feel ticked instead of broken. I think it has to do with being able to interact with them at all without pretending things are better than they are. I like to pretend/believe everything will be okay, that there is some purpose to any of this. I get all intellectually fastened and then, something simple, like "dumbass" -- it gets me, everytime. For Heaven's sake, I'm 62 years old. Ew. I was watching MWM's YouTube about Adult Kids. It was great. What she said is that how we respond to the kids is up to us. I think the problem lately has been that I have been doing some deep work on myself regarding family of origin, and it left me vulnerable. That term he used is stupid and vulgar and I just couldn't get my head around it. His wanting that house.... We aren't there in the winter. I could believe in him enough to say he could move in there with his family. But I don't believe in him enough to do that. I think that is where the split was, actually. I cannot face what I have to face and blah, blah, blah. So I really liked your "Personally Im a bit ticked at these adult kids right now." Yep. :O) Thanks, Janet. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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